


Prove Me Right

by Mystrothedefender



Category: Batman (Comics), Batman - All Media Types, Batman: The Animated Series
Genre: M/M, Rape Recovery, Terminal Illnesses
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-08-16
Updated: 2011-08-16
Packaged: 2017-12-29 04:44:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 72,495
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1001048
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mystrothedefender/pseuds/Mystrothedefender
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Joker has been acting strange, and Batman is not prepared to deal with the consequences.<br/>(This summary is bad, the story is better.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Prove Me Right

**Author's Note:**

> This story got 35000 views and 140 reviews on FanFiction.net, and then was taken off for explicit content. Needless to say, I am annoyed because of that... So I'm uploading it here where it won't be unceremoniously destroyed.

Bruce grunted, almost all of his energy was going into stopping himself from crying out in pain. Joker cackled as he flicked the whip once again against Batman’s back. Joker had strung his nemesis up; he was tied by ropes and chains to the bars in the roof, and tethered by his feet to the floor. A tear slid its way down Batman’s cheek, he had been held in this condition for hours, Joker relentlessly hitting him, whipping him and taunting him, he'd had enough.

"Joker… Please…" he whispered.

Joker smiled, "Have I warn you down? You ready to give up, to do what I want? Have you realised that no one is coming to save you? That I'm the only one who cares, who knows what it feels like to not have anyone."

Bruce lifted his head and growled, "Joker I am nothing like you, you can never prove that."

Joker frowned mockingly and put his hand on his chin, "Sounds like you need a few more hits, what will it be this time? I've got that penknife I stole a few months back, I should imagine the blade'll be a little rusty by now though, I've got a mace? That could be fun…"

Batman hung his head and grunted, "Do whatever you want, I'll never admit it."

Joker grunted thoughtfully, "Maybe I'm going the wrong way about this…" Batman lifted his head and spat a mouthful of blood in the madman's direction. Joker nodded, smudging the small pool of blood into the floor with his shoe, "Yes, I am. Hmm… I know.” Joker strode up to Batman, purple coat tails flowing behind him. He stood in front of the almost naked vigilante and ran his finger down the man's chest, he smiled widely as he felt Batman shudder and shy away from his touch.

"Don't touch me," Bruce said through gritted teeth.

Joker raised an eyebrow and chuckled, "You can't tell me what to do. I own you, Batsy baby,” the clown ran his long white finger back up Batman’s chest and around his nipple, "I  _will_  break you, and now I know how…" He groaned slightly as Batman squirmed against his finger, he could tell Batman was becoming aroused, and hated himself because of it.

He didn't want this to happen, as horrible as it was there was a delightful buzz that seemed to be emanating from the Joker’s fingertip, he closed his eyes tightly and tried to block out all feeling, but the Joker’s touch kept worming its way back into his mind.

"Open your eyes Batman.  _Look at me!_ " Joker growled, rejoicing at the Batman’s anguish. Bruce opened his eyes slightly and glanced at Joker, the madman was right; he had found the one thing he couldn't stand. Joker pulled back his finger, playfully flicking Batman’s now erect nipple before placing his hand back in his pocket. He grabbed the Bats chin forcefully with his other hand, "You really do hate it don't you? You hate me touching you like that." Batman wrenched his head out of the Joker’s clutches and sent a head-butt towards the shorter man. Joker casually dodged Batman’s attack and stepped back, hands on hips, "I can tell it's not going to be enough for me to just fuck you, no, then you can just tell yourself you were raped; it wasn't your fault you didn't do anything wrong." He shook his head, "no, I've got to make you  _like_  it, make you  _hate_  yourself, Ohhhh you are gunna love how it feels."

Joker slipped off his jacket and waistcoat in as much of a seductive manner as he could, and chucked the two items of clothing towards Batman, he slowly unbuttoned his shirt, exposing his skin to the elements. Batman was almost scared to look at him, scared he might somehow be turned on by the sight of bare skin, when eventually he did look he was horrified by the amount of scars on Joker’s torso, the sight of the bleached scarred skin made his stomach turn. Joker seemed not to notice Batman’s distaste, and pranced to Batman’s side to whisper seductively in his ear "If you like this, wait till you see the rest of the _package_." He nibbled on the captive man's ear and slowly pulled away again, now removing his trousers and boxers.

He stood naked, hands held high as if a king, "Ta-da! Like what you see?" He bent over slightly and pouted, "Of course you do! Who wouldn't?" The clown skipped forward and placed his hands gently on Batman’s sides, looking deep into Batman’s eyes, "Let's get you hard…" Batman flinched as Joker lowered his hand and pulled down Batman’s boxers, deliberately brushing against Batman’s penis as he did. Joker held Bruce gently in his hand, rolling the limp member between his fingers, tugging on it slightly, and Batman’s face contorted in discomfort. Joker leant against Batman’s chest, feeling his heartbeat, and slowly kissed the man’s pursed lips. He sighed deeply as he pulled away, "Come on Batsy, you know you want to…"

Batman growled out a short ‘no’. The madman smirked, "By the end of this I will have you screaming the opposite,” he leant in for another kiss, Batman almost reciprocated, but at the last second closed his teeth around Joker’s bottom lip, puncturing the soft skin, Joker yelped in surprise, "Ooh, a little rough Batsy, maybe it's a little soon for me to be doing that…"

The clown bent down slightly, still cradling Batman’s cock in his hand, and kissed the opposing man's chest, he licked his finger and started running it in circles around Batman’s nipple, making it hard again, He looked up at Batman’s tortured face and moved his mouth over to begin kissing it, sucking slightly and playing with it with his tongue. He could feel Batman’s penis getting slightly harder in his hand, he could feel Batman’s hatred growing as his own body betrayed him. It made him smile. Joker moaned slightly as he lowered himself to his knees and fixed his eyes on Batman’s semi-erect cock, still pulling on it slightly he gingerly put the head in his mouth. Batman’s breathing grew deeper, he tried to control himself as Joker sucked and licked the tip of his penis. He didn't like what his body was doing, he tried his hardest to stop it but he could feel the tingle of pleasure start to overpower his reservations, he couldn't help but let out a slight moan as Joker took all of him into his mouth. Batman could see his head bobbing, Joker responded to Batman’s pleasure-moan by increasing speed, moaning in return.

Joker lifted his hand and found his way through Batman’s legs, he caressed his way up Batman’s buttocks and slowly entered Batman, who groaned in pleasure and slight pain, the clown continued sucking at Batman’s dick whilst slowly bringing his finger in and out, both parties groaning in time with the Joker’s movements. Joker gave a muffled chuckle and he pulled away from the vigilante, Batman’s mouth was hanging open, it looked rather comical, "Wha… no…" he mumbled, his head twitched as Joker stood in front of him.

"Let's try this again,” Joker smiled as he pressed himself against Batman’s chest, Bruce was dazed, everything felt surreal, he wasn't entirely sure what was happening anymore. When Joker kissed him he unknowingly reciprocated, taking full advantage of this Joker slipped his tongue in the vigilante's mouth, exploring it and tickling the more sensitive areas of his mouth, he was surprised to not be rejected, instead he was welcomed. Batman started kissing passionately, he wasn't quite sure if he was doing it just to get the affair over with, or because he was enjoying the sensation of being with another person. Joker spread his hands over Batman’s body, occasionally sliding back to run his hands over Batman’s penis, he pressed closer to the other man, Joker was hard now too and as he closed the gap between the two bodies their dicks brushed against each other. Joker and Bruce moaned simultaneously into each other's mouths, it took all of Joker’s self-control to pull himself out of the kiss.

He scratched Batman’s back gently as he slid away from his dazed hostage, he picked up his jacket and pulled something out of the front pocket. As quick as he could he darted back in front of Batman, kissing him and touching his cock. He slid round to Batman’s back and buried his head in the man's neck, kissing him and moaning gently, he reached round to Batman’s penis and pulled it firmly back, Bruce grunted in pleasure and jerked his head back slightly. "You ready for this?" Joker breathed into his ear, he really wasn't, but it was going to happen and he couldn't stop it, and truthfully - although he would never admit it to himself – he wanted it to happen. Joker took a small step back, Bruce grunted, not wanting Joker to stop touching or leave him. The clown squirted some of the lube he’d pulled from his coat on to his hand and applied it to himself, rubbing some over his fingers. He pushed one of his slippery fingers inside Bruce, who jolted and grunted in surprise, Joker rhythmically moved his finger in and out, after a short while he slipped in another finger, widening Bruce's entrance, although not by much, Joker wanted him to still be tight. Bruce was groaning loudly, Joker tried not to laugh at the noises as he prepared himself to penetrate the other man. Bruce could tell it was coming, and he tried to prepare himself, but he didn't know how to; he was scared of the pain he was sure would come with it, but at the same time he wanted it, to feel the Joker inside him - the climax of their dance.

Joker smiled excitedly as he positioned himself and grabbed Batman’s waist, Batman glanced down at the madman's hands and felt his body tense. He shouldn't feel this way, he shouldn't want this, but he knew there was no way to stop it. Joker bit his lip as he pushed against Batman and watched as the head of his dick eased its way in, Joker threw his head back when he heard Batman grunt. Batman felt a slight sting as Joker enter him and grunted – trying not to shout out, he was trying to not react, prove to himself and Joker that he didn't care. Joker slowly pushed himself further, forcing himself not to give in to his urges and hammer himself in, he needed to make it as satisfying for Batman as he could, he needed to prove himself right and to prove that Batman was not the saint everyone thought he was.

Batman accidently let a groan slip from his throat as he felt Joker slide inside him, He heard Joker chuckle lightly, "oh you like that do you Batsy? Don't worry; I'm not going to stop…" Joker gave Bruce a slight jab, testing his boundaries, Batman breathed in sharply "No… Stop,” he was scared, the discomfort had gone and he was starting to enjoy the feeling.

Joker giggled and gave another slight jab, before pulling out almost completely, he felt Batman relax slightly, he smiled and whispered "No," before swiftly forcing himself back inside. Batman screamed out, Joker grabbed Bruce's chest and scratched at the man's front as he started rolling his body into him, pulling the other man closer, going as far in as possible, he smiled widely as Bruce groaned heavily, he started kissing his neck, biting slightly.

Bruce couldn't control himself anymore, he was being dominated by pleasure, his dick was throbbing and his head was tingling. He was moaning loudly and couldn't stop himself. Joker had also started moaning, he was enjoying it more every second, hearing the pleasure and self-hatred in his partners voice was turning him on to the point of explosion, but he held himself back. He moved his hand down from Batman’s chest and grabbed his pulsating cock, tugging on it hurriedly.

Bruce tipped his head back and groaned, "Ohhh fuck…" he breathed.

Joker moaned and kissed Batman’s neck again, "Yes Batsy, make some noise for me, scream for me…"

Batman shook his head "No Joker, stop this." Joker smiled again and repositioned himself, searching for Batman’s prostate.

Joker smiled as Bruce started to feel a tingling sensation fall over his body and shouted out "Oh god Joker."

Joker laughed, "Scream for me, you know what I want to hear."

Bruce knew he shouldn't, but Joker started to slow down, so he screamed loudly and yelled "Yes, Joker, please."

The clown sped up again, ramming himself into Batman as hard as he could, "Tell me to fuck you."

Batman screamed again, "Oh god, Joker fuck me!" Joker squeezed Bruce's penis hard as he felt the man's length pulsate, and felt the warm white liquid drip down his hand. Batman's head exploded in a waterfall of delight which washed over him, making him shudder and spasm, he moaned with gratification as his orgasm ended. He expected Joker to stop and pull out, however Bruce felt the discomfort grow as Joker sped himself up, repositioning himself again he thrusted hard and fast into Batman, he started groaning and laughing loudly as he let himself go, and he felt the familiar warm sensation flow through his body as he emptied himself into his enemy.

Joker pulled out, panting, wiping himself on his boxers, rubbing off the lube and jizzm. He mopped the sweat off his forehead with the back of his hand and walked round to face Batman, who was shaking slightly and panting in exhaustion, covered in sweat. Batman didn't know what to say, what could he say to express how much he hated Joker for doing what he had? Joker looked at the other man and smiled, planting a small kiss on his cheek, "Didn't I tell you you'd love it? Now, I'm sorry to fuck and run, but I really do have a lot of important things to do,” he collected up his clothes and started towards the door, "I look forward to seeing you again," he said as he bowed slightly and exited.

Batman hung his head, what had he done? He couldn't deny it, he had liked it, he had done the one thing he promised he would never do, and had liked it. Joker was right…

As Batman felt himself come to the brink of tears at this realisation, the door flew open, Bruce jerked his head to see who it was, scared that it was Joker back for another round. But no, Nightwing stood in the entrance to the room and stared open mouthed at his friend, confused as to how he had ended up in this state. "Dick, don't you dare say anything. Just get me down…"

.

Dick was worried, Bruce hadn't said anything about what had happened, he refused to, he had sat silent in the Batmobile all the way home, and now he sat silently in his favourite chair.

He pawed at the arm of the chair slightly, trying to rid his mind of the horrible events of that night.

Dick stared down at him, "Bruce I kinda need to know what he did, you look like shit." He moved round and tried to put himself in Bruce's line of sight, but he flinched away, it was as if he thought that merely looking at Nightwing would cause him physical pain.

"No Dick, I will not tell you what happened. Just know it wasn't good,” he shakily raised himself to his feet, and started walking up the stairs, "See yourself out when you're ready, I'm going to have a shower…"

Bruce stepped into the path of the scolding hot water, flinching slightly as the water burned into the many cuts on his torso, but he needed to wash, burn the stubborn sweat from his skin, he felt… he felt like scum. An hour later he finally got to bed, body thoroughly cleaned, though his mind was not. His thoughts plagued by Joker. His laughter, his touch, both echoed through his mind, making him shiver in self-loathing.

24 hours later, Batman gingerly stepped into the night, he felt anxious, his suit didn't feel as safe anymore, it just felt like an item of clothing. He glided through the streets with shaking confidence, looking over his shoulder and flinching at shadows. He wouldn't have thought it would have had such a negative effect on him, but it had. He dreaded next meeting Joker, Joker had seen him at his most vulnerable, Bruce hated himself for letting it happen. It made him sick.

He stopped an armed robbery and a burglary that night, a slow night? – just what he needed.

That was until he received a message from Alfred. A Jeweller had been robbed, and the job had Joker written all over it, literally; the word had been spray painted over the walls a dozen times. It was a sign, definitely. Bruce shuddered violently. He didn't want to go, but he knew he must… it was ok, Joker probably was long gone. He sighed to calm himself, he couldn't _not_  go, it would show weakness… and he wouldn't put it past Dick to realise what had happened just from one act like that.

He made his way to the jewellers and found nothing. All the cases were empty and all the windows cracked, but as far as Bruce could see, there was no dna evidence, no fingerprints no footprints. It was all very odd, not at all 'Jokery'.

As he walked down the dank alley back to the Batmobile, he heard an all too familiar voice yell his name. Batman reluctantly turned his head to see Joker’s silhouette against the nights sky.

"I didn't expect to be seeing you so soon, after what I did to you I'd expect you to need bed-rest…" Joker growled, hopping onto the ground, a few meters from Batman.

Batman almost cowered at the sound of the man's voice, but gathered himself none the less. "Do you still not get it Joker? After what you did to me, I'm still out on the streets doing good. Your plan didn't work."

Joker laughed, eyes filled with amusement and hate, "Oh but it did my lovely bat, it is, I've been watching you all night, I know how you feel. You feel a little inadequate at the moment don't you? I don't blame you, after seeing a fine specimen such as myself. I swear, sometimes I intimidate  _myself_. I'm just  _too_  brilliant."

Joker stood, now just out of Batman's reach, waiting for Batman to speak. But Bruce… couldn't, he was stuck, paralysed by Joker's laughter, his mind was blank, he wanted to run. No! He couldn't run, couldn't show weakness, not to this bastard.

"Fuck you Joker," was all he could bring himself to say, which he immediately regretted.

Joker raised an eyebrow and smiled, "You already have. Would you like another go little bat? Like last time? Or different?"

Batman grunted and lunged at the other man, Joker dodged gracefully and simply stared at the crusader. "Alright maybe not… Wow, I really did  _destroy_  you didn't I? You can't even string a sentence together now can you." He chuckled through gritted teeth, "We used to talk, I would talk and talk, and you'd try to talk me out of it… whatever 'it' was."

Batman blinked, he tried to think of something to say, anything. "Joker…"

Joker frowned pointedly, "Oh god, I feel _bad_  now. And to think… all I wanted to do originally was make you laugh. But you've forced me past that point. Why don't you see it…? Why don't you see that we're the same?"

Batman felt his stomach turn, "We are not the same Joker, do you know what you did? You didn't prove anything, you raped me you bastard. Nothing more. Whatever change you think you've seen in me, is purely because of the psychological damage that you've caused me."

Joker bowed slightly and tipped his hat, "You're talking to me about psychological damage? Have we not met?" He chuckled loudly, "Come now Batsy, you know you liked it. I could see you did." He took a step closer to Batman, Batman didn't move, Joker hadn't expected him to. "Your reaction…" He sighed breathily, and smiled as Batman visibly shivered and blushed slightly, unconsciously.

Joker was standing less than an arm's length from the Dark Knight now, Bruce couldn't bring himself to move… part of him didn't want to. Why? Why didn't he want to move? A few minutes ago he had wanted, more than anything, to run. He felt flushed, hot under the collar. This was new, weird, this unbearable tension, he didn't like it, he couldn't bear it.

Batman flew forward, Joker didn't have any time to react, before he knew what was happening Batman had pushed him to the ground.

Batman pinned the clown to the floor, and stared at him, eyes like daggers. He was just  _so_  angry. He sent punch after punch into Joker's face, blood from the maniac's face splattered over him and the floor. "How fucking dare you Joker!" he yelled, still punching the bloodied man, "I'll kill you, you little shit!" Joker's eyes gleamed, his face split into a torn smile and he began to laugh. The sound reverberated down the alleyway, Bruce's eyes widened. What was he doing?

And suddenly he was gone. Joker was left lying on the floor with a broken nose and bloodied face.

Batman jumped into the batmobile, and held his hands to his face for a second, before realising that they were covered in Joker’s blood, "Oh god, what did I do… That's what he wants! Oh god…"

The intercom buzzed as Alfred spoke into the car, "Sir, did everything go ok? Did you find the Joker?"

"Yeah Alfred, but he... got away. I'm going to do another quick round, then come on home, okay?" Bruce gently slammed his head against the steering wheel. First he threatens to kill Joker, now he's telling lies to Alfred? Alfred of all people! Bruce couldn't believe himself, he felt almost as bad as he had the previous night. What was he going to do…? If it were anybody other than himself he would have suggested counselling, but who could he talk to about this? This… disgusting thing that had happened to him, that had been done to him.

Bruce sat for almost 5 minutes resting his head against the wheel, revelling in self-pity repeating to himself the words 'Oh god'.

Alfred knew something was wrong, seriously wrong, Bruce was acting very strange, and whenever he talked he sounded as if he were a few seconds from crying. When he returned from his rounds he had the stitching pattern of the batmobile steering wheel imprinted on his head, Alfred had almost laughed… He took Bruce to one side and handed him a nice cup of tea. "Master Bruce… What's the matter?" Bruce looked away, he didn't say anything. "Please, sir. Remember when you were young, and you didn't want to talk about your parents, but I made you? Remember how much it helped?" Bruce's mouth twitched, Alfred could see the cogs in his brain turning, but he still didn't speak. "… Do you remember how it helped to put it in third person? Made it easier for you to talk about? 'I have a friend who'…"

Bruce lifted his head, "I have a friend who doesn't want to talk about it." He took the cup of tea from the table and left the room.

He stopped just outside of it and held his hand, once again, to his face. He grunted angrily, Alfred was right… It would be so much better to talk about it. He knew it would. He was just too weak to do it. Just like he was too weak to stop Joker from capturing him, too weak to stop Joker from raping him, too weak to stop himself from liking it, too weak to stop himself from being scared, too weak to stop himself from attacking Joker.

"Such a weak, insignificant little shit…"

He sank to the floor, Alfred had followed him out, he knelt down and took the cup from Bruce before the tea spilled over the carpet.

"Sir, you are not! How can you think that of yourself? Sir, I implore you. Please. Tell me what happened."

Bruce curled into himself slightly, "I… I don't actually want to say… not to you… It was just so humiliating… It made me feel so weak, so…  _wrong_ , like  _dirt._  And I saw him again tonight, and, I threatened to kill him. Oh god, I just feel terrible…"

Alfred started to feel sick as it slowly dawned on him what had happened to Bruce, he could see all the signs of it…

"Oh my lord. Oh Sir, I'm so sorry." Alfred said, raising a hand to his mouth, "I understand why you wouldn't want to tell me. That is just the worst thing that could happen to someone."

Bruce let out a haggard breath, he could feel tears forming at the back of his eyes. "I don't understand how I could let it happen… I feel so weak…"

"Sir, when this sort of thing happens you've got to understand that it was forced. You didn't  _let_  it happen."

"I did! I should have stopped him! I'm the god damn Batman! I should have been able to stop him!" Bruce finally succumbed to tears, letting them fall from his eyes and onto his suit.

"Master Bruce… I'm sorry, I didn't expect to ever have to help you in this matter, I don't know entirely what to say. But, I know that you couldn't have stopped him, the Joker is a disgusting, terrible man. You couldn't have stopped it. Try to focus on the fact that it wasn't your choice, you didn't want it to happen, you didn't like it."

There it was, the folly of his argument, that Bruce hadn't liked it. But he had. He hated that more than anything. Bruce stared down at his clenched hands and swore at himself.

"Hopefully, if anything, that will make you realise that it wasn't your fault; all the blame is on his side. Maybe that will give you the courage to capture him, and put him to justice, once he's back in Arkham you'll be able to put the whole mess behind you. Once he's locked up I promise you, you'll feel better."

Bruce wiped his eyes and started to get to his feet, "Thank you Alfred, I'm sorry about that, I'm sure I'll be fine, I just need a little time to recover."

Alfred nodded and made his way towards the living room, "Think about what I said sir."

He did, it was all he could think about, Alfred had implied that through liking it, through wanting it, some of the blame was placed on him, and he was right. He was sure that he could have gotten away if he'd had the mind too… but, something inside him told him that he should let it happen, that if Joker wasn't doing it to him then he would be doing it to someone else. So he had let it happen, he had wanted it to happen. But he still detested himself for  _liking_  it.

He couldn't stand himself at that moment, if it wasn't for the thought that it could have been Nightwing, or Robin in that situation, then he would have hung himself from the rafters. Although, in the back of his mind, he knew Joker would have only ever done it to him.

All Bruce could think to do was sleep, hoping that somehow some magic answer, some unexplainable clarity would come to him, but as he tried to drift off he kept imagining the Joker, his inexplicably long fingers touching him, remembering the slight buzz which had seemed to emanate from them. He wasn't sure if the shiver it caused him was from disgust or pleasure.

.

Bruce sat, staring at the T.V. He had dreamt of it again last night. The warmth of breath on his neck, the feel of skin against skin, the amazing feeling of being with another person… the overwhelming anger and guilt that followed. For the past few nights he had been plagued by this dream, and he had woken in a cold sweat, feeling almost scared by it. However, this morning, he woke feeling almost content, with a large smile on his face, because he had woken himself before the part of the memory where the Joker had 'blown his load' - so to say. The part of the dream when he felt so fulfilled, on the verge of  _happy,_  before the walls came crashing down at the realisation of what had happened, and what he had said and done sank in.

He felt… numb… Joker was right;, he felt as if he'd betrayed himself, he felt as if all the blame was on him. He felt corrupted, so dirty, so  _wrong_.

He put his hand to his forehead, he had asked,  _ordered_ , Joker to fuck him. He couldn't get over that, he had said that, screamed it. He groaned angrily, whenever he thought of it he felt sick, he couldn't believe himself, of all the things that could have happened…

As Batman he'd been shot, caught in explosions, been poisoned countless times, had his bones broken, even his back. He'd trade in this for a broken back any day…

It had crossed his mind that he might just be gay, he'd gone to a bar the night before, not telling Alfred where he was going. He'd sat there watching the _dancers_ , and felt nothing. That sort of thing had always scared him, not the 'gay' part, the whole idea of sex. Being that close with another person,  _letting them in_. It had occurred to him that it may be because Bruce Wayne was not who he really was, if he were to sleep with someone it would be as if he were lying to them, in the most terrible way. But  _Joker_ , he knew who Bruce really was.  _Batman_. That was who Bruce really was.

God he felt so disgusting. It was the best, most intense, most fulfilling sex Bruce had ever had, and it was with  _him_. It was  _forced_. It  _wasn't_  real, it  _wasn't_  reciprocated. Joker had only done it to prove a point.

"Point  _fucking_  proven," he hissed furiously.

No, come on, he couldn't allow himself to think like that. He was better than that. He couldn't let himself be defeated by mere thought. He was still physically capable, he couldn't let one psychological  _knock_  destroy everything he had worked for, everything he believed. They were not the same.

…But it was true: Joker was the only one who understood him.

But they were  _not_  the same.

They never would be.

Bruce's thoughts were interrupted as Tim walked into the room.

"Oh, Bruce, there you are… Umm, are you okay… He told me not to tell you but… Alfred told me what happened."

Tim had initially been angry at Bruce for not wanting to come out at night, but then had seen Bruce. It seemed as if he were waging a war inside his own head, he looked so disparaged, angry and sad in one expression. So unlike him.

He had asked Alfred. Alfred immediately told everything, the story spewed out of him like toxic vomit, and Tim's anger turned to pity.

"I knew Joker was capable of some bad shit, but  _this_." Tim sat on the sofa next to Bruce, his expression jolted as he noticed that Bruce jumped slightly when he did so.

"…He was always like this,” Bruce mumbled.

Tim's eyes widened, "You mean it's happened before? How-"

"-No, I don't mean that. He's always done that weird flirty crap with me… honestly I was quite surprised when he had that thing with Harley Quinn."

He had walked in on them once, he was trying to capture Joker, as always, he'd dived into their hideout and found the two entwined. He remembered Joker’s reaction as being "Ooh Batsy, come to join the party have you? Be warned though, I'm already about half way through." Bruce had felt so  _embarrassed_ , he'd had to force himself not to leave, to stay there and finish the job.

Tim chuckled, "Yeah I think everyone was…"

Bruce sighed and shifted in his seat, "You know what. I think I will come out tonight. It's been a… umm…" His eyes narrowed, he wasn't sure how long it'd been, that rather unnerved him, he normally had a very good judgement of time, that was unless he were working on some big project.

Tim smirked, almost evilly, "It's been two weeks Bruce. But don't push yourself, if you don't feel up to it then you don't have to."

Two weeks? It didn't feel that long, he really would need to go out then wouldn't he. It had happened before; if Batman disappeared for a few weeks and the rabble of criminals would become a little cocky, and crime would rise by a percentage point or two. He couldn't risk that, someone may get hurt.

Bruce shook his head swiftly, "No, Tim, it's ok I'll come out, I'm feeling a lot better today… I just need to have a shower first. I'll only be a few minutes."

Bruce stared at himself in the bathroom mirror, as he undressed to enter the shower. He had especially dark bags under his eyes, he hadn't been sleeping much… His face was covered in long dark brown stubble. He was a mess without Batman…

He took the bottle of shaving foam from the shelf by the sink and squirted a large globule of the froth onto his hand, and pasted it onto his face. He sighed and grabbed his razor, as he dragged the metal blade down his face he wondered what he would face that night, because it certainly would not be a slow night.

He'd had so many showers since that night with Joker, but still every time he saw his naked reflection in the mirror, the thought that echoed in his mind;  _filth_. The only thing that seemed to make it better was the feel of the scolding hot water rushing over his skin. Bruce splashed the water over himself, flinching as it burned him, turning his skin bright red. He shouldn't have to do this to himself to feel better, this was self-harm… But still he stepped into the stream of water, head first, he grunted gruffly as the water stung his face.

Bruce sat in the batcave, waiting for Tim to get changed, he stared blankly at the glass case which held his costume. That worthless costume. He frowned, and felt a sudden flood of anger towards the item of clothing. The force of him getting to his feet caused the chair to fall backwards, he took several steps towards the glass, all the mind to smash it, as if that would somehow make the pain go away.

"Bruce?" Tim asked gingerly, "What are you doing?"

Bruce grunted angrily and slammed his fists on the bulletproof glass, he exhaled and tried to calm himself, "Tim… it's… nothing, I'm fine."

The teen approached cautiously, "No you're not. Bruce, seriously, if you're not up to going out then you don't have to."

"I am ‘up to it’, I'm fine, if I chicken out now then… I'll end up giving up altogether and then if something bad happens and I won't be there to stop it." Bruce glanced over at Tim, he was angry with himself more than anyone else, for letting himself get so anxious about going out at night. Because truthfully he was scared, he was scared of seeing Joker again and feeling that same tension he had felt before, he was scared of losing himself and doing something stupid, last time he had managed to stop himself before it was too late, but what if this time he couldn't?

He was terrified that if they met again he may kill him.

Tim frowned slightly, "Alright Bruce, but I'm gunna stay with you for a bit, I don't want you freaking out and doing something stupid."

Bruce huffed as he pulled his suit out of the case and clipped on his armour, "I'll be fine Tim, I don't need you  _worrying_  about me,” the mere idea of Robin having to keep watch on Batman was humiliating…

He and Robin glided through the dark, quiet streets, and for a brief moment, Bruce felt almost at home, tranquil and calm. But then came a gunshot, the noise tore through the night as Batman saw a man fall through a door and into the road below.

"You shot at me you bastard! That almost hit me!" the man yelled, he chuckled and got to his feet, "Dude, let's go, the cops'll be here soon, coz 'o you and your buggered trigger finger."

Another man, holding a gun, walked through the door, "Ah fuck, you known they won't bother. Even Batman's given up on this shit hole."

Batman came out from the darkness. "No, I haven’t,” he said to the two men, "Put down your gun,” he glared angrily at the armed man as he flailed the gun towards Batman, trying to aim it at the dark knight.

"O-or what?" stuttered the stumpy man. Batman didn't answer, instead he sent a well-aimed kick into the other man's head. The first man, the armed one, screamed effeminately as his friend fell, unconscious, to the floor, he faltered and stumbled over nothing, he dropped the gun and whimpered, he fell over himself as he attempted to get away.

Batman punched the man to the floor, knocking him out, he stared down at the man and let out a happy sigh. He loved being Batman. He almost laughed at himself, he couldn't believe he had even thought of giving this up, this amazing feeling of control.

"Batman? Are you alright?" asked Robin, tugging on his mentor's cape, he looked almost scared.

Batman nodded, "Yeah, of course. Why?"

Robin looked away slightly, as if what he were about to say was quite embarrassing, taboo even, "You're… smiling."

He was, quite widely in fact.

He shook his head slightly and returned to his usual stoic self. The two made their way to the top of the infamous Ace chemical building, Batman felt almost back to normal, it occurred to him that the incident with Joker had affected him as Bruce Wayne rather than him as Batman, he started to wonder if Bruce Wayne and Batman were becoming separate people. Certainly he showed them as different people outwardly, but were they becoming separate in his mind? If so, which one would he become?

He sniffed in amusement, this was a reason he loved being Batman, it gave him time to  _think,_ about things that didn't matter and would probably never happen, but saying that – several things of the things he had imagined during his early 'career' had ended up happening.

For a few minutes they sat there in silence, he took the time to ponder on how he really felt about what had happened, it had all become so confused, muddled in his head. One moment he felt upset, felt like curling into a ball and crying, the next he'd feel so incredibly angry, as he had in the batcave only an hour before.

Robin smiled, "You're seeming a little better now Batman."

Batman nodded, slightly annoyed at Robin for pointing it out, "Yeah."

"I think it was more the idea of coming out that got to you, now that you're actually out you're fine."

Batman grunted emotionlessly, "As long as we don't run into Joker I'll be fine… But, if we do, I don't want you going anywhere near him Robin, is that clear?"

The younger man glanced away, "Yeah… alright, if you feel like you need to do it on your own."

Batman rolled his eyes, he felt like he was being talked down to, by Robin of all people… "No, you know what Joker can be like, if he's taken a turn like this… just… best for you to stay out of his way."

Robin smiled, "…Yeah I think I'd rather keep my virginity…"

"He's not exactly the best person to lose it to either," Batman smirked bluntly.

Tim let out a deflated sigh, "Batman, I can't believe that happened to you. I, really, it's just…" He shrugged in disbelief "I can't believe it… how can that have happened to  _you_?"

"It doesn't matter if you believe it or not, it happened, and I would really like if it was kept in as small a circle as possible. It's only you and Alfred who know, so let's keep it that way."

Robin's eyes narrowed slightly in confusion, "Why don't you want Dick or Barb knowing?"

"I didn't want  _you_  knowing,” Bruce snapped, bearing his teeth slightly.

Tim crossed his arms "Don't get annoyed at me, Alfred could have lied or something, it's not exactly a nice thing to know…"

Bruce stood and readied himself to glide off, "It wasn't a very nice thing to participate in… Looks like there's a bit of a commotion to the south east, near the church."

Tim stared through the darkness towards the church, a flume of smoke seemed to be coming from the area. He jumped to his feet and the pair flew towards the smoke.

Bruce became noticeably jumpy and agitated as the two came closer to the site, as the air filled with _that noise_. He started to feel lightheaded and his grip on his tether started to loosen as nausea rose in his stomach, he looked over at Tim, the boy looked back with an obvious expression of concern.

"Robin," Batman grunted, jerking his head towards a nearby block of flats. The boy swung over, with Bruce close behind him.

The vigilante frowned, "That wasn't my imagination was it…?"

Robin shook his head, "I guess I'll be staying here then?"

Bruce nodded harshly, "Yes, I'm not having him come _near_  you."

He sped off towards the source of the Joker’s laughter.

.

Joker laughed, whistling as he pushed armfuls of stock into his shopping trolley. "Oh how I love shopping! I think I'll have a chicken curry for dinner tomorrow…"

He trotted over to the frozen food isle and took armfuls of the precooked food-stuffs, "Rocco! It's time to go wild in the aisles!" he yelled over at one of the two men who followed him, each pushing another shopping trolley, "'Coz this is supermarket sweeeep!" He hollered with laughter and threw more useless items into his trolley.

"Come on men, get a move on, spring in your step and all, Bats will be here any minute! 'Got a big smoke signal outside for him. He won't be able to resist!"

Rocco cocked his head "But, sir, no one's seen Batman in weeks. How do you know he'll show?"

Joker put his hand to his head, pinching the bridge of his nose in frustration, "… Rocco, I swear… I've told you before you fool. I know Batman.  _He. Will. Come_."

Bruce decided this would be the ideal time to drop down from the panels in the ceiling. He landed noiselessly behind Joker’s two goons and slammed their heads together, the pair were simultaneously knocked unconscious, and they fell to the floor.

Joker threw his arms into the air in greeting, Batman was instantly reminded of Joker doing the same action when presenting himself naked, he shuddered violently at the memory.

Joker didn't notice Batman's discomfort, "Batsy! My little bat! It's good to see you, the boys were starting to wonder if you were coming. I knew you would though, ya know why? 'Coz we're the same. Just as how you knew you had to come out tonight… You know why that is?"

The slender man stood for a couple of seconds, as if he was waiting for Batman to answer the question. "Because we are the same,” Joker flashed an overemphasised frown, "I really don't get why you don't see it. How else would I know to come out tonight? The same night you decide to come out."

Batman seemed to ignore his plea completely, "You're coming with me Joker, back to Arkham. Where you belong."

Joker flailed his arms, like a toddler having a tantrum, "No-o, I belong here! With you, doing this,  _more_ than this. Like last time."

Bruce was confused, did he mean last time as in when they fought, or last time when they… The armour clad man huffed and took a few steps towards Joker.

Joker crossed his arms and smirked "Ooo-ooh, look at you being all forward, bit early in the day for that…" he lifted an eyebrow, "Oh who am I kidding, I'd like nothing more!" He stood opposite Batman with his hands raised in a 'fisty-cuffs' pose, "You know what I've been doing for the past few nights?"

Bruce knew exactly where Joker planned to take this conversation.

" _Fantasising_ ," the clown smiled.

He was trying to make Batman angry, like he had before, provoke him into attacking.

"About you."

Batman narrowed his eyes, trying to focus.

"What you did, what you said."

He would not get angry.

"How you  _ground_ against me, and  _screamed_  for me… Told me to keep fucking you…" Joker squirmed joyfully at the memory and let out a happy little grunt.

Stop it, stay calm, do not get angry.

"Ooh even just the thought is getting me  _hard,” Joker_ chuckled and pouted slightly, "God you were good…"

…There was no way he could keep calm…

Within a second Joker had been pinned to the floor, and once again was having his face hammered by Batman's fists. But Batman couldn't stop himself, instead of bringing him back to rational thought the Joker’s gurgled laughter was taking him deeper, spurring him on.

Joker’s laughs eventually dissipated, becoming wheezes and gasps through the blood that was now pouring from his nose, and from the space where one of his front teeth had been only five minutes ago.

He was starting to become dizzy, intoxicatingly so. He couldn't bring himself to laugh for fear of throwing up, and he couldn't let that happen, then Batman would stop. He smiled widely as Batman swore repeatedly and started to tear off the clowns clothing.

"…I'll show you how it feels…" was one of the last audible sentences Joker could make out before the ringing in his ears started to distort sounds, and white noise started to pound in his head. He was sure he was topless now, the concrete floor stung his back with cold, he wasn't sure; his senses were becoming blurred, but he managed to focus enough to look down and see Batman starting to undo the belt of his suit, and he felt his trousers being pulled down roughly. He contemplated starting to laugh again, but stopped as he realised another person had entered his field of vision.

"Batman stop!" Tim yelled hysterically, "What the fuck are you doing?" He tried to pull Batman away from the clown, but he was too strong, Tim put himself between the two men, only then did the older man stop.

It was as if he'd been in some horrible trance, he literally saw red, a haze of adrenalin and hatred, then suddenly Tim was there, telling him to stop. He looked down to see Joker, half naked, covered in blood, wheezing out hints of laughter.

"T-Tim?" Bruce stuttered in a daze, Robin's eyes widened in shock, Bruce quickly realised what he'd said, and immediately checked Joker’s auditory responses. They were shot to hell, what had he done to him?

It had happened again, worse than before as he'd feared. How could he have done such a thing?

"Robin, let's go," Batman grunted in anguish, getting to his feet.

"What, we can't just leave him!  _Look what you've done_!" the boy yelled, still hysterical. He couldn't believe what he'd seen.

Batman glared angrily at the younger man, "I know perfectly fucking well what I've done, we have to go, now!"

Batman sat silently on the head of a gargoyle, he hadn't said a word since they'd left the supermarket. Robin gingerly approached him, "… Is it true? What Joker said. About you… umm."

Batman let his head drop, "You… You heard him? How long were you there?"

"I was there the whole time, I followed you in… Is it true?"

Batman grunted angrily, "You weren't supposed to know about any of this…"

"Bruce!" Tim snapped, "Is it true?"

"Why didn't you stop me from beating him?" Batman yelled back.

Robin turned to walk away, he felt so angry, how could it be true? It couldn't be true, Batman would never do what Joker had described.

"After what he did to you, I thought he  _deserved_ it. But I couldn't let you go too far, I couldn't let you… you… were going to  _rape_  him, Batman.  _Why_  would you do that…?" He suddenly became flustered, as if he were only just realising what Batman would have done had he not been stopped.

Bruce felt as if he were going to throw up, "Why would I do that…?" he mumbled to himself. "I don't know. I wasn't myself, I didn't know what I was doing… It should never have happened, I shouldn't have come out."

" _No_ , you should have left the Joker, I know you were scared for me but you should have let me handle him. At least I wouldn't have ended up beating him almost to  _death_ , or attempting to _rape_ him… I'm sorry I can't… I have to go Bruce, I can't be around you at the moment. I can't  _believe_ you!"

The young teen flew off, leaving Batman sulking. How could he have let himself do that? If Tim hadn't appeared, he would have... What was happening to him?

He stared into his hands, his gloves were soaked with the Joker’s blood. He swallowed hardly in an attempt to stop the feeling of nausea dancing in his stomach, but it didn't work and vomit clawed its way up his throat. He stood, coughing violently, tears started to pool in his eyes, how can this have happened?

It was too much, he had to go home.

He sat at home, dressed in his usual three-piece suit, he had his knees pressed to his chest and his hands hugging onto his feet, staring again at the TV.

Alfred stood by the door, holding a tray of food, "Master Bruce, sir? I brought you some carrot and coriander soup, your favourite,” he placed the tray in front of his employer, and took a seat nearby.

"Sir?" coaxed the older man, leaning forward slightly to put himself into Bruce's eye-line, "What happened?"

Bruce glanced up at Alfred, "You told Tim,” he grumbled.

Alfred exhaled and dented his hands together, "He was worried for you, I didn't know what to say. I am sorry sir."

"I told you in confidence, I  _cried_  in front of you,” Bruce let go of his feet for a second to point a finger at Alfred "You've brayed my trust. You've got to promise you won't tell anyone else, promise you won't tell anyone what happened."

Alfred let out a small, deflated sigh, "Sir, I promise, and I am so sorry that you feel I betrayed your trust. It won't happen again, but I'm  _very_  worried about you, please tell me what happened."

"I…I saw red,” Bruce said hesitantly.

Alfred frowned, his jaw dropped slightly, "You saw red sir? Wha-what did you do?"

Bruce gritted his teeth, made sick by the memory of his actions. "Nothing, Tim stopped me, but… Joker… I beat him, he was unconscious when we left, bleeding badly,” Bruce inhaled deeply, "I was going to rape him, I'd unclothed him and everything, if Tim hadn't stopped me. I would have done something terrible..." Bruce could feel something rising in his throat, he wasn't sure if it was emotion or nausea, he didn't know if he were going to cry or throw up.

Alfred's face immediately lost its colour, he opened his mouth to speak but no words came out. He cleared his throat slightly, "Sir. I think we may need to book you in for a counselling session."

Bruce chuckled slightly, "How would we do that? Have Bruce Wayne go into a counselling session, admit that he's Batman, and that he was raped?"

The older man shook his head and gave a slight smirk, "You can do that sort of thing over the internet now, do it over an encrypted channel so they don't know it's you. But you really need to talk to someone, I must insist you do this."

Bruce grunted in annoyance, he was clearly uncomfortable with the idea, but he knew what had happened was unacceptable, he knew he needed help. "Ok, can you set it up for me?"

"Of course sir, it shouldn't be too hard to find a website."

It, of course, was not very hard to find a psychologist willing to work over the internet, although it did prove harder than Alfred first suspected; the first few people he talked to denied him, as they said they would only talk in person, something about body language and subconscious signals. But he found a woman, a specialist in rape, and rather highly respected in her field. Dr Jane Kipper, who said she'd rather only be called Jane, as she believed it would give the interview a more relaxed tone.

As far as Alfred could tell, Jane was a rather lovely woman, and she really seemed to understand what Bruce was going through. The two talked over the phone to arrange the appointment and she had told Alfred that it was usual for male victims to experience swings between anger and depression, as Bruce had. Although Bruce's case was almost unique as most men would have become reclusive for a while, but he had, it seemed, sought out the attacker in order to gain revenge, it may not have seemed that way, but as Jane pointed out, as would many other psychologists, 'nothing is truly accidental, everything is purposeful'.

The phone call had been recorded and a rather sceptical Bruce had run a voice check on this Dr Kipper, followed by an in depth background check, but everything checked out, so he agreed to talk to her.

So now Bruce sat in the Batcave, in front of the computer, fingers poised over the keyboard. He wasn't quite sure what to say… type. But as soon as he saw the blue words "Tell me what happened." appear on the screen his fingers started moving like a blur, typing how there was this man he knew, and hated, who he always fought with, who had raped him in order to psychologically upset him.

"Well are you sure that's why he did it? That seems a rather unstable thing to do."

Bruce told her that Joker, who he referred to simply as 'J', had been in and out of Arkham asylum's C wing – the wing that held the baser level criminals and run of the mill crazy people. And he told Jane that he was doing everything he could to put 'J' back there.

Jane turned the conversation back to the subject of the rape, and asked him to talk about how he ended up in such a position. Bruce described how he had been on his way back from 'work' and the lunatic had jumped him and knocked him out, and how he had woken tied up in some unknown room.

"Tell me, how did you feel about the incident?"

Bruce sat for a minute, not typing, not knowing  _what_  to type, how to put it into words.

"I don't know,” he finally typed.

Jane didn't reply, most likely she was waiting for Bruce to expand on the thought, but it did occur to him that she had left the computer to make herself a cup of coffee or to answer the door.

The thought made him smile slightly. Made him feel a little more comfortable.

"Anger mostly I guess."

"At who?"

"Myself."

"That's normal. Why do you feel angry?"

Bruce thought for a second, it was safe, she didn't know who he was, he needed to get this out…

"Because I liked it."

There was a minutes more silence from Jane until she finally asked "What do you mean?"

"I liked it, sex with J." Bruce furrowed his brow, he forced himself to press the send button. The seconds between sending the message and receiving Jane's reply dragged passed. Bruce sat there, he could feel his pulse in his throat, he was, for whatever reason, scared of what her response would be.

"Why did you like it?"

"I'm not sure."

"This is a safe place, you can tell me."

Bruce placed a hand behind his head and reminded himself that it was safe to talk freely, but it still took him a few minutes to configure the words.

"It was like everything had been leading up to it, after our years of fighting what else is there?"

After sending that message he sent another. The four words "Because it was forbidden."

It took so much to make himself send that message. And as soon as he had, he wished he hadn't. Although his regret quickly turned to confusion, when he saw Jane's response.

"Do you work with the police?"

"Of sorts. Why would that matter?" Bruce started to feel a little uneasy, what if she guessed who he was. This was exactly what he had been afraid of… Why had he agreed to this…?

"It's common for people who work enforcing the law to feel a certain sort of excitement when they break whatever moral laws they've set for themselves, when they know the consequences. That's why it's so hard for someone to reform once they have become corrupt. It isn't just the power they gain, it's the excitement from knowing they've done wrong."

"It didn't feel exciting, just right." Bruce couldn't stop himself from sending that, the thought that someone thought that he, Batman, was corrupt in such a typical, awful way. "At first I thought I may be gay, but no, it's just him, being with him made me feel complete."

"Then is it possible that that's want you wanted? You must know that there's a thin line between love and hate. Maybe the tension you felt before you attacked him was confusion between the two."

Bruce frowned, unsure of what to type next. It was… Impossible. Disgusting to even think of.

Jane started writing again, "Did you suffer any childhood trauma? Sometimes that causes some of the signals to become crossed."

Bruce sat and stared at the computer screen. This was too much, she was too close. He was suddenly overwhelmingly terrified, he closed the window and shut the computer down. He sat at the computer, feeling inexplicably out of breath, almost panting.

Bruce leant back on his chair and sighed raggedly, he needed to get away from here for a while, and really clear his head.

.

He planned to depart from Gotham, he wanted to go to Canada and lock himself away for a couple of weeks in one of their distinctive winter cabins, he was going to leave Alfred a private phone with instructions to call him only in an emergency.

He was just out the door, bags in hand when Alfred dashed out after him. "Master Bruce!" Alfred shouted, obviously horrified by something. Bruce turned swiftly, hearing the fear in the grand old man's voice.

"What's happened?" Bruce asked, narrowing his eyes, he had not seen Alfred look this worried since he had informed Bruce that Barbra had been shot.

"He's got Tim."

Bruce dropped his bags, and ran as fast as he possible could, down to the Batcave. In less than a minute, he was dressed and ready to go.

"Do we know where he is?" Bruce asked hurriedly.

Alfred stood behind Bruce, panting slightly from the run down the stairs, he pulled something from the top of the desk.

"He left this,” he said solemnly, holding the item out for Bruce.

Bruce turned to take the black scrap of material, it had a note attached to it, it was not until he'd removed the large piece of paper that he realised what the object was. His jaw dropped slightly and his pulse rate quickened, he felt a sudden heavy weight on his heart.

It was Tim's mask.

He fumbled with the note as he shakily unfolded it. A red mist of anger fell on Bruce as he started to read. " _Dear Batman, I have your boy, sweetheart! He's fine at the moment, but knowing me, he may not stay that way for long. I'll see you down Smoker alley, later Darling. –Joker_ "

Bruce felt an odd mixture of anger and fear flooding his brain. This was one of his worst fears, he had already lost one Robin to this psychopathic madman, he was not going to let him take another.

He was in Smoker alley in a matter of minutes, but now he was there he wasn't sure what to do. Smoker alley was an alley lined with ethnic shops, always filled with life, along with a malevolent haze of smoke from the nearby fisheries. Whenever Joker had left messages for Batman in the past, they always led him to some decollate place that Joker was currently calling home, Batman searched but there was no such place here, all the nearby buildings were inhabited.

So he sat there, unsure of what to do next, if the Joker wasn't here then Batman would need to wait for him to present himself… however it could be many hours until Joker showed himself, hours in which he would surely be torturing Tim. Oh god, poor Tim, Joker had taken his mask. Tim would never knowingly let that happen, Joker must have knocked him unconscious. What if Joker was torturing Tim in the same way he had tortured Batman? He was only a boy, no one should be put through that, let alone a child. If Joker dared lay a finger on him, Batman swore it would be his last act.

Batman sent Barbra and Dick to search the places Joker had previously stayed, everywhere from the old comedy clubs to the half-knocked-down warehouses. They found nothing.

Batman sat there. Waiting. He didn't want move and have the Joker show up while he wasn't there. He didn't want Joker to see him leaving and take it as some disrespectful action, and then take out whatever resulting anger on Robin.

The blackness of night soon fell on the city, and Batman still sat waiting, he let out a deep sigh. Maybe he wasn't coming…

But then he heard it. The Joker’s laughter, and instead of the horrified feeling he'd felt the last time he'd heard it, this time he felt relief, and understandably so.

"Oh Batsy! You made it!" Joker called to him, stepping in to the light of a streetlamp, his face was distorted from view by the purple hat unique to him.

Batman dropped down in front of the purple clothed man, "Joker, where's Robin?"

Joker cleared his throat, "He's in a secure location… Want me to show you where?" He removed his hat to reveal his mangled face. His nose was badly broken, bent almost sideways, his face was seriously lacerated, and there was a clear gap in his teeth where one was missing. It made Bruce's stomach turn, but he stayed silent and simply nodded slightly.

"Ok then,” Joker said happily, he turned and hopped to the wall next to him, he lifted himself to the windowsill, and slowly hoisted himself onto the roof.

Really? He was going to show him, just like that? It had to be a trap.

Batman followed Joker to the roof. Joker had wondered across, and eyed the ledge on the tall opposing building. "…Right…" he murmured to himself, taking a few steps back and framing the gap in his hands.

Bruce frowned slightly, he couldn't be about to do what he thought he was.

Joker took a large bouncing step forward, and threw himself off the building, he flew through the air, grabbing on by his fingertips to the handle of a window. Batman watched in astonishment as Joker sped up the wall, lifting himself by his fingernails, digging into the gaps in the bricks, in under a minute he had reached the roof of the building.

Batman followed, and reached the top, only to see Joker sprinting off, he leapt off the building onto and smaller one, he dashed across that roof, and another, climbing terraces to gain height, before leaping onto the next roof.

Bruce pursued him in utter amazement at the sheer strength and agility Joker was showing. Even though Batman knew it wasn't true, and that Joker often showed superb amounts of strength and agility, he sometimes couldn't help thinking of Joker as 'weak'. It was odd to see someone of his stature doing something so strenuous. He was almost having trouble keeping up.

Joker laughed, looking back over his shoulder at the dark knight, "Come on Batsy, keep up, almost there!" he yelled, smile beaming on his face.

Batman narrowed his eyes, the Joker’s statement reminding him of why he was chasing after his nemesis.

Joker suddenly slowed, he was panting slightly, he bent over a little, and hooted "Oooh-ho. Well wasn't that a load a' fun!" He turned to face Batman, who was standing in his usual dominating stance, "We're here,” Joker smiled, straightening himself up and sweeping his hair back. He dropped from the roof of this, a small shack-like bungalow, and opened the door.

He bowed and let Batman enter the tiny house, Batman had to duck his head slightly so he didn't bang his head on the ceiling. Joker trotted across the single room and sat on a dank, stained old foldout cot-bed, which, Batman assumed, Joker must be using as a bed and sofa. Across the room was an old TV perched precariously on a cinderblock, next to a sink with a microwave under it, there was another cinderblock in front of it that seemed to be being used as a table – with dirty plates, alcohol bottles and cups stacked up on it.

"Excuse the mess," the clown said, smiling up at Batman.

Batman could only stand there, unsure of what to do, Tim wasn't here. "Where's Robin, Joker?" he grumbled, he knew it wouldn't have been as straight forward as Joker had made it sound.

Joker smirked, "He's here somewhere… or at least he was when I left, see -" he pointed to a small patch of brownish-red on the floor "-That's some of his blood! … Fine, I had him moved, but he _was_  here."

"Joker. What have you done with him?" Batman grumbled, gritting his teeth.

Joker lifted his legs onto the bed, laying down in an effeminate pose, as Batman would usually see him in Arkham. "What did I do with him? Hmmm… How about I show you!" He leant forward to pick the TV remote off the floor, he turned the TV on.

"Come on Batsy, sit down and enjoy the show. You'll like it I promise! It's been nominated for an EMMY!" Joker tittered.

He was doing it again, trying to provoke Batman into attacking, and Bruce knew it, he wanted to leave. But Joker had Tim, Bruce couldn't risk losing another Robin.

Joker pulled himself back into a sitting position and waited eagerly for the tape to start. Batman stood, every inch of him inching to get away. Once he found out what had happened to Tim, then he would…

The camera floated over Robin’s head, it zoomed out to reveal that he was roped to the cot bed, the same one Joker was sitting so comfortably on now.

" _Hellooo Let me introduce, his first appearance on Joker TV, little Robin III._ " The camera, obviously held by Joker, moved in a little as Joker sat on the bed next to the tethered teenager.

" _How old are you boy? 14 now? Well then, this'll probably be your first…_ " Joker chuckled, the scene wobbled slightly as Joker bent down to produce a bottle of scotch, he pushed the pouring-pipe into the young man's mouth. " _Come on boy, you'll like it I swear_." Tim simply glared up at Joker.

" _Now, see, there's a reason I'm having to do this… This little man here, won't talk to me. He's not as confident when you strap him to a bed. So I'm just going to loosen his tongue a little_." Joker leant in, putting the camera down. With one hand held the scotch bottle in Robin's mouth, pushing the pipe down the boy's throat, with the other hand he pinched the boy's nose. Robin quickly began to choke through lack of air, as when he tried to breath scotch ran down into his lungs.

" _Drink it!"_ Joker snapped, picking the camera back up, Tim reluctantly complied, he tried not to cough as the liquid burned his throat.

"Boring!" yelled Joker over the sounds of Tim's coughs, he pressed a button on the remote, making Robin’s coughs and shudders become jerks on the screen.

Batman gritted his teeth, watching his young charge become… drunken… He wanted so much to punch Joker out, but he needed to find out where Robin had been taken.

Joker played the tape again, leaning in slightly more, as if it were a new action-thriller.

Robin was coughing violently, trying to stop himself from vomiting. " _Ohh-oh, careful boy_ ,” Joker stretched out a hand and cupped Robin’s face, he ran his thumb over the teens face, dipping it in Robin's mouth for a second and grunting happily. " _We don't want to ruin that pretty face of yours do we_?  _Though I'm sure it'd be prettier without that mask blocking your gorgeous eyes…_ "

He tapped robin on the cheek, " _Hey, little Robin, I just thought, if your daddy doesn't show up, I might get to slice that pretty face of yours off…_ "

Robin's head lulled slightly, he was struggling to keep his focus. " _'e's not my farther,_ " the boy slurred.

Joker turned the camera to face himself, pulling a mock surprised face. He turned it back to Robin, " _Yeah? I bet the other two weren't his either? A bit_ Greek  _of him don't you think? Once they get to a certain age he throws them out? …Or gives them to me…_ "

Robin tried to pull himself away from Joker, but flinched slightly.

Joker cupped his face again and cooed " _Oh poor little baby. Does your shoulder hurt from these horrible ropes uncle Joker's tied you up in?"_

He moved his hand from Robin’s face to his arm, he grabbed it forcefully, twisting slightly, making Robin squirm in pain. " _Bet you wanna cry don't you boy? Scream, whimper,_ sob? _Go on, do it, I won't judge you."_

Joker grabbed harder and pulled, Robin struggled and started to whimper in pain. " _Come on little guy, just a few_ delicious  _tears…"_ He jerked the child's arm up, and Bruce flinched as he heard a slight crunch, he was holding himself back so much, digging his nails into his palms, trying not to snap, and beat Joker within an inch of his life.

Robin grunted and moaned in pain, his eyes were welling up with tears. Joker's mirth flowing from behind the camera, blocking the short sobs escaping from the boys lips. Joker pushed his hand onto the break, making Robin cry out in pain. Laughter tore from the TV, Batman could stand no more of this.

The anger inside him had grown to a point of near-explosion, "Joker,” he growled, "Where is Robin."

Joker leaned in closer to the TV, "Shhh, Batman, it's getting to the bit where he passes out."

"Tell me now!" Batman shouted, he could feel his face growing red in frustration.

Joker turned to look at Batman, and smiled, "I haven't seen you this flustered since I fucked you. Although you were a little _louder_  when I did…"

Bruce gritted his teeth, he could feel the red mist descending over his mind, "Joker, I'll only ask you one more time. Where. Is. Robin."

Joker grinned in malice, "Oh Batsy, I'm having far too much fun to do that. Watching you get sooo angry, and knowing you can't do anything!"

Batman frowned slightly, Joker was right, normally he would have beaten Joker to get the answer, but he couldn't this time, he was so unsure of himself at the moment, and Joker was going to take full advantage of that.

Joker stood up and walked to Batman's side, "You know that if you were in your normal state you wouldn't even have let me play the video! Come on Batsy, I know how mad you must be, hit me! Just one little punch." He pawed at Batman's hand, trying to lift the massive fist.

Batman pulled away, trying to tug his hand away from Joker, Joker held firm.

"Batman, you know you want to, I know you're scared, but you _can't_  be, you're Batman. Come on, be a  _bad_  boy for once in your life. If not for me, then for poor little Robin. Do something bad for a good cause. Like you always do."

And with that Batman snapped, how dare he? How dare Joker act as if what he was doing were for Batman's benefit? How could torturing a young boy possibly do any good? How could anything Joker had done have any sort of positive affect?

Joker smiled as he saw Batman's expression suddenly change, and he laughed as Batman flew at him, knocking him to the ground.

Batman leant over Joker, positioning the clown between his legs so he couldn't struggle away, he struck Joker repeatedly, anger flowing from him with each punch. Joker groaned in delight at each hit, and started pushing his hips up, grinding into Batman as he continued receiving blows to his face.

Bruce could feel Joker pressing into him, even through the armour and cloth separating them. It felt good, better than the release he was getting from beating him. Joker started moving his hands down towards Batman's waist, running his hands down his sides. Batman's punches slowed, realising what Joker was doing.

"J-Joker I-" Batman began to stutter. Joker suddenly forced his head forward, pushing his lips onto Bruce's. The clown's hands moved to Batman's head, pulling him further into the kiss.

Bruce tried to pull away, it felt good, but, it was wrong.

Joker kept hold of Batman's head as the man tried to back away. "Batman,” Joker said, leaning away slightly, "Please…"

.

Batman sank into Joker, indulging in the taste of his mouth, their tongues wrapping around each other as they kissed, exploring the mouth of their partner. Bruce could feel Joker quivering gently beneath him as he moved his hands to begin unbuttoning the clown's waistcoat, doing so slowly and teasingly.

Joker, impatient as he was, pushed Batman's hands out of the way slightly and tore off his uppermost clothing, breaking their kiss in the process. He started to fumble at Batman's belt, trying to remember where he had found the release button last time.

The vigilante smiled lightly and guided Joker's hand to the clasp, Joker tugged at it firmly and the belt, as well as the surrounding armour, peeled away delicately. Joker let out a small chuckle as he pulled away the amour surrounding Batman's crotch, then quickly forced off his own trousers and boxers.

Batman stared down at the slender, now naked man. Joker smiled, he ran his hands up the insides of Batman's thighs, sliding it along Bruce's semi-hard cock, Bruce let out a short sigh as he watched Joker begin to caress it.

He'd started to move his hand faster now, he could feel himself becoming hard too. He inhaled sharply as he gazed up at Batman, he slid his legs from underneath the stronger man and wrapped them around his hips. Bruce placed his hand on Joker's chest and dragged it down the man's pale skin, hoping it was giving Joker the same delightful buzz that Joker's touch had to him. He grasped Joker's cock harshly and began tugging on the swelling appendage.

Joker gritted his teeth a little, he took his hand from Batman, moving it to pull off the dark knight's rough, armoured gloves. He threw them across the room, not moving his eyes from his partner's dick, his hand returning quickly to it.

Bruce groaned as Joker tugged on him, he took his un-gloved hand and returned the action, Joker moaning in turn. Joker hugged Batman with his legs, thrusting upwards, pulling Bruce towards his entrance.

"Wait," Batman grunted suddenly, backing away slightly.

Joker frowned, "…What? What's wrong Bats?"

Bruce shifted faintly, slightly embarrassed, "Don't you need… Umm…"

Joker scoffed, he repositioned himself, pressing into Batman, and pressing himself onto the floor. "Your concern is  _touching,_ really…"

"But, won't it hurt?"

Joker rolled his eyes, "You know me Bats, pain'll only make it better."

"I don't want to hurt you." Batman leant backwards to stop Joker's advance.

"Previous experience would suggest otherwise. I don't  _care_ if it hurts, I just want it to happen."

Batman turned, trying to loosen the grip of Joker’s leg's, "I-I don't think-"

Joker grunted in anger, banging his head against the floor, "This isn't how it was supposed to go! It was supposed to be that I seduced you, then you seduce me. That's it, done, over. But no, your stupid kid had to go and interrupt us. Now everything's ruined…" Joker's legs slacked, falling almost to the floor, the clown put a hand to his face.

Bruce stared down at the disheartened man, and frowned. What did Joker mean? Did Joker want Batman to rape him? Why? Bruce quickly re-attached his armour and belt and grabbed his gloves, "You didn't seduce me Joker, you raped me, I won't do the same back to you."

Joker dug his nails into his scalp, "No, that's…" He chuckled suddenly, shaking his head, as if Batman had said something incredibly stupid, "That's not what I meant…" He slid himself away from the vigilante, laughing loudly, he reached for something under the bed. He picked out a walkie-talkie, and breathed deeply in an attempt to hush his laughter.

He smiled over at Batman, who was slowly getting to his feet, and looking rather flustered by the Joker’s sudden onset of giggles.

Joker pressed the button on the walkie-talkie, "Red bravo one this- Heheh- this is Red bravo leader. Let the boy out, I'm finished here…" he let the button go.

Joker's stature changed again, he crossed his arms and stared up at Batman, a hard frown sculpted on his face, "Little Robin's got a bomb strapped to his chest, he's to the west of that history museum you love so much, I suggest you go and get him now, before he destroys half of Gotham."

For a second Bruce stood completely still, he was…confused by Joker’s sudden change in demeanour.

"Go on then Batman!" Joker shouted from the floor, "Fly away!"

Batman ran from the tiny house, and moved as quickly as he could towards the history museum that only half a year ago had been lobbied for demolition. Bruce Wayne had headed the campaign against it, the act to demolish it failed, only a week after Joker had tried to blow the place up himself, and Batman had stopped him. It was one of Bruce's favourite places as a child, so much so that his father had arranged for his seventh birthday party to be held there.

Why had Joker done this? 'Batman, please' he had said. 'Please.' He had said it so softly, like he'd needed it, like it would make them both happy, like it would end everything. And he had _turned_  so suddenly when Batman had started to question it. Bruce didn't know what was going on, he often didn't when dealing with Joker.  _Please._  Batman cursed himself, he couldn't believe how he'd acted, it was so unlike him, why had he… he disgusted himself…

He rounded the corner of the old building, gazing over the streets below him. He saw the distinctive silhouette of Nightwing, cradling Robin's body, the boy's head lulled to one side and his arm hung unnaturally.

Bruce jumped down, rushing to the young man's side. "Nightwing, be careful, there's a bomb."

"No there's not Batman, only this,” he held up a belt, covered in some sort of white foam, "It exploded when I tried to take it off, it's shaving cream. Not a bomb."

Bruce frowned, "You shouldn't have moved him, he's –"

"Injured? I know, but I checked, it's just a bump to the head and a dislocated arm, he'll be fine after he wakes up, let's just get him home," Dick smirked slightly as he handed Bruce the unconscious child.

Bruce placed the boy on the medical table of the Batcave, hooked him up to the heart rate monitor, and injected him with a painkiller. "Dick, how did you know where Tim was, I thought you were checking the outskirts? The museum is in the city centre."

Nightwing smiled faintly as he undressed from his costume, revealing the vest and boxers beneath, "I… kinda followed you… and listened in on your conversation with the Joker."

"Oh," Batman grunted, feeling his whole body suddenly tense, "So you know what happened?"

The young man nodded, he could feel himself blushing in embarrassment at what he was about to say, "Yeah… Well I sort of guessed the night it first happened, I walked in on you after all, and I _do_ know what cum looks like. For god's sake, how could I  _not_  guess? "

"Please," Batman grunted as he bent over the young Robin to examine his arm, "Don't think less of me for what I did."

Nightwing chuckled, he walked over to one of the counters to put the kettle on, "Bruce, nothing can destroy my opinion of you. I think the world of you no matter what happened to you. If anything it made me think more of you."

Bruce lifted Tim's dislocated arm and began to pressure it back into its socket. He scoffed, he felt so embarrassed that Dick knew, more so than when Alfred or Tim had found out. "What? How?"

Dick shrugged, "Dunno, just, kinda makes you seem a bit more human,” he mumbled as he made their tea, he knew that comment would upset Bruce slightly, but it needed to be said.

A frown appeared on Bruce's face, "Is that a good thing? Batman isn't supposed to seem human."

The younger man chuckled, "No, not you 'Batman', you 'Bruce'."

Bruce bent over Tim, shining a torch in his eyes, "What do you mean? They're both me."

"Batman is the legend, Bruce is the man. I always felt close to you when I was Robin, or Nightwing, and you were Batman. But I never really felt that close to you as a person, I mean… When have we ever talked like this? When it wasn't about Batman stuff." Dick brought Bruce's tea over to him, and took a sip of his own.

Bruce took a swig of the hot drink, "When you were younger we used to talk all the time."

Dick rolled his eyes, "Yeah, but we lived together, and I never really felt I could talk to you about… the sort of thing that a teenage boy might need to talk about."

Bruce drained the rest of his drink and walked round the table, so he was standing face to face with the young man, "What sort of things?"

Dick felt a slight rush of anger, that was years ago, how did Bruce think that talking about it now would help? Why not before, when he'd actually needed it? He'd never told anyone, but he'd had times where he wasn't sure of anything. He hadn't known what was happening to him, or if what was happening was wrong, or right, or normal, or at all supposed to happen. He'd been so scared of the emotions he was feeling, of what was happening to him.

"I'm 28 Bruce, pretty much the same age you were when you  _got_ me, most of the things I needed to know I know now." Dick took another sip from his cup, trying to hide his anger.

"Yeah but I've got this one-" he gestured towards Tim "-at that age now… I might wanna know what subjects to brush up on."

Dick pulled a chair out from under the table, he sat down and rested his arm on the table, where to start… "Umm… ask if there's anyone he's noticed; we could have avoided a whole  _thing_ if you had known I'd liked Barb, before I actually went out with her. He'll probably feel really confused about himself for a bit, I mean, that get up you have us wear, well, it didn't exactly dispel any doubts I had at the time."

"What do you mean?" Bruce half-chuckled, glancing over at Robin, who still lay unconscious, "I always thought the Robin suit looked good on you."

Dick put a hand to the bridge of his nose, pinching slightly, "Yeah but it's a little… flamboyant…" he let out a deep sigh, "Bruce I… I really freaked out when I was going through puberty, I got depressed, I couldn't sleep… I kept waiting for you to talk to me, to tell me that what was happening was ok, but you never did. I just needed you to explain what was happening, that what I was feeling was ok."

He could feel himself welling up, he didn't realise how much weight he had been holding by not telling Bruce how he felt.

Bruce was in shock, he didn't realised that he had failed him that badly, "I- I'm sorry, I didn't know I…"

Dick stood, turning away from Bruce in an attempt to hide the tears threating at the back of his eyes, he couldn't speak, if he did then he was sure the tears would fall.

Bruce took a step forward, placing a hand gently on Dick's shoulder, "I'm sorry." Dick tried to shrug Bruce's hand away. "Dick. I am, I didn't know  _my_ stoicism was having a bad effect on  _you_. I should have realised, I'm sorry." Bruce stopped talking as Dick turned around and pulled Bruce into a firm hug. Bruce could feel the young man shivering with tears, and returned the embrace, Dick needed this, he knew it.

"It's ok," Bruce whispered, he felt Dick's grip tighten around him, "You're doing alright for yourself now aren't you?"

"I s'pose," Dick managed to say over the threatening tears, "But, I could'a turned out better…" he muttered, an attempt at a joke.

Bruce pulled himself away from the boy slightly, "Don't say that. You are… Brilliant. Anyone would be lucky to have you."

Dick chuckled and backed away from Bruce, wiping his eyes, he hastily picked up his almost empty cup of tea, and poured the dregs of it into his mouth, "I'm sorry about that Bruce, I… dunno…"

"Don't apologise. And I meant what I said, whoever you end up with is going to be the luckiest person in the world,” Bruce smiled toward the younger man.

Dick wiped his face again and sniffed lightly, "I don't know why I reacted like that… It was years ago."

Bruce patted Dick on the back, "I should have done something, back when you needed help. You seemed to be handling it fine, from my point of view anyway."

Dick flashed a false smile over at his mentor, over the years he'd become pretty good at hiding his emotions from Bruce, he knew that sort of thing made him uncomfortable. He felt almost embarrassed at having _almost_ cried in front of him.

He had a feeling that Bruce could see through his defences now, it made him uneasy, he didn't like being vulnerable.

Bruce chewed his lip, he could tell Dick still felt insecure, still needed someone to talk to, "Dick. I don't want you to feel that there's anything unsaid between us. You are my best friend, I don't want you hiding anything from me,” the young man sighed deeply.

He let his false smile fall at the end of Bruce's sentence. "Well, then there's a few other things I think you should know."

.

Joker lay on the army bunk, looking over at Batman. His hat was covering a large portion of his face in an effort to block out the light of day, he was roaring with tired laughter, "Batsy! Good ol' Bats. Finally come 'round to my way of thinking?" He picked up a bottle of green liquid from the floor and took a long swig, waiting for Batman's answer.

Batman stood in the corner of the room, leaning against the wall, unusually casual, his arms folded, smiling slightly.

_-"No I can't, it'll freak you out," Dick said, holding his hand to his face as if trying to stop something evil escaping._

" _Whatever it is, I can handle it."_

" _I think what's happening with Joker is a good thing," Dick said hurriedly, as if saying the sentence quickly would quell its impact._

_It didn't, Bruce frowned harshly, "How do you figure?"-_

"I have been persuaded," the vigilante smirked down at the clown, a smile slid across Joker’s face as he again started to laugh.

The laughter flittered out and Joker cleared his throat and took another swig of drink, "Do I need to _warm_  you up?" He threw off his hat and pulled himself into a sitting position, "Or shall we get straight to it?" He patted the bed beside him, inviting Batman over.

Batman strode over to Joker, pushing him against the bed, the clown looked slightly taken aback by Batman's haste. "Ooh, we really are getting straight to it,” he murmured as Batman forced their lips together.

Bruce kissed him frantically, nipping the man's deformed, cracked lips, they tasted oddly sweet, like apple, "Shut up for once in your fucking life,” he ripped Joker's shirt off, sparking a short, grunted laugh from Joker as he watched the buttons of his expensive shirt scatter across the room.

Joker's lips twitched in a stunned happiness, he let out stuttered vowels as they continued kissing, he relaxed as he felt Bruce's now un-gloved hand slide down his side, and start to take off his belt and trousers. "I love it when you're all stoic and violent,” he said through gritted teeth as he nipped gently at Batman's tongue and it dipped in and out of his mouth.

_\- "I heard your conversation with Joker. You said you didn't want to hurt him, and I suddenly realised, it's true, you don't, you never have wanted to. But until now it's been the only way you could control him."_

_Bruce cocked his head in confusion, "You think that sex is a way I can control him?"_

_The young man shook his head, "I think you think that."-_

Joker quickly located the clasp on Batman's side, pulling off the armour and dropping it to the floor, he sucked and nibbled at Batman's lips, moving swiftly to his neck, humming happily, he slid his hand into Bruce's boxers. He gripped the man's cock and tugged on it, shivering in pleasure at he heard Batman start to groan in pleasure.

Bruce grasped Joker’s dick and pulled on it rhythmically, letting himself fall into the moment completely, the feel of Joker’s hands on him. He let out a deep groan as he pulled Joker's legs apart, placing himself between them.

_-"You think you will be able to control him, without physically harming him. Think about what he said, how he said it. He said that once it happened it would be over. He got angry because you didn't understand. He thinks it too."_

" _Why would Joker want that?"-_

Joker reluctantly let go of Batman's member as he positioned and prepared himself, Batman quickly found Joker’s entrance, pushing a lubed finger in gently, as deep as he could reach. Joker moaned loudly, "Ahh, oh Bats…" he chuckled lightly, continuing nuzzling at Batman.

Bruce pushed Joker down, holding him against the bed, the madman tried to reach up and touch Batman, caress him in some way, but the vigilante ignored his attempts. Batman stared down at himself and levered himself into the proper place.

_-"Because he's getting old. He's got to be at least 50 now. I think he wants to end this… thing you have. I don't think he has much time left in this, and he knows it, he's getting slower, weaker."_

_Bruce's frown deepened, "You didn't see him earlier? When he was running across the buildings?"-_

Joker let out a long, laboured gasp as Batman started to push into him, he swore to himself, clasping his eyes shut and gabbing onto the sheets, he arched his back slightly and moaned, "Ahh god, Bats. Ooh you're so  _big…_ "

Bruce gently thrusted in, he started groaning loudly as he pushed himself in, slowly going deeper. Oh god it felt so good. He started to grind into Joker, erratically pushing until he was fully engulfed by the other man. Joker was moaning loudly, writhing beneath him in pleasure. The sight of Joker beneath him was elating, excruciatingly good. His white skin shivering with the effort of the haggard breaths he was taking, his back arching furiously with each thrust Batman made, and his face… ahh his face… the delightful mix of pleasure and pain sculpted on his face, grunting and groaning in time with Bruce's movements.

"Fuck…" Joker moaned, "Faster Bats, ah fuck…" Bruce started to move faster, rolling into the slender man beneath him. Joker almost screamed in pleasure at the sudden change of pace, "Fuck me yes, oh fuck... Come  _on. Big bad Bat,_ you can go faster than that,” he could, he started hammering into Joker, Joker gritted his teeth, "Shit. Ahh fuck, come on, harder."

\- " _I saw how exhausted he was, the look in his eyes when he realised you were as fast as him, he's always been able to outrun you before now. He hates that he's not as good as he used to be, he wants to give up, I think this is the only way he knows how. By finally proving that he can get you to do something you think is bad, and be happy about it. Even if it's not as bad as killing someone, it'll still be enough for him. In his eyes, he'll still have won."_

_Bruce sighed sharply, almost a snort, "You expect me to do that and be happy about it? How do you know this isn't just one of his sick games?"-_

Bruce lifted himself slightly, pounding into Joker as hard and fast as he could, as he came closer to climax, he started moaning loudly, huge guttural groans escaped from him. Joker grabbed Batman's hips, moving himself with Bruce's rhythm, forcing Batman's pulsating cock deeper, he let out a short scream, followed by long, loud screams of euphoric pleasure. He moved one of his hands from Batman's hip and started pumping his own dick as he came to his peak, "Oh fuck me Batman fuck me!" he screamed as he came with juddering laughter through his orgasm. The sight of the Joker’s explosion forced Batman over the edge, he shuddered violently and he emptied himself.

- _"Do I really have to sleep with him? It goes against almost everything I stand for… With all the things he's done… I, I can't…"_

_He felt so, odd. He didn't feel as horrified by the idea as he thought he should, the idea made sense. If Joker wanted to end this game, but he couldn't make Batman kill, then it would make sense for him to try to find something else, something almost as bad, wouldn't it?_

'Do something bad for a good cause. Like you always do.'

_It seemed, for the first time, Joker was thinking logically – or at least as logically as was possible for him – but everything he said seemed to be encrypted… Or maybe he always thought logically but Batman had never been able to see through the initial façade, maybe that was his joke._

_Bruce almost chuckled to himself: All the things Joker had done, all the things Gotham had suffered because of Joker's actions, all the things Bruce had suffered… And it came to this? This was the logical end?-_

Joker lay on his side, breathing through violent shivered laughs, Batman was already on the other side of the room dressing himself, "Joker?" he mumbled, the first thing he had said since pulling out. "Are you ok?" he obviously wasn't, something seemed to be…wrong, although Bruce wasn't sure if that was his doing.

"Y-Yeah,” Joker stuttered, curling slowly out of the foetal position, "Pain demands to be felt, I'm fine, it'll pass. Always happens."

Batman cocked his head slightly, "Well that can't be right, do you need something?" he strode the few steps between himself and the bed.

Joker smiled widely, "Oh my dear bat, it's a side effect of dying, as is …. well, everything,” he grunted as he pulled himself into a sitting position, "Isn't it customary for the fucker to vacate the area and leave the fuckee to sleep?" He pointed him towards the door, "Shoo now Bats."

He let out a short cough into the back of his hand, Batman was sure he saw blood. "Joker. Maybe I should take you to the hospital, you don't look well."

"Just fuck off!" Joker shouted. He picked up the glass bottle that was still standing on the floor and took another gulp.

Bruce frowned, he lifted a hand to Joker’s head, Joker flinched away, knocking Batman's hand away with a quick flail of the bottle, "I said fuck off."

"I really think-"

"You think too much. It's been happening for years, I'll be fine."

"Joker…" Batman felt an odd weight of concern he'd not felt before, he'd beaten Joker within an inch of his life before, and not felt anything like this.

Joker rolled his eyes and flopped back onto the bed, "Fuck… I got enough of this from Harley. Can you just fuck off, I don't need it from you too,” he chuckled, "Don't make me  _make_ you leave…"

Batman clipped on the last of his armour, "I'll come back."

Joker's lips split into a half-hearted smile, "Of course, never known you to back away from a fight, but later."

- _"You just need to learn that it's not a bad thing. Joker will still think he's done it, but really your mind will have already been changed."_

"…  _How do you suggest I do that…?" Bruce said hesitantly._

" _Don't know, find a way to look at it that makes it not a bad thing. Sometimes looking at a situation or person differently makes you act and feel different." The young man shifted uncomfortably in his chair, "Which, umm… Kinda brings me to my next point… When I was younger, I used to have a massive crush on Batman…"_

_Bruce furrowed his brow, unsure of what Dick was saying, or the relevance of the statement._

" _Not 'you' Bruce, 'you' Batman, you just… Always made me feel safe, and needed… and I don't know what it is, but your 'I'm Batman' voice, it just... made my knees weak." Nightwing chuckled, rocking on his chair slightly._

_Bruce smiled, "So…" he pulled up his cowl to reveal his face, "This isn't attractive," he pulled the cowl back down, "But this is?"_

" _Very attractive," Dick confirmed._

" _Why not Bruce Wayne?"_

_Dick smirked, "The obnoxious playboy millionaire Bruce Wayne?"_

" _I don't remember being called obnoxious."_

" _I added that one…" the young man smiled evilly. "…Bruce Wayne's not real. He's an act, a character you've created… Batman is real. Anyone who knows you as well as I do would be able to tell that."_

_Bruce felt his insides soften, he let out a small, weak sigh, "Joker's the other person who can see that…"_

_Dick smiled softly, hearing the tone of rancid pity in Bruce's voice, "Then maybe that's how you should look at this. Joker doesn't just want Batman, he wants the real you."_

_The masked man lifted the corner of his mouth, as if attempting a smirk, halfway between contemplation and acceptance._

.

Dick was standing at the batcomputer, looking up some foreign criminal, he glanced up as Batman walked in. "Hey, Bruce, you ok?"

Bruce nodded as he walked towards the computer, he glanced over at the medical table to see that Tim was no longer there. When Bruce had left an hour or so earlier the boy had still been unconscious. "Where's Tim?"

The faint smile on Dick's face disappeared, "Umm, he's upstairs."

Bruce raised an eyebrow, "You say that like it's a bad thing, he's ok isn't he?"

The young man bobbed his head in a 'so-so' motion, "He's fine, angry though."

"You told him,” Bruce grunted sharply.

Dick clasped his hands together, shifting uncomfortably, "Not exactly, I told him you'd gone to find Joker, he guessed the rest. He left shouting 'Bruce Wayne, the man who'll fuck anything.'" He chuckled nervously, "You and your smart kids right?"

Bruce nodded dispiritedly, he looked up at the computer screen "What's this?" he asked, gesturing towards the pages Nightwing had up.

Dick enlarged on of the windows to show the face of a balding man with a skull tattoo on his cheek, "Research: Some Hush imitator in France, just sending some of our intel over. So did you do it?"

Bruce took a seat next to the young man, "Yeah, I did. Can your research wait I've got some of my own to do."

He glanced between Bruce and the computer screen, "Uh, kinda urgent. He's killed 13 people over there already. What did you need to do?"

Batman looked fleetingly towards the floor before lifting his eyes to meet Dick's, he seemed tentative about telling him. "It's Joker, he's ill or something. After… after we'd umm, 'finished', he was in pain."

The young man chuckled childishly, he grasped Batman's shoulder playfully, "I didn't know you were going to be that rough with him,” he felt Bruce tense up under his hand, uncomfortable at the statement, "Hey, Bruce it was a joke… Did it go alright?"

Bruce smiled weakly, Dick said he wanted to have a more open relationship, this must be his attempt at that, "Yeah, better than expected I suppose."

"You sure it wasn't  _you_  that hurt him?" said Dick, smiling cheekily.

Bruce let out a small, huffed chuckle, "Yes. He said that it had happened before, that Harley tried to take him to hospital for it."

"But of course, he wouldn't let her."

Bruce shook his head no, "I offered, he told me to fuck off, said he'd make me leave,” he gave a slightly more audible laugh. "I should have just picked him up and taken him to hospital, but I left. Just walked out."

Dick rubbed Bruce's shoulder gently, "Well, after having... It's normal isn't it? To sort of, feel more forgiving or whatever."

That was true. Bruce was still confused by this odd turn of events. "I can't really believe it…" he started, shaking his head slightly, "You said you thought Joker was doing this because he was getting old, but, he… he thinks he's dying."

"Wait," Dick turned Bruce's so it was facing him straight, "He thinks he's dying? He actually admitted to it?"

That was… odd, to say the least, the last time Joker'd been sent to Arkham he'd been dragged to hospital semi-conscious, giggling like the madman he is, and had said that he would be out again as usual within a week. Truthfully he was in traction for a month after that, but he kept saying that there was nothing wrong with him, ranting that the doctors were keeping in a state of 'perpetual illness' for their own amusement.

Bruce nodded, "He said that his pain was a side effect of dying. He said that everything else was too… but I don't know what he meant…"

Dick frowned suddenly, a look of bemusement fell on him, "That's weird… that's really weird. Look, I found this-" he typed a few commands into the batcomputer "- this is a transcript for a psychological exam they did on Joker a few months ago."

Blazing on the computer now was a script of one of the monthly exams conducted on patients at Arkham asylum. This one was between the Joker and a 'Dr Mahogany'.

' _I presented the Joker with the Rorschach cards, category one. His response was recorded.'_

Dick played the recording. As soon as Joker started to speak Bruce felt uneasy, something was wrong with him, his speech was slurred and unorganised, he sounded unfocused.

" _Oh look itsh a puppeh with it'sh head chopped off, ah-hah"_

Had they given him sedatives? They should know not to do that, Batman had advised them against it before, it simply made him more unstable.

" _Tha' ones' a bat, a lovely big bad bat. Where is my Batman, I need to give him something."_

Dr Mahogany started to speak, a young man's voice, he sounded cold but his voice had a lovely singsong quality. He spoke jokingly " _What do you need to give him sir? He's here a lot; I may be able to pass it on for you."_

The Joker chuckled, unable of concentrate in his new state of drug-addledness, " _Oh you gorgeous thing, I doubt you could do it with the right tone… I'd like to give you a try though, bet you'd be lovely…"_ Bruce couldn't help squirming a little, even in his half-conscious state Joker was still talking… like that.

The doctor snapped his fingers, presumably to gain Joker's attention, " _Eh, come on Joker, don't fall asleep on me now. Tell me what this card is."_

" _Izzit a brain? Looks like a brain… it's bleeding… poor brain… heh-hah-hah… These drugs you've given me are having some terrible side effects, I can't see straight… Hahah- it looks like you've got 4 eyes! Or are you just wearing glasses?"_

" _Final one,"_ the doctor said, there was a rustling of papers in the background.

Joker groaned uncomfortably, " _Stop it, you're killin' me, I've had enough of your shit!"_ there was a muffled smash as Joker pushed something over.

" _Joker,"_ the doctor said gruffly, " _this is the last one, then you can go back to your room."_

" _Nope, nope, nope, not gunna tell yoooo,” Joker_ laughed,  _"Bring me Batman and I might tell you…"_

' _Joker refused to give his opinion of the last card. Picture below.'_

Batman looked at the picture, to him it looked like a coffin, possibly a cross… He let out a deep sigh, he knew that was probably what Joker saw as well.

Dick took a seat next to Batman, "That was a week before he raped you."

"I need to find out what sedatives they used on him," Batman said, he pulled the keyboard from Dick's hands and swiftly pulled open Joker’s treatment page.

They had used a variation of different drugs on him, the newest and highest dosage was of a drug called HPC1220, commonly known as 'hyperpshycopresstion'. Bruce had heard of this drug, one which would repress certain brain activity, supposed to rid a person of their ability to keep secrets for a short amount of time. Although at first tests were promising, it was banned because it had caused patients to be violently ill, many test subjects had choked on their own vomit during their sleep, no drug like that could be released.

"Ouch," Dick remarked as he read down the long list of painkillers, sedatives and repressive drugs they were using on him, "No wonder the poor bloke's crazy, most of these have been banned,” he laughed , pointing up at one of the words, "I mean, this-" he pointed to another "-cancels this out. Batman, if these drugs are still in his system they could be doing him some serious harm."

Batman got to his feet, and started towards the batmobile "I need to take him to hospital."

Dick walked after him, "What? You're going now? It's almost daylight."

"Yeah, I'll be back later."

Bruce made his way back to the small shack-like building, Joker wasn't there. Where had he gone? When Batman left he had been in no state to move, why would he leave and risk what health he had left?

…He was Joker, why would he  _not_  do that…

After a scan of the room, Batman noticed several small drops of blood on the floor, he thought to follow them, but the trail ran dry a few meters from the door.

He went to the alley where they had found Tim, and again found nothing. There was a woman there, wearing a top so small she had to keep hoisting it back up over her breasts, Bruce, for a second, had thought it may have been Joker wearing a disguise of some sort, but immediately realised that wasn't the case.

It seemed he was clutching at straws.

… But in all honesty he didn't want to find him…

"The world would be so much better without him,” he announced as he walked back into the batcave, his sudden appearance making Nightwing jump.

"I don't know why I keep trying."

Dick sighed, "You didn't find him then?"

Bruce shook his head, taking a solemn stance at the computer. "…I don't know why I keep trying…"

Dick smiled, a charming little smile he'd not worn in front of Bruce before, "Because you care. You're a good man Bruce, it's just in your nature to try…"

Bruce shook his head again, he scoffed mockingly, "I am not a good person, Clark Kent, he's a good person. I'm, I'm not."

"Yes, you are," Dick said sharply as he moved closer to Bruce, "How can you say that? If you weren't then why would you be out there every night, you wouldn't be trying so hard… Seeing you act like this has reminded me why I used to have such a crush on you. You're just so passionate about what you do. I'd be worried for the human race if you weren't on our side."

Bruce smiled pitifully, Dick was wrong. Although his tone was sincere, was that really how he saw him?

…Maybe he didn't know Bruce as well as he thought…

"Bruce." Dick tenderly held Bruce by the arm, "You have got to believe me… You are the best person I know."

Bruce recoiled slightly in surprise as he suddenly found Dick’s lips pressing against his. He felt that lovely warm rush spread through his body and mind, the buzz of pleasure created by their mouths caressing each other.

Dick felt so elated, pure joy, he had dreamed of this since he was 13, to have this dream realised was… Fantastic, just amazing.

He slowly moved his hand towards Batman's crotch, he'd give anything for this to happen…

Bruce's eyes widened, he jumped back suddenly, coughing, almost choking in disgust.

What had he just done?

"Dick,” he said bluntly, bile aching in his tone.

The young man stuttered, his face had drained of its colour, he hadn't wanted this to happen, not like this, it was a lapse of judgement, "I'm sorry Bruce, I don't know what happened."

Batman gritted his teeth, his head gently pounding with anger, "You are my adopted son. My god damn son! How could you think this would be ok!"

Dick frowned, how dare Bruce act as if it wasn't his fault?

"You kissed me back!" he yelled, face contorting in a sudden flood of frustration, "You know how I feel, how I felt. What did you expect me to do?"

"I will NOT be 'Bruce Wayne, the man who'll fuck anything.' I will NOT!" His voice cracked with emotion, and he found himself needing to sit down, as if all the muscles in his body were suddenly too weak to hold him up.

Dick's anger softened, "Bruce…" he said gently, "That's not who you are…"

"That's what everyone thinks!" Bruce snapped, his voice filled with a mix of anger and sadness, "I won't be  _that_."

Dick smiled slightly, "I don't think that, Joker doesn't think that, and what does it matter anyway? As long as you know that it's not the real you, that's what matters right?"

Pinching the bridge of his nose, Bruce let out a deep disparaged sigh, "I don't know anymore, since this thing with Joker… I just don't know…"

"Bruce it's not who you are,” Dick said at almost a whisper, he walked to Bruce and put a hand on the older man's shoulder, "You can't let yourself think like that."

Bruce hastily shrugged off Dick's hand, he almost growled as he spoke "Don't touch me Dick."

He felt Dick's grip on him loosen, even though he couldn't see the young man Bruce could tell he were frowning. "Dick… I just think I need some time to myself, to think things through."

He pulled himself completely out of Dick's reach, getting to his feet, still not content to look at the other man, he strode to the batmobile, and was gone before Dick could think of what to say next.

.

Bruce sat on the head of a gargoyle, the highest seat in Gotham. He stared down at the fading night and sighed, even now, after over two decades of trying, what had he done for this city?

He was becoming tired of this, the unwinnable fight against crime, an _ideal_ … Joker wasn't the only one growing old in this war.

Growing old was something he never thought he'd do.

He found himself thinking back to the morning previous, when he had gazed at himself in the mirror and thought again  _filth._ He remembered the sight of his skin; it was becoming old, withering. It occurred to him that he had never imagined himself old, until now he had always thought of himself as still being the 23-year-old man he had was when he first stepped out as Batman.

It felt so long ago.

It  _was_ so long ago.

Was he losing his judgement with age? Was the line between Bruce Wayne and Batman starting to fade?

He didn't want to change, not like that.

He'd kissed Nightwing. Oh god the thought made him feel ill, his adopted son. How could he do that?

And it had felt good, He'd almost liked it, but it wasn't the same feeling as when he was with Joker, not the same sort of 'like'.

Maybe he was just growing fond of the physical contact? Yes, that had to be it.

But did that mean he liked being with Joker, truly liked it?

He'd sat there for hours, or so it seemed, he wasn't sure how long it had been, but the sun was on its way up, he'd have to go soon.

…No, this wasn't enough time, he needed more time, more time to think.

He'd wasted so much time. He needed to find Joker, get him to hospital. He'd known he'd not had much time, but still he had sat there.

And still he sat there, even as the sun peaked over the horizon.

A familiar voice appeared over Batman's shoulder, "A bit light out for you Bats? Shouldn't you be hanging upside down in that cave of yours?"

Bruce let out a heavy sigh as he turned his head to see Joker standing on the ledge of the building, his face was bloodied, it looked like he'd been fighting, recently, "Joker… I've been looking for you."

Joker scoffed, taking long confidant steps along the narrow bricks towards Batman, "No you've not, you've been sitting there for  _ages_. Looking very pensive about something, what's going through that little bat-brain of yours?"

"Why are you here? I thought from your tone before that you didn't want to be around me," Batman turned completely, getting to his feet.

"Oh Batsy, where did you get that idea? I want to be  _all around you_ ,” Joker growled suggestively, the noise made a shiver run down Bruce's spine. "More than anyone will know…"

The mad man took a few more bouncing steps towards Batman, "So… Whatcha doin' up here?"

Batman crossed his arms, his body oddly tense, "You know me so well, why don't you tell me."

"Watching the sunrise?" Joker smiled his sweetest smile.

Batman's mouth twitched into an almost-smile, "That doesn't sound like something I would do."

Joker blew a raspberry and rolled his eyes, then he sighed, "You were…" he hummed thoughtfully, "Thinking about how all this has happened, how it all ended up how it did, and you were watching the hypercritical masses start their day."

He leant on one of the gargoyles that lined the old building, "Look at them down there…" he let out a small chuckle, "They don't care do they? No matter what happens, they still carry on with their stupid little lives, in majority at least…"

"That's the beauty of the human race. Their ability to exist through anything, to adapt and survive."

"But is it worth it? Surviving all this? You're still going to die in the end."

The two of them gazed down at the barely-populated streets, knowing that in a few hours they would be busting with life.

"That lot'd do anything to lengthen their life, even if only for a few minutes,” Joker said quietly, in an almost humbled tone that Batman had only heard a few times before. "Even those pacifists, if you threatened their life, and they were holding a gun, they'd shoot you with it,” he chuckled suddenly, making Bruce jump slightly, "I've got scars to prove that."

"…We should go Joker,” Batman stated finally, he knew the statement would come at some point, they couldn't sit there in broad daylight and  _talk,_ "I'm taking you to hospital."

Joker rolled his eyes as he lounged lazily against the building, "Not this again… I'm not goin' to the hospital Batsy. I refuse."

Batman let out a deep, growled sigh, "It's not your choice Joker. You are  _ill,_  you  _need_  to go to the hospital."

The madman chuckled anxiously as he took a small step away from Bruce, he eyed the edge of the building tentatively, noting how excessively long any fall would be if the two of them were to fight, and fall. "I'm not going to the hospital."

"Why? Joker, they can make you better."

Joker flailed his arm, as if waving away the comment, "You're dumber than you look if you think that's true, if you think they'll even try."

"Then let me treat you. If you won't let them treat you then let me,” Bruce tried to sound authoritative but he couldn't stop himself from letting out a tone more of pleading.

Joker smiled, "If there comes a time when I'm too weak to escape, then you can do  _whatever_ you want with me. Until that time, you are at  _my_  mercy, as is Gotham…"

Bruce changed his stance, ready to fight, "Joker,” he growled threateningly, "You are coming with me."

"What makes you so sure?" Joker's smile widened as he took another small step back, he balanced himself on the edge of the building, as if threatening to fall backwards, off the building.

"Joker,” Bruce said again, this time meaning it as a warning, he knew what was running through Joker’s mind, but he was unsure of what to say "…Please,” he held out a hand towards the other man.

Joker smiled softly, and reached out to take Bruce's hand. He grasped it firmly, a flash of panic came into the vigilante’s eyes as he felt Joker's centre of gravity shift. Joker pushed himself backwards, using all his strength to make sure he pulled Batman with him, off the building towards the street below.

Bruce stumbled off the building, taken by surprise at both the Joker’s action and his strength. Joker clung to him as they started to fall from the 30-story building, Bruce kept his grip on Joker, as tight as he could, while he tried to find the button on his belt which would expand his cape.

He forced his finger onto the button, hoping they would have enough time to slow down before they hit the floor. The cape expanded over him as they fell, and they quickly started to decrease speed.

Despite slowing, they hit the ground with enough force to drive Bruce to the floor, he pulled himself quickly to his feet, only to see Joker speeding off, running across a nearby road and around a corner.

Batman chased after him, but he rounded the corner and Joker was gone.

He glanced back up at the building from which he had just fallen, and shook his head. Joker, that man, he was… something else…

He made his way back to the Batcave, it was too light to search for Joker, and the streets were starting to become busy.

He fell into bed when he got home, he wasn't sure why he was so tired, he just knew he needed sleep.

Four hours later, he trotted down to the batcave, toast and tea in hand, relatively happy…

Alfred looked over as Bruce walked down the stairs, "Master Bruce, I wasn't aware you were up."

"I'm a fully grown man Alfred, I don't need you watching me every minute of the day," Bruce took a bite of his toast and sat at his desk.

"What are you going to do today sir? I take it you didn't find Joker."

Bruce nodded, "I did, we talked. I got some of his blood on my suit, going to test it for contaminants. I don't know why I didn't think of doing it earlier, my mind's been a little muddled lately."

He grabbed his suit and found the small patch that had Joker’s blood spotted on it, he extracted a small amount and ran the sample through the computer. Now he had an hour to wait for the computer to run the tests.

After eating his toast and drinking his tea he found himself simply sitting and staring at the computer. Alfred continued cleaning around him, occasionally glancing over to see if Bruce had moved his eyes from the screen, the fourth time he looked over and the man had not moved he decided to talk, break the silence.

"Sir," the old man began, "You said you and Joker talked? What did you talk about?"

Bruce finally pulled his eyes from the search bar on screen, placing them on Alfred instead. He took a second, taking a slight breath as he tried to put what they had talked about into words. "Joker was talking about what he thinks of people."

Alfred's mouth twitched into a half smile, "Which is what sir?"

Bruce threw his head back and let out a loud sigh, "It seems… that… he thinks that the human race is hypocritical. He… gave me an insight, into how he thinks. I'm not sure if it was intentional or not but he told me the _truth_."

"The truth? Excuse any offence, but that sounds unlikely," Alfred stopped cleaning to take his place at Bruce's side.

Bruce spun his chair round and stared up at Alfred, his expression hard as stone with seriousness, "He was telling the truth."

He turned the chair back to the computer, "It all seemed so… logical… everything does, for  _some_  reason, something's happened to him… He seems just as crazy, but he's making more sense. I don't understand how, maybe  _I'm_ going crazy or something, but what he's doing makes sense to me."

" _What_ makes sense sir?"

Bruce sighed again, he was so unsure of how to put his thoughts into a  _rational_ sounding sentence. "He thought that sleeping with me would convince me we're the same, this was because he realised that he can't get me to kill, but still wanted me to do something which I thought was bad."

Alfred lifted an eyebrow, "Sir?" he didn't understand.

Batman let out a short growled grunt, "Me doing something bad and liking it equals us being essentially the same. Yes?"

Alfred nodded, he replied "Yes," to show he understood, however partially.

"He realised that getting me angry got me to want sex, so he tried to get me angry, but Tim stopped me from doing anything,” Bruce's talking speed started to increase as all the pieces fell together in his head. "So Joker thought to get rid of Tim so there would be no interruptions, and made the video of him as a way to get me angry, but it didn't work, because  _I_  didn't understand,  _I_ hadn't realised what he was trying to do,  _I_ wasn't acting like  _myself_. He realised that he needed to let me realise what was happening for myself, and pursue  _him,” h_ e smiled briefly, "It makes so much sense."

Alfred shook his head, "No it doesn't sir."

Bruce sighed almost angrily, "Angry equals sex, he attempted it but Tim stopped me. So to Joker getting rid of Tim plus angry me equals sex, equals point proven. But, me not being in the right frame of mind equalled no point proving. So, he waited for me to get into the right frame of mind. That's why he was waiting for me in that shack of his, and he left straight after."

Alfred frowned, "I see sir, I understand the premise, but, sir, it makes no sense, why would he do that? That's against any other motive he's had before."

Bruce turned again to look Alfred in the eye, "Because he's  _dying._ "

"Dying sir?" Alfred asked, confused.

"Yes. He needed to prove this to me before he dies,” Bruce almost smiled, running his fingers through his hair, everything was suddenly so clear to him, "The drugs he was being given. Oh Alfred, Joker knew what was happening to him all along."

"What drugs sir?" Alfred asked, his eyes wide in curiosity and slight confusion, Bruce's brain was making these ludicrous connections almost too fast for Alfred to keep up.

"He was being given experimental drugs at Arkham. The date he started taking the HCP1220, it was the day he had that recording taken, he started talking about a bleeding brain. It's possible, the drug causes certain neuro-pathways to disintegrate, it could be making him ill."

Bruce shook his head, and suddenly started typing furiously, staring up at the computer, completely focused. "Yes look, the side effects caused by the HCP1220, 'Violent nausea, stomach aches… occasional schizophrenia… occasional brain aneurisms,” he shook his head, worried, "If Joker is suffering from an aneurism… He needs to be treated  _now_  or he will die."

.

Batman went out to scout the city as soon as night started to fall, he needed to find Joker. He searched everywhere he could think off, every alley Joker had ever been seen in. But it seemed his old record held true. Joker didn't want Batman to find him, therefore Batman wouldn't find him.

He hung his head as he found himself heading for the roof of the tallest building, the same place he had been thrown from the previous night, he guessed that the only way to find Joker was to do something unexpected, try to throw him off so that he might  _want_  to show himself. Batman didn't normally sit on the gargoyle of the highest building for anything other than scouting, he never sat there for more than ten minutes, and he certainly never stayed out past sunrise, that was why Joker had come to see him the night before.

So once again he sat on the head of a gargoyle, waiting. As before he found himself thinking about the path his life had taken, the years wasted on this useless fight. And as he looked back on it, they did seem wasted, so many people had died. But at the time it had all seemed so meaningful.

Time changes people, and their views, changes everything.

"Few things are constant in time," the Joker chuckled happily, "Death is one of them, and you are one too. For  _me_ anyway…"

"How long have you been there?" asked Bruce, not even turning his head.

Joker shrugged, although he knew Batman couldn't see it, "I knew you'd come back here. You're going to try to get me to go to hospital again?"

Bruce turned to see Joker, he was bleeding again, fresh wounds, "No… What's happened to you?" he made a tiny hand gesture towards Joker’s mauled face.

Joker's eyes flicked upwards and he let out another small chuckle, "Oh it's nothing, just a couple of kids, mucking about."

Bruce huffed lightly, he doubted the truthfulness of that. He frowned slightly, "How did you know what I was thinking?"

"Thinking? You were  _talking_  to yourself. Sounds like you're going crazy Bats. Bat-shit-crazy-Bats!" Joker tilted his head backwards and laughed loudly.

Batman shook his head lightly, "That seems more and more likely each day… I'm starting to think like you… It's almost distressing."

"Oh isn't it just!" Joker smiled widely, "That's just what I was hoping… So, if you've not come up here to take me to hospital then why are you here?"

Batman sighed slightly and hung his head, "I wanted to tell you that I'm sorry."

"For what?" Joker asked, confused.

Bruce stood up, slowly so Joker didn't misinterpret the action, "I'm sorry for not realising sooner."

A smiled slowly appeared on Joker's lips, "I know. By now we'd both be so much more  _sane._ And just think how much sex we could have had in that time _._  20 years and, lets say 3 times a day,  _don't wanna tire you out_ , that'd be," he paused for a mere second, "21840 times. So much sex we've missed out on…"

Batman grunted as Joker took a step towards him, putting him within touching distance, "That's fast maths,” Joker smirked and shrugged as if to say 'Well, I am fantastic.' "But that's not what I meant."

Joker ground his teeth slightly, "You're here to fight or fuck, I'm good with either one. But don't leave me  _hanging…_ "

"I'm sorry for not realising what the doctors were doing to you."

Joker held his hands to his hips, shifting himself closer to Batman, "Do you mean the drugs, the incessant beatings, the," he paused again, thinking of other things Batman may not know of, but coming up with nothing, that bat knew damn near everything, "…harassment."

"Harassment? Beatings? What do you mean?" Batman said, unmoving through discomfort as Joker pressed himself closer, the madman walked his fingers up Bruce's chest, watching them intently.

He smirked slightly, his eyes moved from his fingers to Bruce's eyes, he had such lovely blue eyes, "Oh come now, you can't say you didn't know,” he slid his hand further up, cupping Bruce's chin, "Really?"

Batman remained motionless, he stared at Joker's face, noticing how swollen and how badly cut certain parts of it were, "What did they do to you?"

Joker shrugged again, still making efforts to close the gap between the two of them, like he didn't want to say and was trying to distract himself, but he couldn't help answering the question, "The security guards made a game of it,” he let out a small chuckle, running his hands over Batman's chest in rhythmic circles "I like games."

Batman swallowed, Joker was obviously was reluctant, Bruce needed to do something to coax him into talking, but what? It slowly dawned on him that as he'd talked Joker had started to touch him, would physical contact work? He gently lifted a hand and pressed it to Joker’s hip, "What did they do."

Joker glanced away, "It's been happening for  _years_ , they'd come in at night, pull me out of bed… Not that I was ever actually sleeping. At first, they'd hit me until I started  _laughing_  and whoever was beating me at the time would win. But then I started laughing all the time, so they started hitting me till I  _stopped,_ ” he chuckled again, slightly more nervous now for some reason, "And obviously, that takes quite a while."

Batman lifted his hand to touch Joker’s face, "And what about this? Who did this to you?"

Joker grunted, pressing his face against Batman's welcoming hand, despite the slight tingle pain it caused him, "I told you, just some kids."

"I don't believe you."

Joker took a step backwards, pulling himself from Batman's intoxicatingly lovely touch, "That's because I'm lying."

Batman smiled, he stepped after Joker, following him the few steps, he reached out to touch him again, "Joker. Tell me, I can help."

Joker returned Batman's smile, Bruce was somewhat unnerved by the reflection, the cold and hard expression of Batman on the Joker’s face. " _How_ can you help? You wanna find who did it and beat them up? 'Coz I killed them already Batsy, so that's your job done!"

Bruce's smile dropped, and his face become emotionless again, "You killed them."

"Of course I did! It's what I do!" Joker smiled again, his smile not Batman's, "What did you expect? That in the realisation of my impending death I might suddenly become a  _good_  person? If anything it's done the opposite, I've got to pack a whole lifetime into only a few months."

"You are so…  _infuriating,” Bruce_ said, feeling his face become hot as Joker pulled himself closer, Joker ran his hands up to Bruce's face and ran a finger across Bruce's lips.

" _You are so infuriating_ ,” Joker mimicked, Bruce sighed slightly while he watched Joker, his eyes were flittering across his face, studying it for something, but Bruce wasn't sure what.

Joker hummed happily, " _Titillating_. That's what you are. When I look at you… Things I want to do… That I can only fantasise about…"

Batman frowned slightly, intrigued by Joker’s tone, it didn't seem to be a malicious tone, but it didn't have a sexual tone to it either… "What sort of things?"

"I… No it's _stupid_ ,” Joker smiled in embarrassment as he stared into Batman's eyes, it was genuine embarrassment, as if he thought Batman would think less of him for the idea.

The frown of confusion stayed on Batman's face, "Go on,” he urged Joker gently.

Joker shrugged, pushing himself harder into Batman as he did, Bruce wasn't sure what had brought on this sudden want for physical contact, but he was almost enjoying the fact that they were standing together and not fighting.

"A couple of weeks ago, I had this dream… We were in a field, I think, it was dark, and we had a picnic. I know it sounds stupid, but I've not been able to get it out of my head."

Bruce let out a small smile, "That doesn't sound stupid, it sounds… normal."

Joker shook his head and chuckled lightly, "I know right? But for some reason, I really wish it could happen."

Bruce's smile widened slightly, it was odd to hear Joker talking in such a manner, "As nice as it sounds I think it might be a little odd for us to go on a picnic together."

"I know it won't happen, can't, but the idea… It's become stuck in my head…" he suddenly spoke with an oddly confused voice, like he was almost scared of what he was thinking.

"Joker…" Bruce began, deep in thought, "You know this _idea_  could be as a side effect of what's happening to you."

Joker cocked his head, he seemed to be trying to remember something, "My… My dreams _have_  changed… I don't like that."

Bruce sighed, "Joker, you know if you'd just let me look at you, I could fix this, your dreams would go back to normal."

Joker shook his head, flinching in what seemed like pain, "No, my dreams… I couldn't sleep, they  _haunt_ me. I'm able to sleep now. But I sleep for too long and people find me…"

Batman gestured towards the cuts on Joker’s face, "Is that how this happened? Someone attacked you while you slept?" Joker nodded reluctantly, again he seemed almost embarrassed to admit it. "What did you used to dream about? What could be so bad that it stopped you from being able to sleep?"

Joker shifted uncomfortably, it was as if he wanted to tell Batman everything, but couldn't put it into words, or was worried of what would happen if he  _did_  put it into words. "Nightmares."

"What sort of nightmares?" Batman held Joker lightly in another attempt to comfort him, coax him into talking.

"Darkness, it swallows me, all the light is gone. And then a woman screams and I wake up, panting, sweating…" Joker shook his head, there was an odd pain shadowing his face, "But I've not dreamt it for… almost two months, I feel  _better_ now."

His dreams had changed…? The HCP1220, as well as affecting the prefrontal cortex, as it was designed to, must be affecting the visual region of his brain, which it was not supposed to do. In the recording Bruce had listened to, he remembered Joker had mentioned seeing double. Bruce would need to test Joker's brain, run scans far beyond the ability of the medical equipment in the batcave. He'd need to take him to the hospital.

"Joker, you're ill, you need to come with me, I can help you I know I can." Batman's grip tightened on Joker, Joker suddenly felt surrounded by the vigilante's muscle and vigour, it made him feel so weak, incapacitated.

He tried to back away, "Now now Batsy, I'm an old fashioned sort of a guy, I'm gunna need a couple more dates with you before we progress to  _that_  level… I was thinking something along the lines of splattering a little  _D.N.A evidence_  on the floor here."

Batman's grip still held firm, "Are you telling me that if I sleep with you then you'll come with me?"

Joker shrugged, partly in suggestion, partly in an attempt to release himself from Batman's grip. He lowered his hand, around Batman's waist, cupping his buttock firmly, he'd done it several times before, it had served as an effective way of putting Batman off guard, "Let me fuck that tight little arse of yours and I'll consider it,” he growled in as much of a sexual tone as he could manage.

To his surprise, Batman's grip stayed firm, he hadn't realised that by introducing sex to their 'game' he had neutralised the meaning of any sexually threatening act he might preform. Batman had realised though, and smiled in amusement, "That doesn't sound like a bad idea,” he grumbled in answer to, what he now realised was, an empty threat, they had all been empty threats… essentially jokes.

Batman saw Joker’s reaction to his response, and revelled in it. For a few seconds Joker seemed almost flustered, the affect he had intended for Batman he now felt focus on himself, he didn't like it.

He tried to struggle out of Batman's consuming arms, but couldn't.

"Joker," Batman smiled through gritted teeth, trying to hold on to the smaller man, like soap as he squirmed. For once he was the one in control, not Joker, whose weapons of  _words_  had been disabled, and they both knew that while Joker was unusually strong, he was no match for Batman in this situation. And for once Joker was the one being made to feel uncomfortable in the situation. This odd role reversal was almost nice.

Batman realised he needed to calm the other man down; he'd started to convulse violently in an attempt to get away, he might hurt himself if he continued.

"Joker, calm down…" Bruce said breathily in an attempt at a soothing voice, "I  _need_ you to calm yourself." In any normal situation he would have given Joker some sort of tranquiliser, but under the circumstances he hoped to avoid it, he didn't know what the drugs would do to his now physically fragile mind.

He waited for Joker to slow at his own pace, however he stayed his pace, wiggling in Batman's hands. "Joker,” Batman repeated, "Calm down. I'm not letting go until you calm down."

He still struggled.

"Joker,” Batman said again, using a firmer tone this time.

Joker swore as he felt himself starting to tire. He stopped while he still had strength, letting himself go limp in Batman's arms. He frowned up at the vigilante, "You're an arse, you know that right?"

Batman let out a slightly chuckled grunt.

"You  _do_ have a lovely one though…" Joker smiled, glancing down slightly. Still trying to intimidate him, even though it wouldn't work and he knew it.

"I work out,” Batman smiled in retort.

Joker's smile widened slightly, "I can tell,” he mumbled quietly as he pressed his hands against Batman's chest again.

"You said that if you became too weak to escape from me then you'd do what I wanted. Does that still stand?"

Joker sighed and chewed on his scarlet stained lip absentmindedly, "If I can't get away, then I really have no choice do I… Now that you've  _spoiled_  all my fun…"

Bruce felt his insides warm slightly, a feeling near victory filled him, triumphing over the Joker without having to use any kind of force? He'd never done that before.

"If all goes well then I may even be able to arrange that picnic,” he said, smiling as Joker rolled his eyes. The two said almost nothing else as Batman led Joker down to the batmobile.

.

The pair sat in the batmobile, nothing but silence since the two had fastened their seatbelts. "Wait,” Joker eventually grunted in confusion, as he noticed that the car was going towards the centre of the city, not the outskirts where he knew the batcave to be, roughly. " _Where_ are you taking me?" he asked, sounding almost timid.

"I'm taking you to the hospital,” Batman said, not taking his eyes from the road.

Joker frowned, and then pouted and crossed his arms, "Ohhhh, I thought you were taking me to your cave."

Batman shook his head, "Maybe later, but I need to do some tests, ones I can't do in the batcave."

Joker rolled his eyes, he should have known, "'Kay. Just…" he leant his head against the window, "Just don't let them  _do_  anything to me, I don't wanna die in  _their_ hands, I'm not supposed to die _quite_  yet."

Bruce almost smiled, this was so  _odd,_ Joker had never seemed to care about his death before, now, suddenly, he sounded as if he'd got the whole event planned out.

He thought he might go along with this new train of thought. "Joker,” Bruce glanced over fleetingly, "Where do you want to be buried?"

Joker chuckled, he closed his eyes as his head lulled against the window, "Oh my darling… The way I want to go, there won't be a body to bury."

The vigilante frowned, "What do you mean?"

"You know what I mean." The mad man smiled, eyes still closed, he repositioned himself so he was almost laying against the pane of reinforced glass.

Bruce glanced over again, realising Joker was trying to sleep. "Joker," he mumbled quietly, "We're going to be there in 3 minutes, are you sure you want to sleep?"

Joker nodded slightly, smiling happily, "Uh-huh… I like sleep now…" he shifted again, using his hands as a pillow, he sighed and drifted into a short but deep sleep.

Bruce kept glancing over, checking that Joker was in fact asleep, he was, he had fallen into it so quickly, and as Batman watched he noticed that Joker had fallen almost immediately into REM sleep. He was already dreaming. REM sleep usually took almost 4 hours to attain.

Bruce frowned, whatever was happening to Joker, whatever this drug was doing to him… Bruce had to fix it.

They pulled up to the hospital and Batman turned off the vehicles engine, he leant over to wake Joker, he sat up with a shuddered jolt. "What? The bird! … oh Batman. It's  _you_ ,” Joker chuckled, he seemed startled, Bruce understood how it would be so easy for him to be taken by surprise by a group of random thugs, and beaten up.

"We're here,” Bruce grunted, he wasn't going to point out how startled Joker seemed to be, he didn't want to make him feel any more vulnerable than he was surely feeling now, Bruce knew how quickly Joker could become dangerous if he thought people saw him as weak.

"'Kay,” Joker grunted as he ran his fingers through his hair, stretching sleepily.

"Nice dream?" Bruce smiled slightly through curiosity.

Joker nodded and watched as Batman climbed out of the batmobile and walked round to let his captive out. Again he felt weak as Batman helped him from the car. He tried to ignore the want to make some offensive comment, it wouldn't work and after all, Batman only wanted to help.

"I was talking to a cockatiel, of all things. It was  _weird_."

Batman let out a small chuckle, grasping onto Joker’s arm firmly as he led him up to the hospital, he felt Joker shift uncomfortably in his grip, then slacken. He was holding himself back, for once he _wanted_ to be helped, for a reason Batman didn't know, but he was thankful for none the less.

Joker sniffed harshly, causing Bruce to look over once again, his eyes narrowed in worry, "Joker. You're bleeding." He had a small drop of blood running from his nose, he jerked away, not wanting Batman to see, and wiped his nose on his sleeve.

"Screw off, Batman,” Joker muttered, still looking away, Batman felt the muscles in Joker’s arm tense up, and he adjusted his grip accordingly, not giving him any leeway.

He knew that at the slightest sign that things weren't going well, Joker would bolt, if he could, and Bruce didn't want to have to go through the trouble of finding him again.

Batman pulled the reluctant man through the hospital and located a doctor he knew. As they walked through the halls Joker started to feel uncomfortable, being subjected to the stares of the doctors and patients. Wondering if he were ill, why he wasn't in Arkham, why was he with Batman. All the looks were of confusion, something Joker wasn't exactly used to.

"Why hello,” he smiled widely at a little blond girl who looked up at him, scared, she whimpered and ran back down the hall. Joker laughed as he watched her run, and watched the reactions of all the other people nearby. That was better, the fear in people's eyes…

Interesting how a word so simple as 'hello' could induce such fear in the masses.

"Joker,” Bruce mumbled in a voice designed to say 'be good'.

Bruce pushed open a door that led to a large grey office, the man behind the desk peered up at Batman and smiled, "Batman," the grey haired man said in a gravelly voice.

Oh god… Batman again. Dr Sing was always so nervous around him, whenever that man came to see him it meant certain doom for some small part of his soul. He always became so stressed, inevitably he'd snap at someone; one of his doctors, his wife, his kids. He always regretted letting Batman into his hospital, but what could he do? Batman wanted  _his_ help, him of all people. It gained him a lot of good press.

"Dr. Sing. I need access to your scanners,” Bruce grunted, pulling Joker into the room.

The doctor raised an eyebrow as he looked over at Joker, "Oh? Shouldn't you take him to Arkham? I'm sure their facilities are better suited for him, and their equipment is better." He knew Batman wouldn't accept this, but it was worth a try…

Joker stared at the doctor, narrowing his eyes, 'him' that doctor had called Joker 'him', as if he were nothing.

Bruce let his eyes settle on Joker to observe the slight change in the man's stature, he was becoming more uncertain, Batman needed to hurry the conversation to reduce risk of Joker becoming more skittish. "Arkham isn't the place for him at the moment, their treatments are…" he sighed, "I need someone I can trust, someone who'll let me do the tests I need to without question."

Dr Sing sighed, eyeing Joker with contempt, "Fine. But if  _he_  causes any trouble, then you are both out. I can only allow so much here Batman. After you came here with that Freeze-man 3 of my doctors threatened to leave. I cannot have that happen again."

Batman nodded, "Joker has agreed to cooperate. I promise there will be no trouble."

That was unlikely, Dr Sing realised, he and Batman had talked briefly before about the state of the Joker and his mind, and they had both come to the conclusion that Joker was an unstable and dangerous individual, always  _wanting_  trouble. Batman's sudden change of heart was… strange.

Joker rolled his eyes as Batman talked, he hated being talked about as if he were a dog. "Yeah, right,” he growled through gritted teeth, frowning angrily. The words and expression caused an intense glare from Batman, which in turn caused an odd spark of happiness to ignite in Joker’s stomach, and stopped him from saying anything further.

The doctor nodded bluntly, gesturing towards the door "Second floor, CT scanners. Eight floor, PET scanners. Tenth floor, TSA scanners. Take your pick,” he jabbed a finger violently towards Joker, "but let him out of your sight and I swear he will be out of here before you can even remove the damn IV."

Batman nodded in goodbye and walked out of the room, Joker imitated Batman's nod, like a child, leaning back slightly as Batman tugged him out of the room.

"Ya know Bats…" Joker said, smiling again, "I don't much like that doctor."

"No,” Batman grunted, knowing the tone Joker was using, the slightly excited tone of malice. "I don't like him either, but he just wants to help."

"Wants to help  _you_ ,” Joker pointed out as they walked to the lift and stood inside. "..If I didn't know better I'd think that all that touchy-feely stuff you were doing earlier was a  _show_."

Batman frowned slightly, "What makes you say that?"

Joker smiled happily, turning in Batman's grip to look into his eyes, "The way you were talking to him. Like I was just some  _thing_ , like I was not worth your time. I must say, I'm starting to question your motives." Joker pushed himself again into Bruce's chest, putting on his sweetest 'baby talk' voice, " _I'm starting to think you don't really love me…"_  He smiled and leaned in to press his lips against Bruce's.

Batman pushed Joker backwards, though still didn't let go of his arm, "Joker,” he snapped, "There are  _cameras,_  they can see us."

Joker closed the gap between them again, pawing at the vigilante with his free hand, "Oh, is the big bad bat afraid of people finding out he has a soft side?" He glanced down fleetingly, "'Coz it won't stay soft for long if I have anything to do with it."

He was doing it again, Batman noticed, trying to make him feel uncomfortable, trying to put him off.

Bruce wrapped his arm around Joker, holding him gently, "You of all people know what it's like to have a reputation to uphold, so while we're here, why don't we keep it professional?"

Joker took a small step back and nodded slowly, Bruce could see the cogs working in his brain, he was thinking of how he could use the situation to his advantage. "Ok,” he finally said, talking slowly, calculatingly, "Put on an act for our  _adoring_  public,” he smiled, showing his teeth menacingly, "Sounds fun."

"Glad you agree,” Batman grunted as the lift started to slow.

Joker continued to smile, glaring at Batman with fire in his eyes, "Best make this convincing then,” he whispered as the doors opened.

Batman jolted as he felt Joker contort in his hand and slip from him like steam. Joker twisted himself out of Bruce's grip and leaped from the lift, cackling ecstatically as he ran away.

Batman was after him as soon as he had realised what had happened. He dashed into the grey hall and followed Joker towards the stairwell, but Joker swiftly pulled a wheelchair to the ground, the man it was carrying and the machine attached to him fell too, blocking the corridor. Batman frowned as he could only watch as Joker continued running, howling with goading laughter.

What had just happened? Why had Joker done that? He had  _agreed_ to this, so why would he run off?

Bruce sighed in despair, shaking his head as he heard Dr Sing's voice echo over the hospital speaker system "Batman and all associates must leave the building immediately, or face forced removal."

Dick was surprised to see Bruce walk into the batcave, he had no idea why though, why wouldn't he be there? It was his home.

Although he had hoped to have finished before Bruce returned, maybe only catch him on his way out, hoping to avoid an awkward exchange, but he was only halfway through his work, this Hush imitator was proving to be a tricky bugger to catch.

Tim had offered to help, although there wasn't really much he could do really, Dick wanted to make him feel useful, so he had the young boy running around performing menial tasks, making tea and fetching documents.

"Hey Bruce,” Dick said reluctantly, looking over as the armour clad vigilante strode across the cave floor towards him. He suddenly felt quite flustered, as if he'd been caught somewhere he wasn't supposed to be, "Sorry, I'm just… This Hush guy, I'm still sending stuff over."

Bruce smiled slightly, for some reason he found the diffidence in Dick's voice amusing, "That's ok Dick. I'm not going to deny you access to here just because we had a, uh, disagreement."

Dick huffed quietly, a 'disagreement', was that what it was to him? Dick had never felt so embarrassed in his life, to put his emotions out like that, and just be…  _blocked?_  Shot down so readily.

"I should be done in half an hour or so, then I'll get out of your hair." Dick's gaze shifted back to the computer screen.

"Don't rush yourself, it's fine, I don't mind having you here,” Bruce said tenderly, knowing Dick was upset about how they had left things last time.

Dick rolled his eyes, "You couldn't  _wait_  to get rid of me earlier."

"A lot's happened since then,” Bruce said bluntly.

Bruce watched as Dick's head shifted slightly, he was trying not to look from the screen, "It's only been a day, and you've gone from not wanting to talk to me, to being all chummy with me. What's happened?"

There was a sudden clank of china on metal, making both Bruce and Dick jump, as Tim placed two cups of tea on the console beside them. Bruce hadn't even noticed Tim had been there.

"I bet he's been off gallivanting with Joker again…" Tim stated with acid in his words as he glared up at Bruce angrily.

Bruce frowned, he hated that Tim's opinion of him had been changed so easily, "I am Batman, I do not gallivant."

"But you were with Joker?" Dick chimed, now turning completely from the computer.

"Not for the whole day, but yes."

What was this, an interrogation?

"Have  _fun_  did you?" Tim smiled suggestively, a hint of disgust shone on his face.

"We talked. I tried to take him to the hospital but he ran off. And don't talk to me like that Tim, I've done  _nothing_  wrong."

Tim huffed, sounding unconvinced, as far as he was concerned it was wrong. He had never expected Batman to do such a thing.

"You had sex with the Joker. What about that is  _not_ wrong?"

Bruce's frown deepened, "I do not need to explain myself to you,” he snapped, voice raised.

Dick coughed lightly, "Tim," he said quietly, "I need you to go and get the blue note book labelled 'Marx, man' from my old room."

Tim paused for a second, still locked in a death-stare with Bruce. He exhaled and turned to Dick, smiling again, "Of course Dick, sorry, I'll just be a minute."

He hurried off up the stairs, as if he'd forgotten the whole event, until he got to the last visible step when his eyes flitted back to Bruce, and he shot a short frown down the stairs.

"Bruce,” Dick moaned, "He's a good kid, please, don't be so hard on him. He just doesn't understand."

"You've said that before,” Bruce grumbled.

Dick leant forward, his eyes pleading, he didn't want them to argue, "That's because it's true Bruce. He doesn't understand."

Dick paused for a second, trying to find the right words, "He's not  _the same_  as us."

Bruce's face contorted in confusion, how were they not the same? They were similar in most ways, and their differences complemented each other.

"He's a child,” Bruce thought out loud as it slowly dawned on him.

Dick smiled slightly, "Exactly. There's a whole level of life that we use, which he's hardly even aware of. He doesn't know what any of it means. To him, there's only right and wrong."

Bruce let out a small sigh, he didn't mean to be hard on the boy, it wasn't his fault, he realised now.

Dick smiled again, happy that he'd managed to get through to Bruce, help him understand.

"So," Dick said, turning back to the computer, "Are you going to tell me what happened with Joker? Or are you just going to stand there and stare at me."

.

Bruce had tried his hardest to explain what had happened, but how do you explain something if you aren't sure of the meaning yourself?

During their conversation, as short as it was, there was a lot of confusion passing between them, they found no desirable logic behind Joker’s action.

But of course, Bruce hadn't gone into the finer details, he hadn't mentioned the 'excessive' physical contact between the them – unfortunately for Batman and Joker, anything other than the usual beating was considered excessive – and he hadn't mentioned Joker talking of his dream, of the picnic.

Dick cocked his head, "So what are you going to do? I doubt he'd come to the tall-building again."

Bruce sat on the chair next to Dick, he'd been pacing as he had talked, the chair span slightly as he sat and he ended up facing Dick at a slightly askew angle, Dick gave a small smile and wheeled himself round so he was in Bruce's eye line.

"I don't know,” Bruce said, he bit his lip slightly and sighed as he thought. Dick watched intently and smiled as Bruce started to drift in thinking, he briefly wondered where Bruce's mind went when it lost focus like this.

He was trying to stay focused on what he was supposed to, but he kept drifting back to the night they'd slept together, his touch. He felt that familiar chill run down his spine.

Was it from discomfort or longing? Did he want to feel it again?

…Yes, he did. It pained him to even think it, after what had happened.

He shouldn't be letting himself think like this. He'd managed to stop himself so many times before with Catwoman, and Talia. What was so different about Joker? Why could he not stop his mind from wondering?

He let out an almost undetectable sigh, "I can't think straight…!" Bruce slammed his fist on the nearby console, making Dick jump suddenly. The young man frowned, Bruce had turned so suddenly from complacent to angry, it was a trait he should be used to by now, but still.

"Bruce, what's gotten into you lately, you've been acting so odd."

Bruce held his head in his hands, "I really don't know… since all this started happening… I don't know."

Dick furrowed his brow, "Bruce, has it occurred to you that you may not be over the…" he forced himself to say the word, again scared of Bruce's reaction "rape."

Maybe that was it? With catwoman and Talia  _he_  had been the one to initiate, it hadn't been forced.

No, it couldn't be that. Bruce's mind was stronger than that.

Bruce raised his head from his hands, meeting Nightwing's eyes, "I am over it,” he said in a deep monotone.

"It's just that you've been unfocused, it's common for that sort of thing to happen, after an event like that,” Dick said gingerly.

"I am over it,” Bruce growled gruffly, trying his hardest to keep Dick’s gaze.

He was lying… They both knew it. Dick knew Bruce better than anyone, he could see it in his face. Bruce knew he could.

His eyes briefly slipped from Dick's, and he let out a deep sigh, "Even if I wasn't I don't know how to go about fixing that."

Dick slid himself slightly closer to Batman, he knew Bruce wouldn't admit such a weakness. "You could try counselling again? Alfred said that Jane woman was quite nice."

Batman rolled his eyes, "Can't trust that man with anything can I…?"

He shook his head as he thought back to the online counselling session they had shared. It had seemed fine at first, but as he'd started to open up. He'd started to feel there was something wrong, that it was a bad idea. "I can't talk to her again, we were only talking for an hour or so and she almost guessed who I was."

"You need to talk to someone,” Dick hoisted himself from his chair and walked towards the small kitchen area, "Tea?" he asked, voice suddenly brimming with happiness.

He could see that he was getting nowhere, Bruce was too stubborn of mind to open up, not when last time things had started to go badly. The old phrase 'once bitten twice shy' seemed to be true for Bruce… Always had been.

"No, thank you… You should probably slow down; that's your third cup."

Dick chuckled lightly, "Yeah, I'm kinda getting addicted. I'm not very good, the tea Tim makes though. It's just amazing."

Bruce let himself let out a small smile, though truthfully, he had always been frustrated by such small talk. "Dunno what he does to it."

The younger man nodded, "I wonder where that kid's got to."

"Probably got bored and started playing on his damn phone…" Bruce looked up towards the door to the lift at the top of the stairs, as if talking about him may trigger some odd cosmic event may cause the child to walk in, anything to stupid this conversation centred on tea…

Dick stood in silence for a few seconds as the kettle started to boil, he could tell Bruce was annoyed, though he wasn't sure if it were by the lack of useful conversation or the previous topic.

He decided to say what was on his mind. "Uh,” he finally began, stuttering slightly, "You could talk to  _me."_

Bruce suddenly felt his defences raise, he was trying to be open, he really was. "I… find it hard to believe that'd help."

"It did before though, when you were trying to figure out what to do with Joker." Dick was trying to hide the sense of need in his voice, he'd always felt this  _longing_  to understand. It was one of the reasons he so liked computers, for the understanding they brought, allowing him to gain knowledge. Humans were the same, but more difficult to 'crack'. Batman shared almost everything with Dick, he always had. Everything but emotions, and that had been fine... but Dick hated the thought that Bruce was hiding something that was causing him this amount of distress.

"Which has worked out brilliantly by the way…" Bruce said scathingly.

Dick sighed, "Bruce. It's clear you need someone to talk to, I just thought… Maybe me. Not a stranger, someone you can trust."

Bruce shook his head, "After what happened between us, it may take me some time to be able to trust you properly again."

Dick frowned, Bruce didn't trust him? Didn't trust the boy he'd watched over from the age of 8 who he knew everything about? "What do you mean by that Bruce?"

He'd trusted him before, he'd  _said_ so. How could one small event change all that?

…Although it hadn't been a small event, not to Dick anyway…

All those lost glances. The times he'd felt so alone and would have given anything. When he'd felt so lost, and that one though had been all that'd kept him going.

It had all come to that one  _small_ event. And Batman saw it as a betrayal. A reason to lose trust…

Bruce let an eyebrow jerk upwards slightly, concerned at Nightwing's sudden change of tone, he'd not meant it as an insult, simply stating a fact.

"I can't help how I feel Bruce. I've tried to tell you before, I can't help it,” Dick got to his feet, trying to be rational.

"I…" he sighed, "I love you Bruce. I can't help it. I've tried to ignore it but..." Dick let out a strained chuckle, "It won't fucking stop,” he suddenly leant against the console, scared by his sudden confusion, he clasped his hands to his head, digging his nails into his scalp.

Bruce stared down at the younger man, utterly confused.

"Dick,” Bruce said sternly, as if talking to a misbehaving child. What was this? Some childish tantrum?

"No Bruce,” Dick snapped, he got to his feet again, and moved in front of Bruce, "I know it can't happen, would never happen, but it's true!"

He grabbed the arms of the chair gently, it made Bruce feel a little trapped, Bruce knew he could get out of the situation, but he didn't want to hurt Dick unless it was necessary.

"All I have wanted to do since I was 13 is kiss you. It finally happens, and you kiss me back! Then you act like it was the worst decision of your fucking life. But tell me Bruce," his voice dropped to almost a whisper, a horrible smile twisted on his face "Is kissing your adopted son any worse than having sex with a man who's killed hundreds? 'Coz you've done that, twice already." The smile vanished immediately, he'd said it out of anger, he didn't mean it.

Bruce could feel red-hot anger start to fill him, but still he sat still in his chair, he knew Nightwing needed to let his feelings out.

"What's wrong with me Bruce?" Dick whispered, he knew it wasn't showing but he felt like he was holding back tears, "Why him and not me?" he gritted his teeth, "Why not me?"

Bruce sat in silence for a second, trying to calm himself, "I love you as a son, only ever as a son,” he spoke slowly, calmly.

Bruce's tone sparked an angry shiver to course down Dick's spine. "And you love him in some other way?" Dick spat out the words, the heat of this odd anger causing him to sweat.

Bruce sat in silence, then glanced away, he honestly didn't know what he felt for Joker, whatever it was it was different to what he had felt before. It wasn't 'love', was it? In some twisted way… Maybe? "I don't know anymore."

Dick frowned, the anger inside him slowly eased as it mingled with confusion, "So you'd pick a murderer who you don't even have feelings for, over me?"

Bruce tried to smile, he needed to calm Dick down as well as himself, "Dick, that's not what I meant."

Dick sighed. He felt odd, there was a horrible crushing freedom on him, he was happy he'd said what he had, but he knew how Bruce would interpret it, what he'd said would have only negative consequences… It wouldn't make Bruce anymore open towards him, or accepting of the situation between them. He shouldn't say anymore. He should stop this from progressing into a full-blown argument.

He let his frown soften as he forced his anger to dissipate "Then what  _do_ you mean? I feel like I don't know you anymore."

That was true, he'd left Wayne manor 9 years ago to try to make a life of his own, and left Gotham altogether 3 years ago, he'd returned four months ago to find everything had changed. He hardly recognised Gotham's skyline anymore. Tim was growing up so fast, and Bruce was so different now… The only person who hadn't changed was Alfred.

"Do you want to come out with me tonight? On patrol? You say Batman's the real me, maybe we can get reacquainted?" Bruce's almost-smile finally broke through as Dick suddenly moved away, Bruce was hoping the words had the desired effect of dispelling the anger.

Dick ran his fingers through his hair, chuckling lightly "Alright Bruce, let's go and save the world rather than face our problems."

Bruce slowly got to his feet, he felt too insecure sitting. "It's probably the best way to deal with your problems, work out some anger on some criminals who deserve it, then we can sit down and talk properly."

Bruce always seemed so dense in situations like this, his stupid inability to work through his feelings. He inviting Dick out was most likely the closest they would ever get to really talking. Dick could tell that Bruce's confidence in him had been shaken a little by their last encounter … He may as well go along with it, it might even bring things back to normal. He so regretted saying what he just had.

Dick let himself smile, "Alright Bruce… Half nine? Like old times?"

Bruce nodded, trying his hardest to keep his smile, even though he had a rather strong urge to punch Dick in the face…

The sheer insolence in the younger man's voice, he spoke as if Bruce had some choice in what he felt. Dick had no choice, he'd made that perfectly clear, so why would he think that Bruce did?

Dick turned back to the computer, back to his Hush case. Trying to return the mood to the calm, safe, one it had previously been, "I really need that book… Where  _has_ that boy gone…?"

"I'll go find him,” Bruce said immediately, turning to head up the stairs to the lift, he wanted to be away from Dick… He knew it was a good idea to go out tonight, but he just needed to sort his head out.

What Dick had said... it had made him so angry, not just from the tone. He wasn't sure why, there wasn't any truth to it was there?

He called for Alfred to ask if he had seen Tim. The old man walked in, he looked a little concerned, "Sir, I was about to come down and tell you, young master Tim had an emergency call and had to leave, he didn't say why exactly, but he said it was important."

"Oh. Will he be back later?" Bruce walked past Alfred and made his way up the first couple of steps towards Dick's room.

"He said he should be, but he'll call if he is unable to. I just hope it's nothing serious."

Bruce nodded, making his way further up the stairs, he came to the door at the top of the stairs and pushed it open. He was careful as he walked through the powder blue room, he didn't want to upset any of Dick's personal belongings. The bookcase was on the opposite side of the room, next to the bed. It was stacked with old books, half of which Dick had never read. The one he needed was on the top shelf, surrounded by the stuffed animals that Dick had been fascinated by in his childhood.

Bruce hadn't seen it coming, all this, it was so complicated, what the hell did Dick find so alluring about Batman?

It occurred to Bruce how similar this was to Tim's thinking about Joker. That he would not be able to understand Dick's infatuation with him, just as Tim would not be able to understand the situation between Batman and Joker.

And it suddenly dawned on him how Dick was able to understand: he felt the same odd 'forbidden love' for Batman as Batman did for Joker.

Bruce made his way back, with the large hardback notebook, down the stairs to the Batcave.

The main difference between the two situations was that whatever Batman's feelings for Joker were, they seemed to be, in some twisted way, reciprocated. Bruce felt nothing of the same level of affection for Dick, he loved him as a son, Bruce couldn't think of him in any other way.

However, the thought had entered his mind once or twice.

And the kiss they had shared had been…

Bruce shook his head in disgust as he entered the cave.

He couldn't think that way.

He'd watched over Dick since he was 8, known him through all he'd suffered, helped him all he could. To Bruce he was still that boy who had stood next to him on the edge of the tall-building, scaring him half to death by twirling over the edge, then flipping back, laughing at Batman's discomfort.

"Dick,” he said, smiling, as he descended, "I've got your book. Tim's had to go home."

Dick glanced round, "Brilliant," He grasped the book as if it were the most precious thing he owned, "Thank you."

He pulled the pages open and made a small attempt to hide the contents from Bruce, although, of course, the vigilante saw it.

It was almost as if Dick had wanted him to see, to compliment his work.

"Didn't know you were the type for scrap books."

Dick rolled his eyes, "Of course I am. These criminals? I study their profiles, whenever I'm not on the street fighting them, I'm studying or watching them on the news. I take this as seriously as you do Bruce. This," he held up the book, "Contains everything I need to know about them."

"You really do your homework,” Bruce smiled, kind of proud of the younger man.

Dick nodded, "I learned from the best!"

"Who do you have in there?"

Dick flicked through the book, "Joker's got 31 pages, Two face:20, Penguin:15, Croc:8, Clayface:11, Hush:9, Ventriloquist, Scarecrow, Hatter have 14 each. I've got psychological and physical profiles on pretty much everyone."

Batman suddenly found himself unable to take his eyes from the book, "Physical profiles?"

The young man shrugged, "Yeah: build, speed, fighting style, any registered weaknesses – if they've broken any bones, I thought that might be useful to define weak points."

Batman's gaze was still on the book, "May I see?"

"Wanna read about the Joker?" Dick said, smirking, unimpressed, "It's nothing you don't already know."

Bruce nodded, "Yes, but… Maybe seeing it written in a new format will help my understanding."

Bruce reached out a hand to take to book, Dick seemed to cower holding it, holding it further from Batman, protecting it with his hands. Dick shook his head.

Bruce frowned and retracted his hand, "Why not?" The corner of his mouth curled into a half-smile, "Hiding things from me?"

Dick could feel anger rising in himself again, it was as if Bruce said this sort of thing on purpose, as if he were trying to provoke him or something. Make fun of him for not being able to hide his emotions.

"I'd not hide anything from you Bruce, I'd hate you to think I didn't trust you,” Dick said coldly, a smirk still on his face.

He reluctantly held out the book.

"Dick…" Bruce said, sounding a little concerned, "It was a joke, if you don't want to let me see, you don't have to."

Dick still kept the book raised, thrust toward Batman, he, however, did not look towards the vigilante. He needed to show Bruce how much he truly did trust him. Maybe if he could show him this, then Bruce would trust him in return.

Bruce took it gently and opened it with care, he didn't want to be disrespectful, he could tell this meant a lot to Dick.

Dick looked up for a second as the older man took the book, then he turned back to the computer.

Batman looked through the pages, pictures cut out of magazines and newspapers of various villains, followed by numbered paragraphs, written in progressively neat and ordered script. Obviously he had started writing very early on in his career as Robin, Bruce would guess at about the age of 10.

18 years of work in this.

As he flicked through the pages, he could see why Dick didn't want to share it. He had written a short paragraph under each picture, his initial impression, of each villain. Under Two-face was written ' _weirdo obsessed with coins and doubles, shame, he used to be nice.'_ The comments almost made Bruce laugh, the innocence in the words was endearing. He repressed the wide smile that threatened his lips, if he let it out he was sure Dick would take it as an insult, or think he was being condescending.

He found the section on Joker and read the text under the picture ' _Be careful, he's a nut!'_ Bruce let out a small laugh, he couldn't stop himself, Dick looked over at Bruce again, "True…" Bruce muttered to himself.

"What is?" Dick asked, turning back to the computer again.

Bruce smiled and shook his head weakly, "Just… You…"

.

"What do you mean 'just me'?" Dick scowled lightly, he was sure Bruce was making fun of him, but he wasn't sure why.

He gazed up at Bruce from his chair, waiting for a response.

"I mean…" Bruce tried to explain, "Do you remember when you were young, the first time you met Kid Flash?" Bruce's eyes had glazed over slightly as he thought back.

Dick felt himself blush, he had been so nervous about meeting the other superheroes, everything had been going well, until Batman had been called by Aquaman. Batman left the 10-year-old Robin in the temporary care of the only other person in the room, Kid Flash.

He had put up a fight at first, saying that as he was only 12 he wasn't 'qualified', and that being asked to babysit was as bad as being told to sit at the kiddy table at a party.

Truth was he just didn't want to spend time with the child version of Batman, too depressing for him.

" _It's only for a couple of minutes, you'll like him, he's a funny kid,"_ Batman had nudged the young boy between the shoulders, pushing him forward gently.

" _Go on, don't be shy_ ,” he'd growled, trying to sound supportive, without losing his intimidating 'Batman'-vibe, a hard task. Dick had looked up at him with and adorable expression that seemed to say 'Daddy don't leave me on my own.'

That was what Bruce remembered most.

But Batman had pushed him again. Kid Flash had looked at him as if he expected him to do something, Robin could tell this. So he cautiously told a joke, and Kid Flash had laughed.

Batman had returned a few minutes later, and found the ginger boy almost on the floor laughing. He'd tousled Robin’s hair as he bid him a temporary goodbye. He'd stumbled out the room, still laughing.

Batman had smirked down at the young boy as he'd squeaked " _I like him, he's a nut."_

Bruce pointed down at the book, "It's just such a Robin thing to say… Reminds me of when you were a child."

Dick sighed deeply and nodded slowly, he grunted in agreement, "K."

He looked up swiftly, "I was thinking, about Joker. Maybe we should go and talk to his doctor. He was with him for over 9 months, maybe he told him something we could use. Or maybe Joker left something with him, you know what he's like for doing that."

Bruce nodded and sighed lightly, he was happy for the change of subject but he felt that some things were still unsaid. He'd swerve the conversation back towards it later…

He nodded again, more bluntly, as if he'd decided something. It did seem the most logical thing to do seeing as he couldn't find Joker, or his motives, by himself.

"Find his room number and hack his surveillance."

Dick turned back to the computer… he was starting to feel dizzy from all this chair spinning…

He smirked, "At least give me something hard to do…"

Bruce gave a huffed chuckle, "I'm going to go upstairs and have a shower before we go."

Dick happily grunted another 'k'. He was ecstatic to be getting back to the computer, something he knew, rather than wallowing in the tangled mess that was his love life.

Bruce ascended the stairs, starting to smile as he heard Dick start to talk to the computer as he hacked the system "Come on baby, let me see that lovely green…"

He turned up the hot water, steam flowed from the showerhead, he let out a strangled gasp as he stepped into the stream.

Why was he still doing this…? Why did he still feel the need to hurt himself like this…?

Maybe Dick was right, and he wasn't over the rape.

Bruce sighed, looking down at his scolded body, Dick was right.

"Fuck's sake…" he whispered to himself, he screwed his face up as he thought, feeling the hot water rush over his body, searing his skin slightly.

He didn't understand it, he had tried to but the incident out of his mind he really had. But it was stuck there by the realisation that he had liked it. He had liked being raped by Joker, having sex with him. It turned him on, even if he tried to think only of the bad aspects. How corrupt it made him feel, how depraved it was. How ashamed he felt.

No matter how much he focused, the thought of the Joker touching him wriggled back into his mind and stayed there, infecting all his thoughts.

He had hoped it would go away once he had given in to Joker willingly, taken away the essence of 'taboo' as Jane had suggested, but it hadn't, it had only made it worse. It had allowed him to think it was ok to think in that way, and now it was all he could think of.

He threw his fist into the shower wall, the white tile was left slightly cracked. He let out an angered grunt and forced his head against the wall in an ill-thought attempt to rid his mind of these thoughts.

He wished he could sleep. He wished he could sleep and  _not_ dream. Just have a few moments of non-thought.

He loved the feeling, the lust he felt. He wished he didn't. He wished he could get away from it for just one measly second.

He rubbed soap over his body, buffing the lather into his skin, he squinted in pain slightly as the froth slid its way into the scrapes on his skin, and into the cuts he had just created on his knuckles.

Bruce  _really_ wished that he could escape into his work, but his work now consisted of Joker… Every time he tried to focus on the job at hand that blasted feeling at the back of his head re-awoke.

The hot water rushed over him again as he moved back into the stream over him, making the soap dissipate from him.

He needed Dick, for the time being, to help force his thoughts out of the lewd area they kept finding themselves in. If he could keep focused on Dick, and keep Dick focused on Joker, and keep pulling him back to his work, then maybe he could get through it.

But of course, for that to work Bruce would have to make sure that Dick kept his own thoughts from the subject of sex, although the boy's mind seemed to keep flitting back to it.

He shut the water off and stepped out of the shower, he pulled one of the clean, white towels from the rack on the opposite wall and wrapped it around his waist.

He picked up another and ruffled it through his sopping wet hair, sighing as he did so. Did his life really need to be this confusing, couldn't it be like the old days when he'd just find Joker, beat him up, and put him in Arkham.

He was starting to miss that stupid, repetitive cycle…

Pulling on his dressing gown as he walked out the bathroom, greeted by the lovely sting of cold air, his mind darted to the inevitable question his mind was asking, behind all this sexual urge; was Joker really going to die?

Their relationship had obviously progressed from the circle of repetition, onto this touchy-feely-sex level, after this would there be nothing?

And if Joker wasn't dying, where would they go from here?

Batman would never be able to continue with Joker’s constant games if he couldn't concentrate on them. And there was no way he could continue in the manor he was at the moment.

Maybe it would be better if Joker died…

Maybe he shouldn't bother going to talk to the doctor. Maybe he shouldn't bother trying to help him.

Maybe he should just let him die.

Bruce trotted down to the batcave, ready to tell Dick that he thought it would be best to take a step back from this.

Dick was already dressed, the black and blue costume designed and made by him, he'd slicked his hair back so it wouldn't get in his face. He was laughing to himself as he did backflips of boredom, he threw one of Batman's batarangs at the plastic dummy on the opposite side of the room, the one Bruce brought in for target practice when Dick was still Robin.

"Take that bad guy!" he yelled gleefully as he threw another two, one lodged itself in the dummy's shoulder, the other ricocheted into the wall.

The younger man's eyes jumped open when he noticed that Bruce had appeared at the bottom of the stairs.

"Oh, uh," he chuckled, he moved his hand to push back a strand of hair that had misplaced itself, "…I forgot how much fun it was waiting for you… Now get dressed, let's go!"

Much to Dick's surprise, Bruce didn't move, "Dick,” he said firmly, "I think it might be a good idea to just let this play out by itself. We'll just… clean up, once it's over."

Dick frowned, placing the left over batarangs back on the surface he'd taken them from, "What? Are you saying we're just going to leave Joker out there? Dying?"

Bruce nodded forcefully, as if he'd made up his mind, Dick had no say in this, Bruce was just informing him of what was happening.

"We can't do that!" Dick protested.

"Yes we can."

"Bruce," the other man whined, "You. can't. do. that."

Bruce narrowed his eyes, intrigued by Dick's tone, "Why not?"

Dick took a step forward, he seemed almost threatening "Because it's not right."

"It's the best thing to do,” Bruce growled.

Dick huffed and smiled, "You wouldn't be able to live with yourself if you let him die, knowing that you could have done something to stop it."

"The world will be better without him."

"It's not like you to just give up like this, how is this different to any other of the times he's escaped from Arkham?"

Bruce looked away, he didn't want Dick to know the fight that was raging in his head.

But it seemed he knew anyway, he let out a deep sigh as he ran his fingers through his hair, he spoke slowly and calmly as he tried to change Bruce's mind, "Bruce, you said that he seems to have changed because of this drug. Maybe now he'll want to get better. You can't deny him the right, just because  _you're_ fucked in the head. You know it's not the right thing to do."

Bruce felt his chest deflate. "It's still the best thing to do."

Dick chuckled, his talking pace suddenly sped up, "It's not the best thing to do, but it's the  _right_ thing to do. Imagine if Joker does get better, with his genius he might end up discovering the cure for cancer or something. Maybe if he  _got_ better he'd become  _someone_  better. He might even decide he wants to join us!"

Bruce rolled his eyes, Dick had gone a little too far with that…

"Come on!" Dick smiled, gesturing restlessly, "Come with me and talk to the doctor, if we don't find anything new,  _then_ you can give up. But you'll have to help me with this Hush guy."

Bruce sighed, defeated, "Fine."

Dick smiled widely and gave a tiny bow, he felt as if he'd won a massive game of chess. Though of course, if Bruce had  _really_ not wanted to go then there would have been no way to persuade him.

Dick was a chipper little bugger, that much Bruce was certain of. He wasn't sure why Dick was being so persistent, but as Bruce's judgement was so  _obviously_  impaired he would have to trust him…

Maybe Dick had some insight that Bruce didn't or couldn't have due to his current state of un-focus.

He shook his head lightly, feeling a little manipulated by his protégé, and walked over to where his suit was, he opened the case and removed his cowl from its case and pulled it on.

Dick glanced over, smirking, as Bruce dropped his dressing gown, starting to pull on his armour. Bruce shot a glare at the younger man, who had just made a noise which sounded like an almost-horny chuckle.

Dick held his hands up, as if begging for forgiveness, he looked away, "Sorry, I'll stop. Hurry up or I'll batarang your face,” Bruce wasn't entirely sure if he were joking or not, until he grabbed one of the disks from the table and threw it violently at the already decimated dummy.

He wasn't joking…

Bruce got dressed quickly, he could imagine the sort of lust that must be filling Dick's head, he should have taken his suit upstairs with him, got dressed in the bathroom. He hadn't been thinking.

Clasping on the final piece of armour; his gloves, he turned to talk to the young vigilante, Dick had his back turned to him, his frame had tensed. "Shall we go then?" Batman growled, he wasn't really asking, but he could think of no other way to get the other man's attention without referring to the fact that he was no longer naked.

"This'll be brilliant,” Dick said, turning and smiling towards Batman, "I've missed going out with you."

The two men strode noiselessly to the batmobile, and set off towards Arkham.

.

The two sat in the batmobile, Dick ran his finger along the upholsteries stitching, it was years since he'd been in this car, it looked the same. He was frowning to himself, "Joker said he was mistreated at Arkham, I wonder if that was true."

"I'm pretty sure he was telling the truth. And anyway, how would we know?"

"We could watch the surveillance tapes? If Dr Mahogany's story doesn't check out."

Bruce's eyes widened slightly, of course, they kept round the clock surveillance on the higher risk patients. They'd be able to see what Joker was like on the HCP1220, to actually see any other affects the drug may be having on Joker.

"I didn't think of that..,” he said swiftly, he seemed almost ashamed that he'd not thought of something so obvious. Dick rolled his eyes, how could Batman not have thought of that?

That damn man was all over the place now a'days, Dick was worried, he really did need to tell someone what was really going on, it wasn't good to keep him emotions bottled up all the time.

They quickly arrived at the asylum, they decided it would be better to go in through the window to Mahogany's office, if they went in through the front it would be easy for the doctor to see them coming, and maybe hide whatever evidence he may have.

Dr. Mahogany sat at his small desk, he was watching something on the TV, it was immediately obvious he was watching the Joker’s security tapes.

The two men sat patiently to watch, it might save them having to take the tapes later.

The doctor started with the newest tapes and worked his way backwards in time. The scene would change occasionally as Joker was moved from cell to cell, from solitary confinement, to regular, to maximum security, back to solitary, or at least that seemed to be the pattern. Joker would, at first, pace the room, talking to himself, though they couldn't tell what he was saying as the audio was too quiet, and it was hard to read Joker's lips, but he seemed to repeat the word 'Moggy' a lot, eventually he would lay down and go to sleep, nothing else would happen.

Dick was starting to grow bored, around 5 months' worth of tapes back he voiced his complaints "Bruce, he was obviously lying, nothing's happened." Batman ignored him, and continued watching. He was sure Joker hadn't been lying.

But, about 8 months back it became apparent that Joker  _was_ telling the truth, Bruce and Dick sat in disgust as they watched footage of the white concrete, sometimes padded, cell. From that point, each night or two that Mahogany cycled through, Joker would lie on his bed, doped up on overdoses of sedatives and anti-psychotics, and a small amount of guards would file in.

In most of the videos Joker was unconscious, in the few he was awake, Joker, in his typical fashion, would put up as much of a fight as he could, hurling insults and telling jokes. But they would always over power him, beating him and worse, as Joker had delicately put it 'harassment'.

Bruce felt physically sick watching it, and uncontrollably angry, seeing Joker being treated  _like that_ , how they even dared to touch him in such a derogatory manor, as if he were just some toy, a thing to be used and forgotten.

Watching it he began to understand why Joker had disliked the way Dr. Sing had talked to him. It had reminded him of these nights.

"Why did they stop?" Bruce mumbled to himself.

Dick shrugged, "Maybe they were found out?"

"When did they last change his doctor?" It seemed possible that the new doctor may have found out and told the Warden.

"…About nine months ago. The same time they stopped,” Dick started to smile as he realised the same thing. "When Dr Mahogany was posted to him."

Batman nodded, now was time to announce himself. He slid through the open window, followed by Dick, and the two stood behind the young doctor.

"You are Dr. Mahogany?" Batman growled down at the young blonde haired man, not at all phased by the man's immediate surprise.

"I-I'm Dr. Mahogany. What do you want?" The young man stuttered, rendered almost speechless by the armour-clad figures in front of him.

Batman narrowed his eyes, this man was far too young to be Joker's lead doctor, he looked even younger than Nightwing.

"You're Joker's doctor? But you're only an intern."

Dr. Mahogany nodded, chuckling nervously, far too scared to say anything but truth, "Yeah, Sharp does that." Batman cocked his head slightly in confusion, the doctor continued, "He picks an intern at random to be Joker's doctor, and sees how long they last."

"He won't make any progress that way."

Dr. Mahogany rolled his eyes, "They gave up on Joker years ago, they leave him to the mob now, poor guy."

"So you knew what was happening to him?"

The doctor sighed, shaking his head slightly in anguish, "I found them doing it. They had him strung up like a  _fucking_  puppet. Making him  _dance_. It was… disgusting…" his face suddenly filled with a silent anger, "I said if they dared do it again I wouldn't give him his drugs, and wouldn't punish him for anything he did to them."

Batman narrowed his eyes; that was certainly not usual procedure, "Why didn't you go to Warden Sharp?"

Dr. Mahogany scoffed, "Sharp doesn't care. I mean; he doesn't like it with the run of the mill crazies; the schizophrenics and such. But the ones who are crazy  _and_ have murdered, he just lets it happen. Joker and Zsaasz being the favourites for… that kind of activity, they keep those two so doped up they don't even know what's happening."

"They stopped attacking Joker though. Because of your threat?"

The doctor shook his head, "When we started giving him the HCP1220 he became more docile, stable, he didn't need the drugs, he's actually quite a pleasant man, I think so anyway."

Batman furrowed his brow, "Joker could hardly keep awake when you did the Rorschach tests, how were you able to tell…?"

The doctor suddenly looked confused, "The Rorschach tests?" How did Batman know about that? "He was untethered, Sharp told us to give him a double dose, just in case. I didn't want to… what it did to the poor guy,” he shook his head, he seemed genuinely ashamed of himself for what he'd had to do.

Batman's frown deepened, it unnerved him that they gave patients double doses of experimental drugs.

Dr. Mahogany continued, "We'd reduced the amount within the first week and I was amazed with the result, he became so much more rational."

"You mean he talked normally with you?" Batman said, unable to hide the curiosity in his voice.

Dr. Mahogany nodded, "He talked about you a lot, as expected."

"How?" Again, Batman was unable to hide his curiosity.

The doctor shrugged, smiling slightly, "He's obsessed with you, completely and utterly, more than Harley Quinn is obsessed with him."

Bruce felt a small flush of heat come over him; he was flattered that Joker was  _that_  obsessed with him.

"What did he say?"

The doctor furrowed his brow in thinking, "He said he was formulating a plan to make you understand. He wouldn't tell us what he wanted you to understand, just that we'd like the ramifications."

Batman almost smiled, Joker had known what the drug was doing to him, even while locked in Arkham, he understood the weight that would be lifted from the world when he left it. If he left it.

Nightwing opened his mouth to speak, "Did you know the Joker's dying, Dr. Mahogany?" The sentence pulled Bruce from the almost-calm state he'd been in. He'd wanted to at least ease into the question.

Dr Mahogany obviously did not know, his jaw dropped and his whole manor changed, he slouched slightly and held his hand to his face, he stuttered as he asked what had happened.

Batman couldn't help feeling bad seeing the doctors reaction, he hadn't expected it. "The HCP1220. It's done something to him, I need to scan him to find out what, but I need to catch him to do that…"

The doctor still seemed bemused, "B-But, we checked him, we scanned him every fortnight, he was fine."

Nightwing spoke again, he shook his head, "Well obviously you missed something, Do you know where he might have gone?"

The doctor smiled and let out and amused chuckle, "Ah, yes, I do have an idea,” he gestured toward the TV, "That's what I was doing. Looking at our conversations. I thought I might find something."

"He was talking to you." Nightwing said as he realised that 'Moggy' must be Joker’s nickname for Dr Mahogany.

The doctor nodded, "Yes, over the intercom."

"I'll need any recordings you have of the conversations,” Batman growled deeply, he'd hardly moved since the conversation began.

The doctor nodded again, but held up a finger to pause Batman, "Yeah, but … look, I found this,” he pushed a button on the remote that lay on his soft wood desk, it caused the video to skip back.

Batman switched his gaze from the doctor to the TV as the video began to play.

Joker was laying in his cot, legs dangling lazily over the edge, feet twitching rhythmically, " _You know what Moggy?"_ he said, obviously bored.

There was a metallic click as the intercom was turned on,  _"What?"_ and another as it turned off.

Joker smiled when he heard the doctor respond, " _When I get out of here, and I will mind you, the first place I'm going to go to is that little coffee shop outside of Haverbrooke house. That place had the best doughnuts, and the guy who works there is blind, so I can talk to him normally, 'coz he doesn't know I'm_ me _."_

The intercom clicked on again, Joker's smile grew wider as the doctor talked to him, " _You don't have to go to some blind man to talk normally. You could talk to me.-"_

The doctor paused the video, "That was the only time he talked about anyone other than you, or his fellow villains."

Batman grunted, "I'll still need the tapes."

Dr Mahogany seemed reluctant to give the vigilante the recordings, he wasn't really allowed to even talk to him, Sharp said it was bad luck.

Mahogany wasn't sure why, but Sharp really didn't like Batman. Batman was only trying to help right? Wasn't any help good?

Doctor Mahogany would give the tapes to Batman. He was sure it was the right thing.

If Joker really was dying then Doctor Mahogany wanted to help as much as he could, even if that meant helping Batman, and risking his job.

He had built up quite a good relationship with Joker in the months that followed the conversation on that tape. He had tried to refrain from talking about the man's past; he became oddly jumpy when his past was mentioned.

The doctor had poured into Joker, all his frustrations and problems; that nurse he liked, that the plumbing in his apartment wasn't working. And eventually Joker had started talking to him, actually telling him how he felt about what had happened.

Joker was a bubbling ball of laughter created by hate and anger and pain.

And Dr Mahogany really liked talking to him; he had such odd opinions, a view on life that he'd never seen before.

He was never good at talking to Joker face to face, the man's skin creeped him out… and his eyes, they were so deep and filled with complex thoughts, it was almost scary.

But over the intercom all he could hear was Joker’s voice, and even that was slightly distorted through the machine. It was easier talking to him like that.

Doctor Mahogany ejected the digital tape and handed it to Batman.

Batman took the tape and thanked him, he knew it would have ramifications for the young doctor, "I'll copy them," Batman said in an attempt to reassure him, "I'll return the originals tomorrow."

The doctor smiled, "If there's anything else I can do to help. Please, don't hesitate."

Batman nodded again, and turned to leave. It was nice that this doctor was willing to help, although why he wanted to help was beyond Batman's understanding.

He and Nightwing bid the doctor goodbye and dropped gracefully from the window.

Bruce was suspicious of the doctor, he had the overwhelming feeling that he was going to end up causing harm, in some way, he wasn't sure how. He would lean towards thinking that the doctor was going to tell Sharp, but Sharp could do nothing at this point, Batman wouldn't need to return to Arkham again.

"Fancy a cup of coffee?" Nightwing smirked as the two walked towards the batmobile.

"Cup of tea,” Batman said back, "My treat."

Batman pulled open the car door, Nightwing smiled up at him "It'll have to be, you know I'm broke."

They sped to the coffee shop, it was ridiculously close to Arkham, it would only have taken 10 minutes to walk there. It was as if Joker was taunting them by making it his regular place, like a secret joke for himself.

They walked into the almost empty coffee shop. It was a tiny place, with only 3 tables and a small serving counter. The only person there was a 50-year-old looking man, he was wearing blacked out glasses. The man smiled lightly as he heard the door swing open, "Can I get you two anything?" he said gently. Obviously he'd noted the number of footsteps he'd heard.

"Two cups of tea to go,” Batman said in a voice which wasn't his Batman voice, nor was it Bruce Wayne's. He pulled a few coins out of one of his belt pockets and put them on the counter. There was a small circle painted on the wood with a label saying 'Place coins here'.

Nightwing smiled, he didn't realise Batman carried money.

The blind man nodded, he fumbled with the change, putting it in the register, and then turned to make the drinks.

He manoeuvred around the kitchen as if he could see it clear as day, he must have the whole shop mapped in his head.

"Sir,” Batman began, still using that odd voice, "We were wondering if a man had come in here, a friend of ours. He comes in here a lot, he has an odd voice, weird sense of humour."

The old man chuckled slightly, "You mean Joker?" Batman looked up, confused, the man behind the counter continued on as if it were nothing.

"Wha- You knew it was Joker?" Nightwing said, mouth hanging open.

"Oh of course, dumbass didn't think to disguise his voice. He was in here about ten minutes ago, ordered his usual, then a couple of other men came in, they had a bit of a spat, I had to ask them to leave. Can't have them mucking up the place can I?"

"Do you know where they went?" Batman asked, he started to make his way back towards the door, if he was close then he didn't want to risk losing him.

"They went down to The Alleyway I think,” the coffee shop owner said as he placed the two cups of tea on the counter.

Nightwing picked up the cups of tea and strode after Batman, "Thank you sir,” he said politely as he pulled the door shut.

Batman sprinted towards The Alleyway; the road that led directly to Arkham. He could hear shouting and muffled laughter.

He sped up and turned the corner.

He felt himself fill with anger. Joker was lying on the floor, blood pouring from him. Three men were standing round him, forcing their feet down on him. Each time they kicked him he'd give a slight gravelly chuckle, and flinch away.

Batman strode towards them, "Step away,” he growled through gritted teeth. The three men Jumped backwards, and went to run away. In one swift kick Batman knocked the three men to the ground.

He knelt at Joker’s side as Nightwing checked the three now unconscious men.

Bruce felt for Joker’s pulse, it was there, but weak. His nose had been re-broken, and cuts and bruises were spread over his face.

Nightwing stepped away from the attackers, and took his place by Batman's side. He let out a small chuckle "He looks like the guy on the wet floor sign… Those three are ok. Is Joker?"

"He's alive,” Batman felt his voice strain slightly as he spoke. "We need to get him to hospital."

Batman got to his feet, scooping Joker up, holding him like a baby. He listened to his breath for a second, it sounded like he had some fluid in his lungs, probably a punctured lung.

"Arkham?" Nightwing asked; it was the closest and had the most advanced equipment.

"No,” Bruce said sharply, "I'm taking him to Dr Sing."

.

Joker opened his eyes and was greeted by a wall of grey, he glanced around, this wall was surrounding him. He felt himself tense up slightly.

Was he in a coffin?

He hoped not, he wasn't dead, and coffins were so claustrophobic…

He looked down towards his feet, there was light. This wasn't a coffin then.

He could hear voices, but they were too quiet to tell whose they were.

"I don't think we should tell him." One voice said, sounded intentionally gravelled.

"What? Why?" This voice was higher pitched, they both sounded familiar.

"I know how he'll react; if I found out I was dying I'd want to do everything I'd always wanted, we don't know what those things are for him."

"Probably some crazy big killing spree."

He heard one of the men laugh.

"Hello?" He asked somewhat gingerly.

There was no response, he felt a tight feeling grow in his chest. "Hellooo?" He called, "Anyone there?"

"Yes Joker." That was Batman's voice, he felt his whole body relax and a smile crawled onto his face.

"Oh Batsy, it's you,” he said with a tone of false distaste. "Where am I?"

"You're in a CT scanner." Who was that? The voice was very familiar, high pitched and flamboyant, he sounded like he was smiling.

Joker's smile grew as he realised who it was. "Moggy!" he yelled happily, "Hello my boy, how are you?"

"I'm good thank you sir,” the young man smiled.

Batman stood in the corner of the room, behind a pane of glass, looking at the scanner results, he showed a certain one to Dr Mahogany. A cross section of Joker's brain, it had dark splodges covering the left half of the picture. "Have this checked, book him in for surgery,” Batman growled. There was an obvious sadness to his voice. Joker had abnormalities covering his brain, the beginning of aneurysms.

He had a total of three, building up in his head, it was a rare thing to have so many.

The thing about aneurysms is that they are not guaranteed to kill you straight away. They can sit and fester in your head for years, but once they burst, that's when they kill you. Or at least, most of the time that's when they kill you, sometimes the rupture will cause a stroke, leaving the patient paralysed.

However, with three aneurysms, Joker was more likely to suffer the former. Bruce was almost glad for that, he didn't think he'd be able to cope if Joker suffered a stroke. The mere thought of Joker incapacitated in such a way was distressing.

Even bringing him to the hospital, seeing him slouched in the chair next to him, knowing that  _something_ was wrong.

It caused his stomach to knot up.

He wasn't even sure why. Maybe it was seeing Joker so helpless, rendered useless by three thugs, who he could easily fight off if he were in his usual state.

That must be it, he wasn't used to seeing Joker unable to defend himself.

"Oh gosh,” the doctor gasped.

Joker frowned, what was 'oh gosh'? If it was to do with him then he deserved to know right? "Moggy? What's going on?" he tried to sound commanding, but a hint of fear somehow leaked out.

The doctor walked to the door, staring down at the picture, he half opened the door before replying, "It's nothing sir, it's fine. I'm going to leave for just a minute. Batman will show you to your room,” he left the room, the door squeaked shut behind him.

Joker held his hand to his face, "Last thing I need… more time alone with you…"

Batman pushed a button on the scanner, and Joker felt himself sliding out of the machine. He wasn't sure why he had thought it was a coffin, the cylinder of the CT scanner only covered half of him, everything from his hips down had been exposed.

"So!" Joker said happily as he sat up, he flinched slightly; his insides ached a little from his beating. "Found out what's wrong with me have you? Gunna try and _fix_  me?" He sounded genuinely excited with the prospect.

Batman stared at Joker as he started to stand, and found himself blushing. Joker was almost naked, wearing only boxers, ones that showed off his package rather handsomely, Joker didn't seem to have noticed, he stood proudly with his hands on his hips.

He wished Nightwing hadn't had to return to the Batcave

"Well?" Joker said pointedly, cocking his head slightly.

Batman accidently let out a sigh as he looked at Joker, he quickly pulled a pair of batcuffs from his belt and slapped them on one of Joker’s wrists, attaching the other to himself.

Joker smiled widely as he let Batman shackle him, "I heard that Batsy,” he winked at the dark knight, "You know… we are alone,” he looked over at the camera, the light was turned off, "The cameras are off. We could do whatever we like."

Batman growled lightly as he felt Joker tug slightly at the cuffs, trying to pull Batman towards him.

"Joker, no,” Batman said sternly.

The pale man pouted, "Why not darling? Still scared 'coz you like it?"

Batman frowned, he wasn't going to lie, he did like it… "You are ill. Any… contact like that, it could exacerbate the condition."

Joker gave an evil smile, "Fucked to death by Batman? Sounds like a damn good way to go." He pulled himself closer to Batman, pressing his forehead against Batman's. He stared dead into his eyes, "You've got such pretty eyes,” he purred.

"Joker…" Batman purred back, "I don't want to hurt you."

Joker pressed himself closer, kissing Batman gently, Batman forced himself to not kiss back, "You're sick, we can't, it's not right."

Joker frowned cheekily, "I've always been _sick_. You know that sweetheart… And you know this is the  _best_  thing we can do."

There he goes again, wanting to do things that he knew could kill him.

Batman felt a smile grow on his face, "What's right isn't always what's best."

Joker placed another kiss on Batman’s lips, Batman wasn't pushing him off, hadn't lashed out. He did want it, Joker was sure he did.

Joker moved his mouth to Batman’s ear and whispered "I just want to be with you Bruce…"

Batman's eyes jumped open, he pushed Joker back, the only thing that stopped the man from falling was the tether on his wrist. "What?" Batman said, his face had gone white, "What did you call me…?"

Joker smiled, "Well, that is your name is it not?"

Batman glared at the smaller man.

"Oh,” Joker smiled, "You didn't know I knew?"

"I…" Batman was unsure what to say. "I did know."

Joker lifted an eyebrow, "But you didn't think I'd ever call you that?"

Batman shook his head slightly, Joker smiled, he tapped Batman on the cheek, "Dramatic effect Batsy-boo. Thought it might turn you on…" He pouted again and cooed "I'm shorry, I pwomise not to do it again."

"Never,” Batman growled, eyes burning into Joker.

Joker smiled and gently poked out his tongue.

He leant forward as he retracted it, and went to kiss the bat again, but Batman moved away.

He started to pull Joker toward the door, Joker grabbed a gown that was hanging on the wall and wrapped it around himself with his free hand.

"Whoa, slow down Bats" Joker smiled as he was pulled through the hall, "The only person I want seeing me in my boxers is you, not these  _weirdo-normals."_

Batman slowed slightly and turned into one of the small hospital rooms, he moved Joker onto the bed, using the handcuffs to force him off balance, and onto his back. Though Batman was careful not to do anything that would hurt him.

He let out a small 'oof' noise as he hit the bed, then looked up and watched Batman close the door.

"So, Batsy… In a room, with a bed… I wonder what we'll do now?"

"Take your boxers off,” Batman grunted.

Joker smiled, showing him teeth, he pulled off his boxers slowly with his free hand, trying to be sexy, and dropped the item of clothing on the floor thoughtlessly.

Batman crossed his arms, his eyes darted around the room, settling on the TV, not wanting to look at Joker’s naked body. "You're not allowed to wear your own clothes, gown only,” he pointed to the gown Joker had placed on the bed, "Put that on."

Joker huffed, "And I thought you were trying to be sexy…" He tugged on his handcuffs, using Batman’s weight to pull himself up, "I should have known better."

Batman stood firm as Joker smiled up at him, he was still naked and didn't seem in a rush to cover himself.

"Why did you do that Joker? Call me by my name?"

Joker’s smile grew, he gave a half-hearted shrug "Told'ya, thought it might be a turn on for you."

"Why would you think that?" Batman was still trying not to look at the naked man who sat splayed legged on the bed in front of him.

He shrugged again, "Coz it turns  _me_  on that I know everything about you." He swung his legs over the side of the bed, "Thought it might do the same for you."

He opened his mouth, that funny 'o' shape, "Oh! I get it… I think it's a turn on that I know everything about you, but wouldn't like it if you knew my past. You don't like that I know who you are, but it would turn you on if you knew who I was. Ohoh you are a tricky little thing Batsy."

He used the cuffs to pull himself to his feet, Batman felt his breath quicken as Joker moved closer. He swallowed hard as the clown wrapped an arm around him.

"Just like me,” the mad man whispered as he leant forward again. His lips hovered millimetres from Batman's, Bruce could feel Joker’s breath against him, could feel the soft heat emanating from his body.

Joker smiled as he felt Batman's will start to fade. Bruce couldn't stop himself, he felt himself sway forward, meeting Joker’s lips in a gentle kiss.

Joker chuckled lightly as the kiss started to become a little more violent, Bruce started biting and sucking at Joker’s lips, their tongues fighting for dominance in the caverns of their mouths.

Joker started biting back, playing a game of dare; who could bite harder. Batman was the first to draw blood, he let out a small grunt, almost a laugh, as he tasted Joker’s blood on his teeth. Batman ran his tongue over the small cut on Joker’s lip, lapping up the blood.

"Like how I taste?" Joker whispered with a deep groan.

Bruce couldn't bring himself to answer, he didn't want to talk, it might bring him back to his senses. So he continued kissing, just lingering in the bliss of this, continuing to bite and suck, this fight with their lips and tongues and teeth. They both flinched repeatedly as they continued to bite hard.

He felt Joker start to move backwards, and followed him. Joker smoothly sat on the bed, he twisted his legs around the other man, and wrapped his free arm around Bruce's neck, holding him in their kiss.

Bruce slowly moved his hand down, finding Joker’s cock and running a gloved finger up its shaft. Joker chuckled again, shivering slightly at the odd sensation of the material against him. Bruce ran his finger back down the erect member.

"Oh come on Batsy, don't just fiddle with it, do it properly,” Joker groaned, he grabbed Batman’s tethered wrist and forced the man's hand around his cock, and forced him to move his hand up and down.

Bruce smiled slightly as they kissed, he couldn't help it, he started to pump Joker's dick, it was like something at the back of his head was willing him to do this. He wanted this.

He pushed Joker back on the bed, leaning over him and kissing furiously, his mouth was tainted with drops of their blood, it tasted so good.

Joker removed his arm from Batman’s neck and moved it down, he began to pull open the armour surrounding Batman’s crotch.

Before he could get the item off completely, Batman jumped back violently. He'd heard the door squeak open. Joker looked up to see doctor Mahogany standing at the door.

He had turned white, he looked as if he was going to throw up.

Joker chuckled loudly, "Hello my boy, come to join the party? I warn you though." He glanced down towards his junk, "I'm already about half way through."

Batman blushed, thankfully Joker had only removed the armour from him, he still had a thin layer of spandex covering the area. He silently stepped forward to take a document from the doctor. The doctor visibly shuddered as he handed Batman the pieces of paper, he could feel bile leaping up his throat, he forced himself to swallow and carry on.

He flinched at seeing Batman, his lips were cut and swollen, blood and saliva smeared on them, and he was smiling. Batman was smiling? It was a nervous, embarrassed smile, but still.

"Thank you doctor Mahogany,” Batman said, his voice cracking mid-sentence, he hoped to god that the young doctor would continue despite having seen that.

How could he have let that happen…

He'd known that someone could have walked in, but he had let himself get so far. He had been about ready to fuck Joker right here. If the doctor had walked in only a few minutes later… He didn't want to think about it.

He glanced down to the floor, unable to keep Doctor Mahogany's eye line, and in doing so noticed he had quite a noticeable boner pressing out from his un-armoured crotch, he felt his face go red, and his eyes flicked around the room, searching for a chair to sit in.

Batman took a seat by Joker’s bed, still not able to look anywhere but the floor.

Mahogany couldn't help letting a smile twitch onto his face, seeing Batman’s reaction. Seeing the incorruptible, stoic Batman,  _the Batman_ , in such a… a state. Embarrassed and aroused and confused.

"Sirs,” he finally said, once his stomach had settled and his smile had faded, while Joker still lay naked on the bed and Batman was sat on his chair, his face bright red. "I'll have to ask you to desist activities of a… uh… sexual nature. Joker will be undergoing surgery next week."

.

The doctor walked across the small grey room to sit at the foot of Joker's bed, he picked up the hospital gown and tossed it, covering Joker's unambiguous erection.

"…Sir,” he said to Joker, trying to avoid looking into the man's painfully scary eyes.

Joker lazily pulled himself upwards. His lips were as cut and swollen as Batman's, although it was not nearly as obvious. "What."

Mahogany dented his fingers, sighing slightly, still not looking Joker in the eyes. "Although Batman didn't want me to tell you, I am your doctor, I feel I must."

Batman leant forward in his chair, still unable to bring himself to talk or look anywhere but the floor, he just sat and listened as Doctor Mahogany started to tell Joker about his illness.

Joker smiled as the young doctor explained what a brain aneurysm was. Not that Joker didn't already know. He nodded mockingly as Mahogany explained the procedure that would 'cure' the afflicted areas of his brain.

As Doctor Mahogany talked Batman felt a hard anger swell in his chest, god he wished the man would stop talking, every word stabbed in his head. If he couldn't leave the room soon then he was going to explode in a ball of fury.

"…You see it's now imperative that you keep yourself calm, and avoid any nasty blows to the head, until the procedure. That means no stress: no fighting, verbal or physical, and no  _sexual acts_. Is that clear?"

The doctor was certainly trying to sound assertive, but with the tone he was using Joker found it hard to take him seriously. "Ok doc ok, no sex I get it. Though you might want to make that a little clearer to Batman," he turned his head to the vigilante, who now seemed to have overcome his incredible embarrassment, "Seriously bats, how could you? I could have  _died_!"

He glared at the clown, Joker smiled in return and said "Well aren't you grumpy when you don't get your  _needs_  tended to…"

"Shut up Joker,” Batman snapped, his lip twitching involuntarily as he talked.

Doctor Mahogany held his hands up to calm the situation, "Batman, sir, please. Try to keep calm."

Batman suddenly rose to his feet, "Why? He's the one who's fucking dying, not me."

Something was wrong, he felt a lump grow at the back of his throat, and felt flooded by the need to leave, just get out of this room. Why did he feel so angry?

He stormed out, leaving Joker laughing hysterically in the bed behind him. The doctor followed him, jogging to keep up, "Sir." Batman continued walking towards the lift. "Sir!" Mahogany shouted, Batman stopped at the lift, the doctor put himself between the vigilante and the metal door.

He stretched out his arms in an attempt to stop Batman passing, "Sir, please. Don't leave."

Batman stared down at the shorter man, "Why not?" his voice was oddly calm. He'd felt slightly more at ease the moment he'd left the room, the further he was from that man the better. The further away he was, the less confused he felt, less conflicted.

"I-I can't deal with him, not on my own,” the doctor spoke quietly, nervously.

Batman frowned, "What? I thought you were friends."

The doctor shook his head, "No. Well…" he sighed, he voice dropped in volume even more, "When we're not in the same room it's fine. But I can't be with him in person. He scares me in person. He's not on the HPC1220 anymore, he'll be unpredictable. Please. I want to help him."

Batman exhaled deeply "Fine. But I will only be in the room when you are."

The doctor smiled, "That's fantastic, thank you."

Mahogany turned and started to walk back to the Joker’s room, Batman reluctantly followed.

"This is fantastic it really is,” the doctor said, almost singing with happiness, "He's got a brilliant mind, he does, but it's just his skin. It scares me, I mean, really? He's  _white_. It's as if god forgot to colour him in! And don't even get me started on his damn eyes,” he shook his head and chuckled.

Bruce felt a frown appear on his face. Joker had nice skin, unusual skin, but nice. And Bruce liked the clowns eyes, they were so… complex. Deep and dark and so full with emotion; Joker liked to count himself as a good actor, but Bruce could always tell if he were lying just by looking into his eyes.

He opened the door to the room and walked in, Joker had put his gown on and settled himself under the covers, he was chuckling at whatever was on the TV, Batman didn't see what it was as Doctor Mahogany turned it off before he walked in.

"Meany,” Joker grunted, sticking his tongue out at the doctor as the young man took a seat on one of the chairs.

The mad man smiled as Batman entered the room, "Hey Batsy, managed to get rid of that _boner_ did you?"

Batman frowned slightly, he took a seat on the chair next to the doctor's, "…That wasn't why I left,” he said reluctantly.

Joker smirked "Oh I know exactly why you left, darling." His eyes moved to the doctor, "Anyway, Moggy, my little stray, what was it you were saying?" He held his hand to his chin, pretending to think. Mahogany knew this routine of Joker’s, so he didn't speak. "Oh yes!" Joker said, clasping his hands together, "You were going to slice my head open to see what's inside, and cut bits out of it in hopes of making me a little less likely to die." He shook his head, "I don't think that's going to happen…"

Both Doctor Mahogany and Batman frowned, leaning forward on their respective chairs.

"W-What? Why?" The doctor asked. "Why not?"

Joker raised an eyebrow, as if mocking the doctor for not understanding, "As if I'd tell you. I like you Mog, but I don't trust you. Just know, I'm not going to have the surgery."

The doctor sighed, his head dropped slightly, "Sir… You are not mentally competent. You're having the surgery because it is generally believed that you need it. You have no say in the matter; I'm simply informing you that once the board approves it, it's happening."

Joker frowned, "So you're going to slice me open either way?" He crossed his arms, staring over at the doctor.

He moved his eyes to Batman's, he didn't seem to be angry, or scared, he looked something more along the lines of confused. "Batman,” he nearly squeaked, "Are you just going to sit there and let this happen?"

Batman looked from Joker to the doctor and back, the operation could save Joker's life, it was probably not the best thing to do, but it was the right thing. "Yes,” he grunted. Joker sat, mouth hanging open, he seemed to be waiting for the vigilante to expand on the answer, but he didn't. The clown turned his head to the doctor, frowning, the doctor immediately froze, terrified. Joker's eyes were vicious pools of black and green.

"I will kill you for this,” he said, not a threat, a statement, a fact, it was going to happen.

The doctor suddenly felt in a rush to leave the room, understandably, not many people could keep calm after a death threat from the Joker.

He calmed himself, "Sir, I only want to help you, this operation will help you."

Joker pursed his lips, "I don't want your help,” he spat, "I'm perfectly fine how I am, I don't need you and a bunch of slicers poking about in my brain."

The doctor shook his head violently, his hair falling out of place as he did so, "You're dying Joker, you are not fine."

Joker flopped back onto the bed violently, the doctor flinched slightly as he did, and Batman lifted himself into a straighter sitting position, ready to jump up if Joker tried anything. "Joker, calm down,” he spoke gently, his eyes rested on Joker’s face. He let out a small, soft smile, anything to calm the clown before he did something stupid that would get himself kicked out of the hospital.

Dr Sing had not been at all happy to see Batman's return; he had even threatened to call the police.

If it hadn't been for Dick's smooth talking then Joker wouldn't have been allowed in. He had pleaded to him, saying that as a doctor he should want to help people no matter how screwed up they were. He had practically got on his knees and begged. Bruce found it amazing that Dick could convince anyone to do anything with only a few words.

Bruce had found it hard not to smile as Dick had begged, he could see so easily through his fakery, but Dr Sing couldn't. As soon as Dr Sing agreed to it, Dick had regained his composure, falling out of the character and back into his usual mood. As the doctor had walked away the young man had turned to Batman, he had smirked and said 'god that was easy…'

The clown ran his fingers through his hair and let out a chuckle, he seemed to suddenly snap out of whatever rage he was in. "Stress!" He shouted loudly through his laughter, he shook his head lightly, turning to the doctor, a stone cold smile on his face "…Can you leave, I want to sleep."

Batman remembered the last time he'd seen Joker's attitude change like this was when he had last kidnapped Robin. It was unsafe for the doctor to be near Joker when he took a turn like this. He knew how quickly he could become violent.

Batman was on his feet and almost pushing the doctor out of the room in seconds. Mahogany turned to Batman as they exited, "I still need to explain this to him,” he said tetchily.

Batman could tell Joker had been about to snap, what else would have caused a sudden change like that?

"Explain it later,” he grunted as he closed the door. "We need to let him sleep."

The doctor grunted in agreement. "I'll keep an eye on him. You go and do… whatever it is you do."

Batman pulled a small device from his belt, the doctors large eyes followed his hands as they held out a small ear-piece.

Batman sighed slightly as the doctor simply stared at the item. "It's an ear-piece,” he finally said, "Press the blue button to contact me, tell me when he wakes up."

He wanted to be at least in the hospital when Joker woke, just in case. He knew what Joker was like when it came to mood changes. He wished that he could stay in the hospital, but he had to finish his patrol, and, honestly, he didn't want to be with Joker at the moment. He wanted to get his mind off of this mess.

He couldn't keep replaying this same loop in his head; he shouldn't like being with Joker, but he did. He couldn't figure out why he felt so compelled to continue when he knew he shouldn't. This was wrong, but it felt so damn good.

He thought back to when he had been kissing Joker; the clown naked on the bed in front of him. He had wanted him so badly, even knowing it was the wrong thing to do, he had wanted it so bad, to feel the Joker on him, to hear those little gasps and titters the other man made when they kissed, when they…

Batman sighed. This wasn't healthy. He couldn't keep thinking like this.

He needed to relax for a bit, to get his mind off everything. He needed… He wasn't sure what.

Maybe beating a few criminals would clear his mind. He quickly bid the doctor goodbye and made his way to the docks.

The docks were his favourite place to start his rounds, always had been and he wasn't sure why. He'd always tried to be a little unpredictable when patrolling, in case the criminal world caught on to when he would be in what area. But more often than not, he started the night at the docks.

He walked through the shadows of the town, noticing that there were not as many people out tonight as usual; it was cold.

He found a quiet spot and made a quick call to Dick; he had agreed to let him know when he'd left the hospital.

Dick was being unusually clingy lately. Given the circumstances, he could see why. Damn kid…

"Nightwing."

"Batman?" Being a little formal aren't we."

It had been years since they had referred to each other as Batman and Nightwing over the intercom. Bruce never talked to him over this system anymore unless he was in a secure location, and so he would call him Dick.

"The channel's compromised; had to give away an ear-piece. Joker's in hospital, he's going in for surgery in a few days."

Bruce heard Dick sigh unhappily, "What's he got?"

"Aneurisms."

Dick paused for a second "Wha- Plural?"

Bruce nodded, forgetting the other man couldn't see the action, "Three of them."

Dick gave an impressed whistle, "Wow, poor bloke,” he chuckled slightly.

"This is no laughing matter,” Bruce said sharply, frowning.

Dick shrugged to himself as he lazed at the computer, "Kinda is. Got to admit, he does sort of deserve it after all he's done."

Bruce frowned again, "That's enough."

He went to press the button to hang up, Dick's comment had made him unexplainably angry. But as he reached up he heard an annoying high pitched static squeal come through the speaker. Someone else had joined their conversation.

"B-Batman?" The unmistakeable voice of Doctor Mahogany rang in both Bruce's and Dick's heads.

"And Nightwing!" Dick chimed, a smile obvious in his voice.

The doctor stuttered, unsure if he were using the head set correctly, "B-Batman?" He repeated, sounding panicked.

"Go,” Batman said, as an invitation to speak.

"He's gone,” the doctor almost screamed, his voice growing higher pitched with every word.

Bruce felt his eyes widen, "What,” he said breathily. He couldn't have been gone more than half an hour, how could they have lost him already?

"I-I was only gone for a minute, he leapt out of the window. Batman, you've got to find him, if he gets into another fight he'll die."

Batman frowned, he thought to himself for a second, "Did he leave anything behind?" he asked, "A note or anything?" Joker had always been one for leaving clues for Batman when he escaped from Arkham, maybe he had this time too.

There was a slight rustling noise from Doctor Mahogany's microphone. "He sprayed a picture on the bedside table. I-It's a bird, I think, made with shaving cream."

Nightwing laughed loudly, "Seriously? Even I know what that means."

The doctor stuttered again "W-What?"

Batman smiled to himself, it was obvious, so obvious. "We know where he is. Thank you for your help doctor."

.

Batman sighed as he walked down the alleyway where they had found Robin. The night that he and Joker had first almost…

Bruce frowned as he walked to a small area of grass, the patch no bigger than a queen-sized bed, nestled between two high buildings. Laid on the patch of grass was a red blanket, with Joker on top of that.

He was faced away, leant over a small box.

Batman's frown softened and he shook his head lightly; a picnic? Really...

Joker flicked his head round to see the source of the small noise, "Batman,” he said, a smile quickly appearing on his face. "So glad you could make it,” he turned where he sat, he was holding a small can of apple Fanta, he took a noisy sip from the can as Batman came to him.

"What is this?" Batman asked, starting to smile from the oddity of the situation.

"Picnic,” Joker said bluntly, he turned back to the box and pulled out a couple of white paper plates. "Sit,” he patted the space on the blanket next to him.

Batman shook his head, "Joker, we cannot have a picnic… and you can't just run off every time something you don't like happens."

Joker sat silent, he pulled some food out of the cardboard box and placed it lazily on the plates.

"You've done it twice now,” Batman continued, he grew annoyed as Joker continued to ignore him, placing more food on the mat; some store bought sandwiches and crisps, and a few more cans of Fanta.

Joker finally looked up at the vigilante, his face was blank now, he looked almost sad. "Sit."

Normally at this point Batman would use force to get Joker to comply, however he didn't want to risk hurting him. He'd have to persuade him, slowly. Go along with whatever this was until he agreed.

Batman let out a haggard sigh as he reluctantly took a seat next to Joker on the soft red rug. How had Joker managed to find all of this in just half an hour?

He watched as Joker peeled open the wrapper to one of the sandwiches and took a bite. He hummed happily as he chewed, Bruce watched as the man ate, noticing how close the noises he made were to the ones he made when they were having sex.

A frown reappeared on his face, "Why did you leave like that? Why are you here?" he stared down at the food in front of him, "Do you have any idea how insane all this is!" he gestured at the plates.

Joker swallowed his mouthful and smiled, "I can only answer one question at a time, doll." His eyes moved down to the plate he had designated to Batman, "Do you like ham or tuna?" He held out two sandwiches to Bruce, waiting for him to take one.

Bruce stared dead eyed at the sandwiches as Joker waved them at him. "They're not poisoned. Look." He took a bite from one. This did very little to persuade the vigilante: first of all he didn't want one, and second, Joker was almost invulnerable to poisons and toxins. What did nothing to him may kill Bruce.

Joker put the food on Batman’s plate, "Fine,” he grunted, "But if you want, just go ahead."

"No thank you. Just answer my question,” Bruce glanced from the food to watch as the clown took another bite from his own sandwich.

"Which one?" Joker smiled through his mouthful of food, Batman didn't answer, just sat there and watched him eat. Joker rolled his eyes, "Batman…" he said softly, shaking his head, "You know as well as I do how risky that operation is. You know that I won't survive. I have three aneurisms for god's sake, three!"

Batman frowned, "There's a 60% success rate, there's quite a good chance you won't die."

"Three!" Joker said loudly, his voice was strained through his smile "60% is for just the one, this is three times more likely to go wrong. And even if I do survive I'll probably be paralyzed! That's _worse_  than death!"

Batman let his eyes drop from Joker’s face as he realised, Joker  _knew_  he was going to die, the same thought must had dawned on him as it had Batman 'What would I want to do before I die?'

He reached out and picked up one of the sandwiches that lay on the plate in front of him, the one Joker had taken a bite from. He sniffed it slightly as gently pushed the corner of it into his mouth, Tuna and mayonnaise on brown bread, it was lovely, and it wasn't poisoned.

"Nice?" Joker asked, he shifted himself into a more comfortable sitting position, his legs splayed to the side. He leant his head on Batman’s shoulder, smiling up at the vigilante as the man nodded, taking another bite.

Joker chuckled, watching as Batman ate. "You look so sexy when you eat,” he said quietly as he slowly turned onto his back, lying flat on his back on the blanket, with his head on Batman’s lap.

Batman tried to repress a smile as he looked down at Joker. He was so weird. And the way his face looked at this angle made him look gorgeous. He took another bite from his sandwich, Joker blinked furiously as small crumbs fell onto his face, he stuck his tongue out to try to catch them as they fell.

Batman let out a huffed chuckle, Joker’s face spilt into a smile and he joined in on the small laugh. His head knocked back as he did, brushing gently against Bruce's groin plate, Bruce felt the slight pressure and, without thinking, he bucked his hips forward to meet the clowns movement.

Joker bit his lip, his eyebrow raised slightly, "You sure are eager Batsy, only 5 minutes into our first date and you're already trying to fuck the back of my head? I'm not that kind of gal…" he flashed a cheeky smile as he licked a crumb from his bottom lip.

Batman tried to return to a more natural sitting position, angling himself a little away from Joker’s head, "Joker, no. We can't have sex, it might cause a rupture."

Joker pouted and frowned, "Oh boo…" He sighed in thought "You know…" he turned his head so he was facing Batman more directly "The reason we can't have sex is because the hormone change paired with the change in blood pressure might cause me a rupture, yes?"

"Yes,” Batman replied through his last bite of tuna.

Joker smiled again as his eyes flitted to the clasp of Batman's groin plate, "So, that only means I can't  _receive_ sexual pleasure. Doesn't mean I can't give you it…"

Before Batman could swallow his mouthful and protest, Joker changed his position. He flipped himself over, kneeling in front of the dark knight on his elbows and knees. He quickly removed Bruce's groin plate and pulled down the thin material, he moved himself within kissing distance of Bruce's cock.

"Joker, stop it,” Batman mumbled half-heartedly as Joker planted a soft kiss on his shaft, and slowly ran his tongue up its length.

Joker smiled to himself as it twitched in response, "It's quite obvious you don't really want me to."

Bruce placed a hand on Joker’s shoulder with all the intention of pushing him away, however he ended up simply holding him in place as the clown took his hand to Bruce, gripping him firmly and slowly dragging his fingers up and down.

Bruce felt his body start to tense, he let out a small gasp as Joker placed his slightly open mouth firmly on the tip, and he felt the other man's tongue swirl around his tip, moving slowly down, his lips, and eventually, his throat following.

He felt himself growing quickly to his full length as Joker’s head started bobbing slowly, stopping every couple of thrusts to bring his tongue over the head of his penis. Joker removed his mouth from it completely and replaced his hand, running it up and down slowly.

He grunted happily and licked his lips, watching as a small drop of pre-cum formed at the eye of Bruce's cock.

"Still want me to stop?" He asked quietly, almost mockingly, he smiled when Bruce shook his head, his face expressionless and his eyes glazed.

Joker bent forward again and lapped up the drop of pre-cum, "I didn't think you would,” Bruce almost jumped as Joker's mouth plunged back onto him, he felt himself hit the back of Joker's throat and felt the muscles there contract slightly. He threw his head back and swore loudly, "Oh fuck…"

He felt Joker smile around him as his hand slid slowly from the man's shoulder, tangling itself in his soft green hair, he moaned louder each time Joker’s lips slid down his dick, he was unable to stop himself, his hips bucked forward, meeting Joker’s thrusts, plunging further into the warm cavern of his mouth.

Joker licked and sucked viciously, moaning gently as Batman thrusted into his mouth, his eyes slid to Bruce's face as the vigilante pulled at his hair. Bruce's breath was becoming more laboured, he groaned gently as he felt that delightful coil of tension build in his stomach.

He ground his teeth together and dug the nails of his armoured gloves into Joker’s scalp and forehead, hard enough to break the skin. He stared down at the clown, looking into his hard eyes as Bruce's dick slid quickly in and out of his mouth, saliva and pre-cum coated his lips. He looked so hot.

Joker gasped in slight pain as Bruce's grip tightened more so. His jaw was starting to cramp slightly, he was about to remove his mouth again, change back to his hand, but Batman held his head firmly in place, not letting him move more than the up and down motion he was already preforming.

Joker grunted and smiled slightly as his jaw tensed, making his teeth brush lightly against the underside of Bruce's cock. Bruce let out a low moan and started forcing Joker’s head up and down, shoving Joker's lips down to his base and bringing them up again to the tip, ramming into the back of Joker’s throat. Joker was gasping slightly as he tried to control his gag reflex, he stared into Bruce's eyes as he felt the man's muscles start to contract.

Bruce groaned, forcing Joker's head up and down faster, the warm sparks started to fill his mind "I'm gunna…" he growled gently as his grip on Joker's head tightened even more.

Joker let out a short grunt of approval as he gulped hungrily at Bruce's cock.

A small gasp escaped from Bruce's throat, "Bite,” he whispered through his teeth.

Joker bit slightly as he continued to suck at Bruce's cock, bobbing up and down and moaning along with Batman.

"Bite hard,” Bruce ordered, Joker complied, digging his teeth into the midriff of Bruce's shaft, sliding it slowly down to the base, pressing the head into the back of his throat.

Batman grunted loudly as the mix of pain and pleasure exploded inside him and he emptied himself into Joker’s mouth.

His grip finally loosened as spots appeared in front of his eyes, Joker removed his mouth from Batman, coughing slightly he quickly moved to pick up his drink. "G-God, wow, you sure do like it rough. Biting? Really?"

He took a swig of his drink, Batman stared over at him, replacing his groin plate and smiling gently in bliss. He watched him drink and grunted slightly as he noticed a small drop of blood sliding from one of the cuts he'd just inflicted on the clowns face, "You're bleeding."

Joker smiled and let out an 'Ooh', he lifted his hand to wipe the blood from his face, licking it from his finger while making unnecessary eye contact with the vigilante. He hummed happily as he lay on his side, he licked his lips and patted the ground next to him, "come'ear" he smiled.

Bruce didn't really want to, but he was still unsure of protocol for these kinds of situations, maybe this was normal, he lay uncertainly on the ground next to Joker, who smiled at the vigilante's rigidity, "For someone who just got a blow job, you seem rather tense…"

Bruce shrugged, his usual frown started to return to his face, "I should get you back to the hospi- What are you doing?"

Batman's frown grew as he noticed that Joker had undone his belt, and was starting to pull off his jacket.

"Well I'm not going to sleep in my suit, it'll crease…" he said as he sat up quickly, folded his shirt and threw it into the almost-empty box in the corner.

"Sleep?" Batman grunted, rolling onto his side so he was facing towards the Joker.

Joker smiled sweetly, "There are only two things I've ever  _really_ wanted to do." He lay back on the blanket, leaning against Batman's shoulder, "Have a picnic, and sleep with you, I plan on doing both tonight." He leant his head against Batman, "One down, one to go."

Batman sighed in angst-filled confusion, "We can't sleep together. You've got to go back to hospital."

Joker took hold of Batman’s hand and nuzzled him gently, closing his eyes as his smile widened, "Please,” Joker moaned cutely as he fiddled with Bruce's fingers, "There's nothing they can do for me there that you can't do here, and you're not exactly going to force me to after what I just did…"

Bruce sighed as Joker snuggled up to him. He'd wait until Joker fell asleep and then take him. Joker tittered and yawned as he felt Batman take his hand.

He watched as Joker quickly drifted off to sleep, he couldn't help but chuckle as the clown jolted slightly as he fell asleep. He looked so sweet as he slept, so small in comparison to himself.

And again the thoughts of doubt sprung into his mind as he realised what had happened. Joker had just given him a blow job. Why had he let it happen? And now the clown was asleep next to him. Did Joker think that this was a relationship or something? Was Batman leading him on? Was that possible?

No that couldn't be right. Joker knew he was dying, he knew he only had a few days left. Maybe this was just… what he wanted.

The only thing, the last thing.

Bruce smiled, whadda ya know; Joker had feelings. Of sorts. Aspirations beyond killing and general madness. Bruce had never even imagined this might happen.

That… That would mean it would be ok, all this. If this was Joker's last wish, then Bruce should let him. No harm could come of this, right? It was just them sleeping together. And it's not as if anyone would find them; they were at the end of a stupidly long, dead end ally, with no windows on any of the buildings facing them. This was a truly secluded area. It felt safe.

Knowing that Joker was here with him, not out causing some unknown damage to himself or the public. Bruce felt safe.

He leant in and kissed Joker gently on the forehead as he felt his own lids start to feel heavy, he'd just sleep for a few hours, he'd take Joker to the hospital before he woke up. It'd be fine he was sure.

Just for a few hours.

.

Batman woke with a start, he felt something on him, he quickly lifted his head to see Joker straddling him, face inches from his own.

"Mornin' Batsy,” the half-naked clown whispered, placing a kiss on the vigilante's lips.

"What are you doing?" Batman growled, he felt understandably trapped by the clown who was pinning him to the floor, he had his hands on his collarbone, pressing him down.

The clown smiled and ground his groin into Batman's, "Whadda you think I'm doing? I'm making  _breakfast_ , what else?"

Bruce let out a slight groan as he felt Joker press hard against his morning-erection. "Joker get off. You know we can't, it'll  _hurt_ you."

Joker thrusted against Batman again, lowering himself so their bodies were pressed against one another. "And having your fingernails digging into my skull didn't hurt?"

Batman tried to sit himself up and push Joker off, but Joker somehow kept him pinned, or maybe Bruce didn't really want to stop, he wasn't sure. But he lay perfectly still as Joker started to move one of his hands down to grasp the Bats penis. Bruce let out a short gasp as the clown started to pump his dick violently.

Joker kissed the dark knight again, "So my darling bat, which pocket do you keep the lube in?"

Bruce didn't reply, he stared up coldly at the clown, who had lifted his crotch slightly and was wiggling out of his trousers.

"Fine then,” Joker said bluntly, he lowered himself towards Bruce, now completely naked "We'll just do it  _dry._  Wonder how much that'll hurt me."

A small stab of concern shot through the vigilante, "Joker no,” he whined again, trying harder now to get up, but Joker had the upper hand, and Bruce was, honestly, still half asleep, and he had never been a good morning person.

Joker tutted at Bruce's feeble attempt to get to his feet, "Come on… If I'm going to die then I want it to be at your hands, or, some other appendage of yours." He smiled widely as he slid his hand up and down Bruce's member, with his other hand he pressed the vigilante down harder, weighting him into the ground.

Batman felt his eyes widen as Joker pressed himself into Bruce's penis, hissing in pain as he did.

"Joker stop!" Bruce yelled as he felt the clown's body slowly giving in to the pressure he was putting on it.

Joker smiled, squinting slightly in pain as he started to feel himself slowly drag over the head of Bruce's penis, "Well if you won't give me any lube…"

Bruce quickly reached down to pull Joker from him, but Joker stayed firmly in place despite the dark knight's protests.

Joker chuckled, "You can't stop me." He started to lower himself more, "Ooh-ho, this really hurts,” he chuckled again.

Batman glared up at the clown as he weighed the options in his mind. Joker seemed set on doing this, Bruce couldn't get free, his muscles felt oddly weak. He reached down again and pulled a tube from one of his pockets, Joker smiled and snatched it from him, quickly applying it to both himself and Bruce, throwing the tube over his shoulder when he'd finished.

"I knew that'd work,” Joker smirked, "You're so easy to manipulate." Joker pressed himself against Batman's cock again, gasping lightly as it started to slide into him. Bruce threw his head back, knocking it against the blanket below him, panting as Joker took him, he lowered himself easily down Batman's whole length chuckling and gasping gently as he did so.

The clown let out a small sexy 'oof' noise as he reached the base of Bruce's dick, Bruce could feel his breath start to shorten as Joker began rocking back and forth slowly , "Joker, stop. This might kill you."

Joker swiftly leant forward and placed another kiss on Bruce's lips, Bruce kissed back, nipping at Joker’s lips as he did. "I know, I still wanna do it."

Joker sat back up, and continued rocking into Batman's cock. Bruce gazed up at the clown, he had a look of pure euphoria on his face. That sight, mixed with Joker’s gentle mewls, groans and chuckles, honestly, turned Bruce on more than anything he'd witnessed before.

He felt as if he were melting into the floor, each of Joker's slow thrusts pulling him up slightly. Soon enough Bruce found himself bucking into Joker as the clown moved on top of him. He began to bounce slightly as Bruce started to moan in pleasure, Joker's grunts becoming louder as Batman met his thrusts.

The clown removed his hand from Batman’s collar and brought it to his own dick, stroking it in time with Bruce's movements. "Ahh, oh Batsy this feels so good…" the clown whispered without realising as he started to bounce higher, pulling himself to the head of Bruce's cock, then quickly slamming himself back to its base, groaning and grunting at the sparks of pleasure that began to fill him.

Bruce took a firm hold of Joker’s thighs, aiding his movement, ramming hard into each of the clowns downward thrusts, and pulling back in time with each bounce. He groaned loudly as the sound of Joker's flesh slapping against him became almost deafening, he lifted his head as he pushed the clown up, watching as his hard cock slid out of the other man, and watched as Joker slid himself back down, moaning at the feeling.

He kept one hand on Joker’s leg and moved the other to the clowns cock, tugging on it hurriedly as the clown moved on top of him. Joker held a hand to Batman's face, dragging his nails across his skin and digging them into his cheek, Bruce responded by digging his nails into Joker's thigh as they moved together.

Bruce continued to moan as he revelled in the feeling of Joker's warm insides gulping viciously at him, and the slight pain now ebbing from the side of his face as he felt blood start to bead around Joker's nails.

He grew louder as he felt himself starting to swell to orgasm, the words "Oh fuck." escaped his lips as he felt his insides start to tense. He heard Joker whimper softly and felt the clowns body tighten around him, he watched as Joker exploded with pleasure; his eyes grew large as he let out a strangled moan, shuddering as Bruce continued pumping him until the familiar white liquid spilled from him, onto Batman's stomach.

Bruce let himself go, closing his eyes and groaning as he felt his warm seed fill Joker, Joker let out a short moan as he felt Bruce's muscles contract inside him.

The clown lifted himself from Batman, his Batman, and let himself tumble to the floor, lying next to the vigilante. Bruce scrabbled to Joker's side, "Joker, Joker,” he said as he shook him, "Are you ok."

The clown held up a hand gently, "Not if you keep doing that, I'll throw up... Just, back off for a second."

Batman shifted himself backwards slightly and quickly located his groin plate, clipping it quickly back in place, his eyes were fixed on Joker as the man lay on the floor, visibly shivering. Oh god, what had he done…

"Joker…?" he said sheepishly, he didn't know what to do, it might be dangerous to move him, but he couldn't just leave him there.

Joker let out a short cough, his breathing sounded heavy and laboured. "I'm ok, I think. Shit…"

Batman frowned, he should have stopped him, he could hardly stand to see him like this, the sight made him sick.

Joker sent a feeble punch into the floor, "Shit,” he coughed again, "I'm alive,” he chuckled lightly as he flopped onto his back.

"That's a good thing,” Batman said as he moved back to the clown, who had started to raise himself into a sitting position, Batman helped him up. He looked Joker in the eye, "Are you ok?"

The clown shrugged, "...So I would seem; I've not thrown up my lungs at least…" he sighed. "Damn, that would've been a nice way to go."

Batman frowned, it seemed as if Joker  _wanted_ to die. "What do you mean?" he asked, almost asking for confirmation.

"You heard,” Joker said shortly, seeming a little angry at the fact he was still alive. He glanced towards the box which still sat on the corner of the patch of grass, "Plan B, bit of a long shot, but,” he flinched as he reached to pull something out of the box.

A gun.

"Would you shoot me?" he asked, holding the weapon out to Batman, his eyes still on it.

Batman almost jumped to his feet, "Wh-what?" He asked, frowning, he stared down in disgust at the  _thing_  the clown was holding, "No! I will never even  _touch_ that thing."

Joker rolled his eyes, he tossed the gun back into the box, "Loosen up tight arse, I was only asking,” he chuckled, "Not like I asked you to kill me… oh wait…"

He smiled at the dark knight, waiting for him to respond to the obvious joke, "Joker,” Batman growled gently, "Why do want to die?"

Joker waggled a finger, "I don't just want to die, I want you to kill me."

"Why?"

Joker shrugged, the corner of his mouth twitching up comically, "Dunno. Figure if I'm gunna die, may as well go with a bang, do it how I want,” he chuckled, "The great Joker will not die from illness. I refuse! I will  _not_  die on the operating table. Like some common plebeian."

Batman's frown softened, "Joker,” he said quietly, "You're not going to die and I am certainly not going to kill you. I can't."

"Try?" Joker said, smiling mockingly.

Batman stared at him, "We need to get you back to hospital."

Joker waved his hand dismissively, "Nope, nope. You,” he pointed up at the vigilante, "Will show me to your cave first."

Batman frowned in confusion, "No, I won't. You need to go to hospital."

Joker met the vigilantes frown with one equally as cold, "You promised. And they can't do anything for me at that damn hospital anyway…"

Bruce crossed his arms. Joker smiled, "Don't you wonder why I picked this spot for our picnic?" Batman frowned again and shook his head, it had just seemed like a nice sheltered spot, it hadn't even occurred to him. Sloppy of him, really.

Joker chuckled and weakly tugged back the corner to the blanket, revealing a manhole cover.

"I'll show you mine if you show me yours,” he smiled as Batman walked to the metal lid. Bruce nodded, intrigued, did Joker have a 'Joker-cave' he'd always shown up in old derelict houses and other undesirable locations, but Batman hadn't though he'd had a constant hiding place. He'd never found one.

Joker tried to pull the cover up, but collapsed into a coughing fit, "Could you?" he mumbled once he'd regained his ability to speak.

Batman lifted it with ease and let Joker climb through. There was a drop of about 6 foot, Joker jumped down and fell into yet another coughing fit.

Batman followed, patting the clown on the back gently, asking if he were ok, although he knew the answer.

Joker stumbled through the darkness, trying to find a light switch. He flicked the light on, Batman stood with his jaw hanging open. In front of him was a large room filled with clothing rails, suits filled them all, there must have been hundreds, and there were boxes and boxes of joke toys on shelves around the room, in the corner there was a rather impressive amount of chemistry equipment, and in the opposing corner was a green bean-bag chair.

"Wow,” Batman said as he looked around the room.

"Yeah I know 'wow'. And you're the only person ever to come down here, other than me. Even Harley doesn't know this place exists,” Joker smiled and flopped onto the chair, he sighed happily as he looked around the room.

Bruce looked around the room, "Why did you bring me down here?"

Joker shrugged as he sank deeper into the chair, he was still shivering slightly, but he seemed to be trying to ignore it. "I thought someone should know about this place. So uh, now that you've seen mine…"

Batman sighed, "Fine. Just, let me call first."

Joker chuckled, "Let the wife know you're bringing you're boyfriend to meet her? Smart move."

Did Joker just call himself his boyfriend? Bruce shook his head as he pressed the button on his earpiece, "Nightwing?" he asked, "You still there?"

"He's upstairs. Still gallivanting?" Came a child's voice from the Batcave, Tim, sounding oddly happy.

Bruce smiled, it was nice to hear Tim's happy voice rather than the tone of teenaged angst he'd been using lately. "Not gallivanting, Robin. Tell him I'm coming home, and I'm bringing a guest."

Tim chuckled, and tone dropped noticeably, "Not gallivanting my arse, why are you bringing him here?"

Batman frowned, "Because I have to, he's refusing to go to hospital otherwise. It's just this once, and it'll only be for a little while." A smile suddenly flashed on Bruce's face as he almost forgot where he was or who he was with, suddenly curious about why Tim was suddenly being so friendly when only a few days ago he had been so angry, "And what's got you so happy anyway?"

"Uhh,” the teen smiled, "I'm going out with superboy."

Bruce chuckled slightly, "Just don't stay out too late. I-"

"-No, Batman, I mean, we're 'going out',” the boy said rushedly.

Batman let a wide smile spread across his face, "But I thought he had a girlfriend?"

Tim shook his head, "Nuh-uh, they broke up a couple of days ago, that's why I had to leave. We spent all day talking and it just happened."

"Well that sounds brilliant, good for you. Just, be careful with him…"

Tim laughed, "Yeah well you'd know having fucked superman and all."

Bruce frowned, he'd normally tell Tim off for that sort of disrespect, but it was nice to see him in a good mood. "Bye Robin,” he said bluntly, pressing the button before Tim had a chance to respond. He turned back to Joker to see him smiling widely at him.

"That sounded like a happy conversation, the half I heard of it anyway. So am I allowed? I promise I'll be good."

Bruce nodded, he was starting to grow anxious about this, about showing his arch enemy into his secret hideout. But Joker had done it for him, so… he should return the gesture.

"Ooh brilliant!" Joker said as he got to his feet, "Can't wait to see little Dickey-bird again, it's been years."

.

Joker gingerly rose to his feet and walked to the space under the manhole cover "Shall we go?" he asked happily.

Batman held up a hand as he walked to the corner of the room, the opposite direction. He had noticed a gap between some of the boxes and had gone to investigate. There was a tiny door in the wall, less than half the size of a normal door. Joker let out a soft 'Oi' of protest as Batman slid through, there was a small cupboard-like space on the other side; three walls filled with shelves, one filled with canned foods, one with an assortment of odd hats and boxes filled with metal playing cards, and one dedicated to him.

Newspaper and magazine clippings for the most part, depicting many of Batman's more gruesome fights. Bruce smiled as he noticed that many of the pictures of the other villains had been defaced with pencil moustaches. On the wall was a chart, it looked years old, which looked like a football league board, but had Batman's name in the middle, with Bruce Wayne's next to it. All around the edges were names of all the rich and famous men in Gotham, many of them had lines through to indicate that they had died or been killed. A chart of all the men who could be Batman, and the one who was.

One shelf was filled with around 30 Batarangs of varying stages: one which was just a bat shape made of steel, one which was supposed to be electrified, but had been deactivated. Some of the more high tech ones looked as if they had been taken apart and put back together, and almost all of them had old blood dried on them, or were dented.

One shelf had part of Batman’s cape on it, part that had been ripped off during a battle. And what looked like part of an ear of one of his masks.

Bruce felt himself blush slightly, all of these were things that he would have thrown away without hesitation, yet Joker had kept them.

He stood for a moment and smiled at the wall of stuff before backing back through the small door.

Joker was still standing under the manhole, he had his arms cross and he looked rather embarrassed.

Bruce smiled slightly, "Why do you keep all this stuff?" he asked as he picked out a suit from one of the many racks and handed it to the clown.

Joker suddenly blushed and looked down at himself, as if he'd only just realised he were still naked. He shrugged as he pulled on the shirt, "I thought you might like it, and it'll be good for if they ever make a museum for us."

Batman raised an eyebrow, "Why would we get a museum?"

Joker shrugged again as he pulled on his trousers, stopping for a second when he noticed the scratch marks on his thigh, "That red-headed speed-freak from keystone's got one, why shouldn't we?"

"He's different to us,” Batman grunted, "They're not scared of him."

Joker huffed, "Whatever. We've been around longer than him, we should have got a museum first."

Joker finished dressing himself in silence, reluctantly asking Batman to help him through the hole in the ceiling; he felt too weak. He shouldn't really have been on top earlier… it had sapped all his energy.

He wouldn't change it though, it had been so damn good.

The trip to the Batcave was uneventful, but Joker, who was sitting on the back seat, was starting to drift off to sleep. Batman didn't want him to sleep, what if he fell into a coma? He didn't want Joker to die in his car. He didn't want Joker to die at all.

He shouldn't have slept with him. He should have been able to break free from Joker's hold, so why couldn't he?

"Joker,” Batman said, an effort to stop the clown from sleeping, "Why did I wake up to you straddling me?"

Joker shrugged, gazing out of the window, watching the side of the road. "Coz otherwise you wouldn't do it."

"Because I don't want to kill you."

Joker yawned, it was working, he was feeling less sleepy as they spoke, "Yeah you do, or you would have just thrown me off of you."

Batman frowned, "I couldn't get you off. And I didn't take your gun, doesn't that prove something."

"Not really!" Joker said loudly, "I knew you wouldn't do it. But' thought it might bring you to your senses."

The vigilante's frown deepened, "I am at my senses. You're the one who's not. How could you think I would willingly kill you?"

Joker turned to Batman, one eyebrow raised and a crooked smile on his face, "You are an idiot. You don't get it do you?"

Batman sat in silence, not sure how to respond.

"You've _almost_  killed me twice now, I just need to push you a little bit further…"

The clown leaned towards Batman, and placed a kiss on the frowning man's cheek.

"I won't do it,” Batman growled, sitting unyielding through the kisses.

Joker threw himself back onto his seat and crossed his arms, "So,” he said, suddenly changing the subject, "Will we be on our own in your cave, or will the whole family be there?"

Bruce's frown softened, glad for the conversation change, "It'll be us, Nightwing and Robin."

"Which Robin?"

"The new one, the third one,” the frown returned to his face, "And there's only one Robin."

Joker frowned gently in thinking, "I don't like the new one."

"I could tell,” Bruce said, remembering that Joker had dislocated Tim's arm only a short time ago, "You've never liked Robin."

"Yeah but I dislike this one more."

"Why?"

Joker leant forward again, "Because he's got a stupid name. The first one I could nickname 'Dickey-Bird' and the red head I could nickname 'Blue-Jay' but this one's stupid, there's no bird with the word 'Tim' in it. His name has no pun!"

Batman frowned again as he pulled into the road leading to the Batcave, "Don't call us by our real names, it's not right."

"Oo-oh," he said sounding intentionally camp, "Touchy little bat aren't you…" His voice returned to its usual octave, "Fine. Are we there yet?"

Batman nodded, but didn't speak as they pulled up to the mouth of the cave.

Joker became visibly excited as they drove in, his eyes grew wide and he shifted happily in his seat, he let out a joy filled squeak when Batman slowed the car to a halt. He undid his seat belt as Batman left the car and walked round to unlock Joker’s door.

"Ooh yay we're here,” he squeaked happily as he pranced from the car. He looked around in wonderment, his eyes setting eventually on the young man who sat at the computer who was frowning down at them.

"No cuffs?" Nightwing asked as he got to his feet, and trotted down the steps and walked up to the pair.

Batman shook his head, Joker noticed he had tensed up slightly, his back had straightened and his shoulders had peaked. Joker chuckled as Batman growled out "No, he's too weak to do anything."

Nightwing frowned at Joker's chuckle, "He'll take that as a challenge you know." The young man eyed Joker cautiously as he took Batman's cape from him; it was a newer version where the cape could unclip without removing the cowl, it was a must as Bruce had almost lost his mask several times due to catching his cape. Bruce had taken it off before meeting Joker, and had placed it on before getting back in the batmobile.

Joker smiled widely "Oh shush Dickey-Bird, I promise I'll be good,” Dick frowned at the clown, he hated when Joker called him that, it was too close to his real name, it put him on edge. The young man walked over to the case of costumes, Joker's eyes followed him, and grew wide as it began to dawn on Joker just how big the cave was.

He was off like a shot, almost sprinting into the gallery of the cave, cooing in awe as he saw the massive coin mounted on the wall, and laughed as he came to a row of collected villain costumes, he stopped at Harley's and frowned, "How did you get hold of this? I've been wondering where this'd gone."

Batman was walking along behind Joker, just keeping an eye on him to make sure he didn't do anything, "I've had it for years, took it from Arkham, they were going to throw it away."

Joker’s smile widened, "Oh well we can't have that! I suppose that's how you got most of these?" he gestured at the row of suits, "And this." He waltzed to the manikin hosting his own suit. The suit stood in front of a large Joker-orientated area; oversized playing cards, one of Joker's punch-guns, a tommy gun, several old masks, and chemical compound sheets holding instructions on how to make antidotes to Joker's various toxins. The clown shook his head gently in near amazement.

He turned to Batman, smiling gently with one eyebrow raised and an obvious sexual tone in his voice "Well, yours is  _bigger_ than mine that's for sure."

Bruce tried to stop himself from blushing at the innuendo, he glanced away quickly, and noticing Nightwing standing by his costume's stand arms crossed, his face a mix of discomfort and disgust. Joker had also noticed this, he rolled his eyes at the man's expression and started to make his way towards him, "You're just annoyed 'coz daddy bat is gay, and fancies me, of all people,” Joker chuckled as if he were bragging.

Dick frowned harshly, "Shut up clown,” his voice didn't seem to match the anger on his face, he seemed almost disappointed.

Sensing Dick's discomfort Bruce decided to change the subject, something else which had been weighing on his mind for the last hour or so, "Could you go and get Robin?" he asked Dick, "I need to have a uh…  _talk_  with him."

Nightwing's stance changed as he turned from Joker to Bruce, he grimaced slightly and his voice dropped in volume, "Oh, talk? Which talk?  _The_ talk? About him and Superboy?" Batman nodded, Dick hissed gently, "Ooh that'll be awkward… I'm still recovering from mine…" he chuckled as he walked from the cave, happy to leave the room.

Joker's face suddenly slumped into a frown, he held a hand to his mouth and bit his bottom lip, "Oh that poor boy!" he said, holding back laughter. "Can I just ask,” he watched as Dick left the room, "Is there  _anybody_  in this little family of yours who is straight?"

His joked question went unanswered, and so, beginning to feel bored, Joker decided to continue his tour of the cave, Batman followed on behind him.

The vigilante wasn't talking, Joker guessed this was because of the talk he was about to have with his young protégé, he chuckled to himself as he imagined the impending awkwardness.

He fumbled through a few boxes that lay almost forgotten in the corner of the cave; in Joker’s opinion, some of the best things were those  _almost_  forgotten.

As Batman had not voiced any displeasure Joker figured it must be ok to search through them; there was a tube filled with an odd purple dust, a picture of a defaced painting (one of his works he believed), a newspaper clipping and a small trophy surfboard, and a microscope. At the bottom of the boxes Joker found something that made his stomach flip with excitement. One of Batman's old cowls, the cape of it had been scorched and torn beyond repair, but the thing that got Joker excited was that the ear of it was missing. He had that ear, sitting on a shelf in his own little 'cave'.

It just seemed like a nice little coincidence.

He pulled the age-old cowl out of the box, spinning so the cape wrapped around himself, he held the mask over his face.

"Hey Batsy,” he yelled, smiling.

The mask didn't fit him at all; it was too short for him, and too wide, Batman had to stop himself from laughing at how ridiculous it looked, while at the same time hoping he hadn't looked quite as ridiculous when he'd worn it.

The clown held a hand to his hip, holding the ill-fitting cowl on his face with the other. "Fancy a little self-cest?" he said in his best imitation of a bat-growl, which with anyone else's judgement would have been called terrible, but Batman felt his face become heated at the insinuation.

A loud and disgusted "Eww" came from the door to the batcave. Batman spun on his feet and saw young Robin walking reluctantly into the cave, a look of sheer revulsion sculpted in his features.

"Robin,” Bruce smiled forcedly as he walked towards the boy, leaving Joker to play around with the boxes, "I need to have a word with you."

"With him here?" Tim almost snapped as he jerked his head towards the clown. He didn't want Joker to be here at all, he should be in Arkham where he belongs, why had Bruce brought him here?

Batman nodded, his arms crossed as he stanced himself in front of the teen. He wasn't going to let Joker out of his sight until he was back in hospital, but it was absolutely imperative that he talk to Tim about this.

Robin slumped down on a nearby chair, he tried to smile through his disgust, just to get out of here as soon as possible. "Can we be quick, I'm meeting up with Superboy in a bit."

Batman sat down opposite the boy, denting his fingers as he carefully picked out his words. "If anything, that makes it more important that we do this now."

Tim put his hands to his face and chuckled despairingly as he realised what was about to happen, "Batman, do you really need to do this…? I've done sex-ed in school… I know how everything works, I know the risks."

The vigilante held up a hand, he hadn't planned on explaining the mechanics. "The way the school deals with the subject is not meant for someone in your situation."

Tim suddenly frowned, Bruce instantly realised he'd not taken that comment as it had been meant, "I don't mean because you're gay, this has nothing to do with that. I mean, because of your double life. You have to be careful that you don't become distracted by your feelings."

Joker chuckled from where he stood "As if  _you've_  not,” he chimed as he looked through some newspaper clippings.

Batman shot a dirty look at Joker, "And now look at me; I've got nail marks down my face and a psychopathic clown in my head quarters."

Joker chuckled as Batman turned back to Robin, "I have stupidly let my feelings interfere with my job. Don't do the same with Superboy."

The teen frowned, unsure if he was more unnerved by the fact that he had now knew that the claw marks on Bruce's face had been caused by Joker and could guess that the one tracking Joker's forehead had been inflicted by Bruce, or happy that Joker's comment seemed to have thrown Bruce off his game slightly.

"Ok, I'll be careful." Robin said, glancing over at Joker, the clown tipped an invisible hat as he realised he'd done something to help the conversation along.

Bruce bit his lip slightly, "You are to keep the displays of affection to an absolute minimum when you are in costume. You will be punished if I see anything out of the norm between you while you are dressed as Robin. And as far as anything sexual is concerned I expect you to keep it to a PG-13 level. You are only a teenager and I will not have you doing anything illegal in this house."

"What?" came a shout from the door to the cave, Nightwing had been listening from just out of sight, he'd walked in on the last sentence, and was standing, looking indignant, leaning against the door frame. "That's not fair Bruce,” he said angrily.

Bruce looked over at the young man, "What's not?"

Dick started over towards them, frowning viciously, "He gets a PG-13 warning? When I was his age it was all 'supervision at all times' but he gets PG-13?"

Joker stared up at Batman, "Yeah Batsy, that's not fair,” he smiled, interested to see how the vigilante would correct this.

"It was obviously a mistake to be so harsh with you when you were young. I should have realised it was a mistake."

Joker's smile widened as Batman faltered, "Ohh Batsy, he's gunna want more than just an apology."

"Damn right I am" he gestured towards the clown, showing his agreement, "You can't have one policy for me and another for him."

Batman's face sunk into an annoyed frown, he wasn't sure how he'd got himself into this or how to get out. "I don't have the same type of control over him, I'm not his father."

At that Joker cocked his head, still smiling widely, enjoying the situation unravelling before him, "I didn't think he was your father, Nightwing?"

Dick’s frown hardened and he crossed his arms, he looked over a the clown "He's not-" he turned back to batman, "-you're  _not_  my father, why are you treating us differently?"

"Fine,” Batman's voice grew louder in anger, "Tim. Supervision at all times. Blame Nightwing."

Joker pulled his mouth into a mocking 'o' shape, he gasped, "That seems a bit harsh."

Robin's face grew red as he also started to shout, "You dick, you can't do that! You can't change your mind like that!"

"I can do what I damn well please!"

"Like fuck the Joker?"

Bruce immediately became still, he felt so angry. Joker smiled behind him, holding back titters of laughter, "Well Batsy-boo, looks like you got yourself into a right little pickle here, seems the only way you can fix it is if you go back in time and treat little Dickey-bird a little better."

All three of the vigilantes turned to Joker, simultaneously shouting "Shut up Joker." Joker's face slowly spit into a smile and he started to laugh.

Dick shook his head and sighed, "I knew he'd do something like this. You shouldn't have brought him here, dying or not he's dangerous,” he raised his voice as he spoke, talking over Joker's growing laughter.

Tim looked up at Nightwing, a shocked frown on his face, his anger seemed to have suddenly vanished "Joker's dying? I knew something was wrong, I didn't know he was  _dying_." Joker's laughter grew louder, he started panting and gasping with the effort of it.

Bruce felt a pang of guilt appear in his stomach, he shouldn't have shouted at Joker, he was supposed to be keeping the clown out of stressful situations, not forcing his own anger onto him.

He got to his feet and walked over to the clown, Dick's frown started to soften as he heard his mentor start cooing at Joker, asking if he were alright. Joker nodded, though it was obviously not true, and he was getting worse. Bruce turned back to the two others, "Yes, he's dying, having us shouting at him will only end up making him worse."

.

Joker's laughs quickly turned to coughs and wheezes, Bruce found himself almost holding him up as he convulsed in his arms. "Joker, Joker, calm down, breathe. You're going to hurt yourself."

The two younger men quickly rushed to Batman’s side, offering help. Pain had appeared on Bruce's face as the clown started to choke on his own coughs, struggling for oxygen.

Bruce tried to control the panic that had risen in his throat. "Get me a chair,” he yelled in the general direction of his boys, he heard them scurrying, and felt Joker's weight being lifted from him.

Joker was placed on the computer chair, where he sat trying to stop himself from coughing, trying to slow his breathing. Batman sank to his knees, placing a hand on the clowns shoulder. He eyed him carefully, trying to check his pupils and general colouring for abnormalities. "I'm going to call Dr Mahogany."

He stepped away and pressed the button on his cowl to call the doctor.

"You found him?" Doctor Mahogany sang happily, he'd been worrying; having his most prestigious, and dangerous, patient out on the loose.

"Yes. He's having a fit, he can't breathe properly. I'm bringing him to you,” Bruce said, obvious concern in his voice as he watched Joker refuse a glass of water that Tim was holding out for him.

"No!" the doctor yelled, eyes wide, "Don't move him, don't do anything that might raise his blood pressure or heart rate, put him somewhere comfortable, a bed or something if you can, but don't let him sleep for an hour or so."

"What?" The only beds anywhere near were the ones in the manor, that would mean showing Joker his real home, letting him into his real life.

"Batman,” the doctor squeaked desperately, "This is important, please."

Bruce sighed, noticing the tone of fear in the doctor's voice. Fine, he'd allow it this time, Joker was in such a state he most likely wouldn't even remember what happened. "…Will he be ok?" he asked gingerly as Joker again rejected the drink that was being offered to him.

"Joker take the drink!" Robin almost yelled, holding the glass out shakily.

Joker wheezed an insult at the child, trying to gather himself.

The doctor sighed, "I'd prepare for the worst… Bring him to the hospital once he's feeling better."

Bruce was suddenly overcome with a wash of… something. Sadness? Was it sadness? A lump had quickly formed at the back of his throat; it must be sadness.

"Is there anything I can do? Painkillers or… anything."

The doctor sighed again, "Because of the nature of the aneurisms, it would be unwise."

The vigilante held a hand to his forehead, of course, the aneurisms had been caused by drugs, who's to say they couldn't be worsened by them. Joker's case was unheard of before now; HCP1220 had never had this effect on test subjects.

...Not that there had been very many...

He thanked the doctor and hung up. Joker was getting restless; Tim was insisting he take the drink, saying it would make him feel better. "I said no you stupid child,” the clown said through his coughs, lashing a hand out and almost knocking the glass from the boys hand.

Joker hated being offered help at the best of times, even if it was only Harley offering him help with setting up a trap. Having it forced upon him when he was in a state such as this felt plain wrong, and by that boy no less. He felt his head growing hot with anger; he didn't want these people seeing him like this, so defenceless and incapable. So weak.

"Fuck off!" he yelled to them both as his rasps for air grew more frantic. Batman rushed to his side and ordered the too young ones away. They complied immediately.

Joker felt himself being lifted from the chair, he immediately felt the hard pain that had inhabited him dissipate, his coughs started to slow as the vigilante wrapped his arms around the tiny man and hoisted him up, carrying him like a baby.

Bruce held back a smile as Joker clung to him. "W-What are you doing…?" the clown mumbled quietly, his voice holding that indignant tone that suggested he wasn't happy with Batman's actions. The fact he had looped his arms round Bruce's neck, and had pressed his face against the man's armoured chest seemed to say otherwise.

"I'm taking you to bed,” Batman huffed, aware of the implications of the sentence. He wanted Joker to make fun, hoping it would keep him awake.

Joker let out a weak chuckle, "Now,  _that_ , sounds like a plan…"

Batman started to make his way towards the stairs, towards the house.

Dick reached out a hand to stop the older man, "Batman what are you doing? He'll find out who you are."

Bruce pushed past him, "He already knows… and I'm not going to risk his life over a matter of pride."

Dick squinted unhappily as he watched Bruce make his way up the stairs. "What…?"

Tim shrugged, walking to Dick's side as Batman walked through the door, "I dunno…"

Batman closed the door behind him, he kept glancing down at Joker as he advanced through the house, towards his room.

Joker was glancing round in amazement, he started to chuckle, "Did you see…" he let out a few more small coughs, as his breathing started to return to normal, "How quickly they changed from angry to concerned?"

Bruce nodded as he moved up the stairs, "It means they weren't really angry."

"They weren't?" Joker looked up at the photos and paintings on the walls as they whizzed past; Bruce at various ages, some of Dick, Jason and Tim too, playing happy families.

"No,” Bruce turned the corner, a few strides from his room.

Joker smiled, looking back up into Batman's eyes, "Hypocrites."

"No,” Bruce said again, opening the door to his room and entering.

Joker looked around the room, it was plain; white walls, black carpet, black curtains. There was a large tv on the wall opposite the bed and a laptop on a desk underneath it, there seemed to be very few person items in the room, save the photos on the shelves and clothes at the foot of the bed.

Joker's smile widened as Bruce placed him gently on the soft bed, his head sunk gently onto the pillow as Bruce removed himself and pulled the cover over Joker’s torso.

"If they're not hypocrites then what are they?"

"Young,” Batman turned on the tv and turned it to some new music channel; the more erratic the noise, the less likely Joker was to fall asleep. "You're not allowed to sleep for the next hour, then I'm taking you to the hospital." He turned up the volume slightly.

Joker sat himself up slightly, "I'm not allowed to sleep so you put me in the most comfortable bed in the world? Seems a little dumb…" he looked up at the tv; some teenage boy crooning along, playing a guitar "almost as much as this kid…"

Bruce pulled the chair from the desk and took a seat between Joker and the door; he wanted to be ready in case Joker tried something, not that he could in his current state.

He frowned as the clown coughed again, "…I don't know why I've done this,” he found himself saying. He didn't mean to, the words just came out.

Joker cocked his head, "Done what?"

Bruce hung his head slightly, genuinely ashamed of what he'd done, what he'd caused. "Had… sex with you. I shouldn't have brought you here. I can't believe I did."

The clown tittered to himself, "It's coz' you love me."

Bruce's head jerked up, "What?" he growled. He shook his head "I don't _love_ you."

Joker laughed again, "I'm smart; I know the difference between a baryon and a mason particle, I can tell when someone's in love with me, it's ok Batsy, I love you back."

Bruce frowned, and shook his head, it had caused a stab of anger in Batman, but he forced himself to stay calm "You are a murderer. You have tortured and killed hundreds of people. How could you think I could ever love anyone like you?"

Joker smiled, "You wouldn't have had sex with me if you didn't…"

"Sex is just sex,” Bruce grunted, he couldn't be in love with Joker, it was impossible.

Joker titter, coughing lightly, "Not for you it's not, not for Batman. Bruce Wayne maybe, but not Batman. Batman wouldn't have sex unless there was emotion there too, or else he'd just beat me up. You just needed a little push to make you realise, just like I did."

Batman cocked his head slightly, frown etched deep on his face, "What do you mean?"

Joker shrugged, smiling oddly at the vigilante, "When the guards at Arkham used to… 'have their way' with me. I found myself thinking 'God I wish it were Batman doing this to me.' and so, all this came about."

"You planned this?" Bruce was starting to feel sick at hearing Joker talk about it.

Joker shrugged again and chuckled lightly "Some of it. I needed to create a situation where you could feel the same… except, of course, I'd never let anyone else touch you like that…"

Bruce felt the slight heat of anger rise in him; he had felt so much anguish over this, and it had been designed to do so?

What if this was planned? What if Joker was  _trying_  to make him angry? He had said before that he wanted Batman to be the one who caused his death.

What if _all_  of this was planned? If it was just another one of his plans? Another fucking joke?

He wished he could shout at Joker. Attack him for what he'd done. But he felt frozen in his chair; whatever he did now would kill the clown, he wouldn't kill him.

He shouldn't have let it get this far, shouldn't have let his emotions overtake his mind so easily. Why had he?

He stared angrily at the clown as he took the remote and started flicking through the channels, "You still don't quite get it do you Batsy…? You will soon enough."

Joker eventually settled on a channel; some band Bruce had never heard of, he sighed deeply, letting out a huffed chuckle, "You do know if this hadn't happened then I'd already be dead, right?"

Batman let his head hang. He would be; if Batman hadn't looked into why Joker had been acting so oddly, then the aneurisms would have gone unchecked and Joker would have almost certainly died in some alleyway somewhere.

This was too much. His head was such a mess. He wished none of this had happened.

He opened his mouth, about to say something, although he hadn't quite decided what, but the door squeaked open behind him.

"Batman?" Tim mumbled as he entered the room, Bruce turned his head towards the boy to listen as he spoke.

He shifted uncomfortably, and spoke slowly "Superboy's here. Uh, I wanted to apologise for shouting earlier, I didn't know that… I'm sorry."

Batman felt some of the anger lift from him, talking to the child instantly took his mind from Joker, "It's ok Robin. I'm sorry I shouted too. We both over reacted."

"So," Tim glanced to the floor, rubbing his own arm in an attempt to calm himself, "Y-You're ok with me going out with Superboy?"

Bruce nodded, "Of course, I want you to be happy, just, be careful. I don't want you to get hurt."

Tim smiled uncomfortably, he gestured towards Joker who was still watching tv, "I-is he ok?"

The boys mentor nodded again, "I think so. Don't you have to go?"

Tim nodded, and started to shut himself from the room. As he did so a shout echoed from the hall. "Robin!" Tim flinched slightly at the harshness of Dick's voice.

"Yeah?" he shouted back.

"I told you not to interrupt them. I swear if you don't leave them alone I'm gunna tickle you 'til you piss yourself."

There was a sudden rush of footsteps outside the door and a squealed 'No!' from Tim.

Joker chuckled gently as he listened to the boys laughing outside.

"You have fun here?" Joker asked, he'd never seen this aspect of their family, in the papers they always seemed so calm and collected, out on the streets too. They'd never seemed a normal family.

" _They_  do,” Batman grunted, his mind still elsewhere, "They don't include me. Robin hates me at the moment and Nightwing… " he sighed and shook his head; Nightwing was off limits now, he was too old, and with his state of mind he might take any action the wrong way.

Joker chuckled again, "The kid's going through that 'I hate authority' stage?"

Bruce nodded, Joker smiled widely and chuckled, "Oooh-hoo, I've got an idea…" He took a deep breath, and shouted, in an almost perfect Batman impression, "Kids, make sure you use a condom!"

Joker held back a laugh as Batman's eyes widened, the laughter from the hall had suddenly stopped, and an uncomfortable silence rang in the room.

"Joker,” Batman growled, anger springing up inside him.

Joker let out a titter, "What? You really think I can't imitate you? After all these years."

Bruce pressed down his anger, he repeated in his head what the doctor had said; that any stress would cause the Joker to get worse.

Joker's smile faded slightly as he stared up at Batman, "Come on then… Where's all that anger? I can see it in your eyes, festering back there. Come on, I'm so close…"

Batman sighed and shook his head, "Joker, stop this. I'm not going to shout at you, I need to keep you calm. No matter what you say I'm not going to shout."

Joker shrugged nonchalantly, "This isn't going to work if you don't play along. Please."

He was using that tone again. Joker was pleading with him, it made him sick to do so. Pity filled Bruce, replacing the anger.

The poor man, all he wanted was to pick the nature of his death. But he couldn't, Batman could never do it, he refused.

All he could do was sit by his side and watch him die? There had to be something else…

"I can't."

.

They sat in silence for several minutes, Batman refusing to speak, trying to sort his head out; the same questions repeating in his head. Pondering to himself 'why?'

Joker sat watching the tv, or he _had_  been watching the tv; his eyes had flittered to the pictures on the shelves lining the room, one of them in particular caught his eye.

It was obvious this wasn't going to happen as he had hoped… He may as well try to entertain himself.

"You were a really cute teenager,” the clown finally said, letting out a loud yawn at the end of the sentence.

Bruce raised an eyebrow; asking 'what?' without speaking.

Joker pointed to the picture in the furthest corner of the room. Batman looked over at it. Bruce Wayne aged around 16; hair as long as Dick's, although Bruce had been of a shorter build. He was wearing a much-too-tight shirt and jeans, next to him was a similarly handsome boy with similarly long hair.

"Old boyfriend?" Asked the clown, sounding almost jealous.

"Harvey Dent. Friend,” Bruce said defensively. Joker picked up on the tone, it brought a small smile to his face.

It was as if he had been insulted by the indication, "Not gay then? At all?"

Bruce pursed his lips slightly and shook his head.

"Before me,” Joker stated, as if asking.

Bruce hesitated slightly before he spoke "Before you."

Joker lifted an eyebrow, sensing the pause, did that mean there had been someone else before him? How interesting. "Who else?"

Batman frowned sharply, "No one."

He was telling the truth, there hadn't been. Or at least, no one he'd had sex with, he'd had crushes here and there of course, but that was normal wasn't it? It wasn't gay,  _he_  wasn't gay.

The clown chuckled lightly, "Someone. Alright, don't tell me, I'll guess."

Batman hung his head, he didn't want to play this game. "No one, Joker. Only you,” he said, on the precipice of anger.

Joker let out a small chuckle again, "So… You're angry that no one except me could provoke these feelings in you?"

Bruce again said nothing; he'd hit the nail on the head though, and put it in words so simple.

"And… you're angry about how I did it? If I'd got someone else to do it do you think you'd feel better?"

A shared mental image sparked in their brains, each imagined for a second. Batman being tortured and raped by someone wasn't Joker.

The same small pang of anger rang through them, Bruce grunted unhappily; if he imagined himself and Joker there was no anger anymore, only arousal and this odd feeling of longing. "I wish it hadn't happened at all."

"You" the clown stuttered, he sounded hurt by the statement, he jittered slightly as he talked, not making any attempt to make sense, "You don't mean that… Batman. You don't understand. It needed to happen, or else this wouldn't have happened and you wouldn't know about any of this,” he gestured to himself.

He looked upset; one of his mood shifts, they were becoming a little more frequent… Bruce shifted to the edge of his seat, tensing himself for whatever might happen.

There was a hint of panic in Joker’s voice as he spoke, "I would have died, and you wouldn't have known, I would have just  _faded_  from existence."

Bruce smiled slightly, had this spectacle all been to make sure that people  _knew_  what had become of Joker? So people knew that Joker died from Batman's actions?

For image? Vanity.

Joker glanced away, "You'd hate it if I just disappeared, you'd think I was in some other country causing some unknown terror. Couldn't leave that weight over your head,” he chuckled, "Although it might have been funny; watching you running about trying to find someone who wasn't there."

Watching? Did that mean Joker had some sense of an afterlife?

"I'd hate it just as much,” the clown continued, sounding slightly happier now, "If you disappeared, I wouldn't know what to do. I'd probably just pine myself to death."

Bruce smiled slightly; the clowns existence depending so much on Batman seemed to rival his own.

"Though of course, I'd kill everyone here first…" he noted, sounding just as chipper as he had with the last sentence. "Just to help with my grief."

Bruce frowned, "That wouldn't help."

Joker nodded happily "Yup, it would."

"Because…" Bruce's eyes narrowed thoughtfully "You think that by causing other's pain you're making them share yours?"

The happiness on Joker's face was briefly replaced by confusion "Batsy, baby, please… Trying to analyse me? Better psychologists have tried and died."

Bruce sighed slightly, "I'm just… trying to figure out why it's so important to you. Why you think I should kill you."

Quickly Joker was back to flashing his usual smile, "You think I want to make you share my pain?" he giggled, "Oh you are just  _adorable._  If anything I'm trying to save you pain… Just imagine how much it would hurt you, knowing someone else had killed me. Or even worse; some unknown thing which you were unaware of…" His eyes suddenly seemed cold as they stabbed into Batman's, "Something that you couldn't take revenge on…"

Batman frowned, "I'm not some creature obsessed with revenge," he warily decided to humour Joker's insistence that they were 'meant for each other', only a little, "…I'd get over your death eventually…"

Joker smiled gently, "You are obsessed with  _finishing_. Whether that means revenge or… acceptance, you want to fix what's wrong. Make sure everyone gets what they deserve!" Joker slowly swung his legs over the side of the bed, letting the cover fall from him, adjusting his suit as he talked, as if distracting himself from the seemingly personal nature of the sentence. "Buuutt, you don't know what to  _do_ with me anymore…"

Batman shook his head, not through disagreement, he just wasn't sure how to respond.

"Are you feeling better?" he asked gently, mainly because he didn't want to continue down the path of conversation Joker was leading him.

Joker shrugged, very aware of the change in subject, "I'd be better if you'd let me sleep…"

Bruce smiled gently, he looked over at the clock, it was about 10am, it had been almost an hour.

He did look as if he needed sleep; he had dark circles around his eyes and they looked sunken…. It'd be fine, just for a little bit, and it would be much easier to transfer him to the hospital if he were asleep.

"You can sleep,” Batman grunted. Joker smiled and chuckled gently as he laid himself flat on the bed.

He fluffed the pillow beneath his head, not that it needed it, and curled himself into a ball, "…Don't rape me while I sleep…" he mumbled.

Bruce furrowed his brow, that thought hadn't even entered his mind, why would it. It was as if Joker wasn't fully in control of what he was saying.

Joker smiled, eyes half open, he was drifting off quickly, in a few minutes he'd be fast asleep. "Will you lay with me…?" he asked groggily.

Did he mean that?

"What?" Bruce asked quietly, "What do you mean?" Joker patted the bed next to him; his arms lulled gently as he moved, like he was already half asleep. "Please…" he cooed.

Batman sighed, he hated it when Joker begged like that, something about his voice made him so uncomfortable, it made him want to do what was asked.

"W-why?" Bruce almost stuttered, getting slowly to his feet and moving the steps space to the side of the bed.

Joker made a small movement which looked like it was supposed to be a shrug, "Might be nice…" he managed to say through a yawn.

Batman took a cautious seat on the bed, his heart jumped slightly as Joker tugged at his arm, pulling him closer, Bruce lifted his legs up so he was now sitting on the bed, Joker rubbed his head against Bruce's forearm, clasping onto his hand as if it were a security blanket.

Bruce leant against the headboard, his body stiff as Joker cuddled up against him.

Bruce watched contently as Joker closed his eyes. He watched the clowns chest rise and fall under the covers, concerned by how laboured it seemed.

He sighed as Joker started chuckling, "I can feel how upset you are…" he whispered, smiling.

Bruce glanced down and saw that Joker had worked his finger under Batman's gloves, and was taking his pulse. He frowned and pulled his hand away.

Joker tutted, "…Spoil sport…"

"Just go to sleep,” Bruce grunted in reply.

Joker grunted, eyes still closed, he grabbed back on to Bruce's arm, he placed Bruce's thumb in his mouth, and started sucking on it. Bruce wasn't sure if that was supposed to be a sexual thing or if Joker was just being childish. Most likely the latter.

He looked so small. So insignificant and helpless.

"Why do you do it…?" Bruce said, not realising he had until Joker responded.

"Do what?" his voice slightly muffled as he continued sucking Bruce's armoured thumb.

Bruce shifted again, pulling himself slightly further from Joker's grasp, "Kill people."

The clown smiled as he clung tighter to Batman, not letting him pull away any further. He held Bruce's thumb between his teeth, biting down gently as he talked, "You don't know why?"

Bruce shook his head; Joker knew he didn't, and often made a point of proving that he didn't.

"Well bats… everyone dies eventually, 'least I can do is make sure they've got a fun story to tell."

Batman frowned, Joker made no sense…

"What?"

"After all this. They'll have a fun story of how they were killed by a famous maniac,” Joker was talking lazily, obviously almost asleep.

"But they'll be dead, who could they tell?"

Joker let out a groaned chuckle, "Everyone."

Bruce asked 'What?' again, but Joker didn't respond, he'd fallen asleep.

He frowned to himself: It probably only made sense in his own mind.

But he'd done it again; made some obscure reference to there being some kind of afterlife. Maybe that was part of whatever mental illness he had; some inability to understand that when life ended, it ended.

Maybe Joker thought that there was some other plane of existence after this, just as physically real, but incomprehensible from this one.

Maybe that was true; it was understood that Joker was a genius, that he could understand things no normal human could, maybe there  _was_  some other plane of existence but no other person could see it.

It must be so frustrating for him to have all this knowledge and potential, but be held back by the fact that others couldn't understand.

If only Bruce had met him sooner, met him before he was Joker. He could have helped hone his knowledge and ideas and potential.

Bruce knew how smart Joker was; he'd seen the amount of work that went into his plans and the chemical complexity his toxins. In the right environment Joker could have been so beneficial to the human race.

It was Batman's fault that he wasn't.

Was that what Joker wanted Bruce to understand? That if it weren't for Batman then Joker could have been an amazing asset to the world, instead of the burden he had become?

But Bruce had known that for years, that couldn't be it.

He sighed gently as he heard Joker starting to snore quietly, he slowly tugged himself out of Joker’s arms and scooped him up from under the covers, letting the blanket fall to the floor as he hoisted the clown up.

He carried him from the room and down the stairs, his eyes transfixed on the Joker’s face as he slept; his mouth was hanging open and a small string of saliva hung from his lip, his head wobbling sweetly and his eyelids fluttering slightly with each step Batman took.

He smiled as Nightwing appeared at the bottom of the stairs, he made a 'shh' noise as they continued towards the Batcave.

"Is he ok?" Dick whispered as he followed a step or two behind.

Bruce nodded, still smiling, eyes still on Joker’s face, "For now. I'm taking him to the hospital, do you want to come?"

Dick smiled, "I might join you later; got some Dick-Grayson stuff to do."

"Ok, where's Alfred?"

"He's in the kitchen, he said he didn't want to disturb you,” Dick chuckled, "I think he's scared Joker might try to kill him again."

Bruce smiled, remembering how many times Joker had attacked Wayne manor in the past, realising they were probably not attempts to steal from him, but attempts to get Batman’s attention: Bruce quickly realised that the times Joker had attacked Wayne manor had been when Batman had been distracted by other villains, and hadn't seen Joker for weeks or even months.

"Tell him I've gone out."

It was as if the attacks were Joker's way of saying 'I'm still here, pay attention to me.'

Dick continued trotting along behind Bruce as they descended to the cave. "…This must be really important to you."

Bruce smiled gently as he continued looking upon Joker’s sleeping face, "I don't want him to die if that's what you mean."

They started across the cave floor, Bruce picked up his belt as they passed the computer console, Dick followed along like and annoying puppy. "You showed him into our house, and now you're going out  _during the day_  for him? This goes beyond you just not wanting him to die."

"I don't love him,” Bruce snapped defensively, finally looking up at Dick, frowning.

The younger man raised an eyebrow, seeming a little shocked, "I-I didn't say that you did." He stood looking stunned for a second as Bruce continued towards the Batmobile and unlocked the doors. Dick jumped after him, suddenly curious. "You don't do you? That'd be weird. I'd understand you caring about him, but love? I mean, you can't even say you love  _me,_ not even in a 'father-son' way I-"

"-Shut up Dick,” Bruce snapped again as he placed the snoring clown in the back seat of the car. He turned to face his charge, "Don't you have other things to do…?"

Dick frowned viciously, mouth open in shock and slight disgust, "Oh my god,  _you do_? That's disgusting…" he let out a slight chuckle, "Good luck dealing with that…"

He turned to walk back onto the house, shaking his head as he did.

.

Batman pressed the button on his cowl to call Dr. Mahogany. He picked up almost immediately.

"Please tell me you've got good news,” he said hurriedly.

"He's asleep. I'm bringing him to the hospital."

The doctor sighed with relief, "Ok, I'll make sure a room is ready."

As the car sped towards Dr. Sing's hospital, rather than keeping his eyes on the road, Batman found his eyes on the rear view mirror, on Joker; he was laid on the backseat, groaning gently as he rolled slightly on the seat.

He became so transfixed that he hardly noticed the hordes of people in the street that stared in amazement at the jet black armoured car as it passed.

A frown started to grow on Bruce's face as Joker moved down his newly cuffed hands, slipping into his boxers as his groans stated to grow louder.

He was having a sex dream. This was something Batman hadn't thought of. This would mean Joker would need 24 hour supervision.

"Joker,” Bruce grunted loudly in an attempt to wake the sleeping clown, stop him from going too far.

Joker stretched out slightly and smiled to himself, "Uhhh… yes… Bruce…" Bruce felt himself blush as Joker let out a loud sex groan. He'd called Batman by his real name, that could be problematic.

"Joker, wake up,” he said through the embarrassed smiled that now covered his face.

Joker inhaled deeply as he woke and opened an eye, "H-how did you get over there…?" he said as if he thought he was still in his dream.

He lifted his head, his eyes flicked around the car, "How did I get here? We-we were in the kitchen having… No. No, we were in your bed weren't we…" He shook his head as he tried to gather himself.

Bruce furrowed his brow, unnerved by Joker’s confusion. "You fell asleep, I carried you here. We're going to the hospital… and not a moment too soon by the sounds of it."

Joker looked down as he realised that his hand was wrapped firmly around his penis, he removed his hand, "Oh look at that,” he chuckled, "I damn near almost killed myself."

"You've got to be more careful,” Batman muttered as he pulled the car up to the hospital.

Joker rolled his eyes, "Well I do apologise, _sir_. But I cannot control what I do while I am asleep."

Batman shook his head as he got out of the car, he opened the door for Joker and pulled the clown out by the collar. "You're so undisciplined,” he smiled gently at the clown who let out a small giggle in response.

"One of my most appealing qualities?" the clown asked, a large smile on his face.

Bruce smiled back, he couldn't help it, he swung the car door closed, "No."

The two began the short walk to the hospital, Batman holding Joker by the scruff of his jacket, holding him up.

"Then what is?" Joker grinned as he grabbed onto Batman's waist for support.

Bruce narrowed his eyes, disgusted at the image which entered his head; Joker moaning and cursing as they fucked. "You- I-. You don't have any."

Joker tittered, looking up at Batman, "You're blushing. Hehe, I've made Batman blush!"

As they walked into the hospital they were greeted by a flood of movement; patients rushed away with looks of terror on their faces, nurses following them.

"You,” Batman growled towards one of the nurses that stayed, "Dr. Mahogany said he has a room prepared for the clown."

The short red-headed nurse nodded sheepishly, "Yes, sir, the west wing of the second floor has been closed off for his use."

Batman said nothing else to her; he strode off towards the lift, pulling Joker along with him. The weaker man flailed along behind him, struggling to keep up, or keep on his feet.

"Jesus Batsy, slow down, I'm about a second away from faceplanting the floor,” Joker chuckled as Batman slowed slightly, he stopped when they reached the lift.

"So…" Joker said, smoothing his suit, "You're still going to do that 'professional in public' thing? I think you wrecked that plan when Moggy walked in on us."

"Nobody else knows, and they don't have to,” Batman grunted, pulling Joker into the lift and closing the doors behind them.

Joker glanced around the small lift, no cameras, "We're alone now… You could lift me up, or we could just do it on the floor…?"

Batman sighed, pulling Joker closer to him, he did this so that Joker wouldn't try to run when the doors opened, but Joker took it as an act of intimacy, he pressed into Batman and groaned lightly, turning his head to give Batman a small kiss.

Bruce kissed back gently, just to stop Joker’s sensual groans echoing through the lift, "Joker, we're not going to have sex, especially not here."

Joker shrugged, "That's what you said last time, but still we ended up…" he leant in for another kiss, this time Batman didn't reciprocate.

The lift doors swung open and Batman pulled Joker from the lift, "Stop it,” he grunted as they turned into what Bruce assumed was the Joker's new room; it was the only one with the light on and people inside.

"Oh, do I have to Batsy…" Joker cooed, paying no attention to the two doctors in the room; Dr Mahogany and Dr Sing both stood talking at the foot of the bed. It seemed that Batman and Joker had walked in on an argument.

Dr Sing was frowning angrily, "I cannot, in all good conscious, close this wing of the hospital for more than two days."

Dr Mahogany sighed unhappily, pleading "Dr. Sing, please, just until he has his operation."

"We've given up 30 beds. This is a place for sick people, not a holding centre for maniacs! He belongs in Arkham!"

Joker cast his gaze to the floor, Batman could sense him tensing, he was obviously daunted by idea of going back to the cold grasp of Arkham.

Batman took a step forward, "I don't trust Arkham."

Both doctors turned to Batman, "But what? You trust me?" Dr Sing interjected.

"I trust you to do what is best for your patient, no matter who he is or what he's done."

Bruce was surprised to feel Joker's tethered hand slide into his own as he talked, he looked over at the clown.

Dr Sing sighed in defeat, his frown softened, "I can't leave this whole wing closed."

"I'll stay,” Batman grunted, still looking at Joker as the clown squeezed his hand.

Both doctors seemed to become a little confused, "How will that help us?"

"I'll stop him from acting out." Batman turned back to the doctors. "You can move people back into this wing, but not the rooms next door, or opposite."

Mahogany smiled smugly, "That seems like a fair compromise to me."

Dr Sing sighed again "Fine. But if that clown lays a finger on any of my staff or patients… If that aneurism doesn't kill him then I will."

With that, he stormed out.

Joker smiled widely, suddenly happy, he leapt from Batman’s side onto the bed. Batman jolted in surprise as he did, scared he was going to make a run for it. Bruce swiftly grabbed the handcuff which held the clown and hooked it too the bed. It was a useless action, he knew Joker had escaped from this position so many times before; he would dislocate his thumb so he could manoeuvre his hand out of the cuffs.

Joker chuckled, "Oh calm down Batsy… I'm not going to leave you,” he cooed, pouting his lips cutely. "All I wanted was your attention. And now I've got it! 24-7 till the day I die!" he giggled loudly as he pulled the cover over himself and snuggled into bed.

"Are you sure you'll be able to do that, Batman?" Dr Mahogany asked, paying no attention to Joker as he undressed himself under the sheets, pulling a the sospital gown over his head.

"Yes,” Batman said bluntly, taking a seat at the foot of Joker’s bed. "I'll need back the earpiece I gave you."

"I. Umm. Ok, I'll go get it,” the doctor said, he quickly left the room and walked towards his temporary office.

Joker smiled down at the Bat as the vigilante stared up at him.

He spent several seconds surveying his face, "You mean that?"

Batman nodded, saying nothing.

Joker's smile widened, "This will be good. Just you and me until I die? Fantastic!"

"Not just me,” Batman said bluntly. "Robin and Nightwing as well. Just to make sure you don't escape."

The clown let out an 'aww' of disappointment, "Why not just you?"

"Because other matters may need my attention. You, unfortunately, are not the only villain in Gotham."

Joker rolled his eyes and scoffed, "I think I'm more than enough for you to handle."

He smirked, "Then again… I saw the way you were walking, maybe I am a bit _too much_ for you."

Bruce frowned, "I can cope with you perfectly fine in every sense. My Robins, they're more to help with the others, around you they become more of a hindrance."

"So I'm too much for them?" The clown chuckled, "Good to know."

"It's nice to have allies."

Joker blew a raspberry, "Allies are overrated."

"You have Harley."

"Hah! Harley? An ally? She's a lapdog. A little sex toy who makes me the occasional cup of tea."

"That's a horrible thing to say."

He chuckled again, "Oh look at you, taking the moral high ground. At least my kid doesn't have a raging hard on for me. At least Harley knows where she damn well stands."

Bruce frowned harshly, "I've tried- With Nightwing, I've tried telling him. But he doesn't want to accept it."

"You should read some of those parenting books. I bet at least one of them will tell you what to do if your adopted son wants to fuck you."

"Shut up,” Batman growled.

"Fine then," Joker said in mock annoyance, "I'll just go to sleep… I'm tired anyway."

Batman watched as Joker settled himself in his bed, turning his head to one side and closing his eyes.

He was going to sleep? Already? They had hardly even begun talking.

The man really was ill.

Bruce had noticed something that made his heart sink. Joker's eyes were fading, sinking inward, they no longer had their sharpness, there was no fire, no heat in his eyes.

Joker, always an insomniac. Joker, who never played by logic. Joker, who Bruce hated.

He lay in front of him, asleep.

Genuinely asleep.

Batman had never been so daunted by the idea of sleep. 'The Joker, asleep', was there an odder thing?

He watched Joker's chest rise and fall, after a short while small grunted snores started to come from him. Batman smirked at the noises, becoming slightly entranced by the repetition of them, he jumped slightly as Dr Mahogany re-entered the room.

The doctor looked over at the Joker, "He's asleep? Already?" he chuckled lightly, "he must really trust you, to sleep in front of you."

Bruce raised an eyebrow; why would Joker  _trust_  him? "What do you mean?" he said, trying to sound uninterested.

The doctor took a seat next to Batman, he seemed astonished to be doing so, - who'da thought, he was sitting and talking with Batman, this seemed like a dream.

"When he was younger," the doctor started. Batman rolled his eyes, was Dr Mahogany just another sap who Joker'd tricked.

"You know he lies about his childhood,” Batman said bluntly.

Moggy nodded and smiled, "I measure Joker's life from when he became Joker. In my version of things, he's only about 20."

That was an odd way of thinking.

The doctor jumped violently, almost falling from his chair, Batman wondered why, until he noticed that Joker had woken, and was staring at the young doctor with cold, stabbing eyes.

"Get. Out,” the clown grumbled angrily.

The doctor scrambled away, Batman readied himself to jump at Joker; if he'd had another mood change…

Joker laughed, "What happened to doctor-patient confidentiality? Gone out the window with chivalry?"

"Do you not want me knowing?" Batman asked; Joker apparently trusted him enough to sleep in front of him, but not tell him why?

Joker shrugged, "I dunno, I just…" he shrugged again, his eyes flitted away, he began staring out of the window.

He wasn't looking at anything in particular, just not looking at Batman.

"Why not?" Bruce scoffed slightly at Joker's reluctance to talk, he was normally rather open about almost everything, it was almost amusing to find something he didn't want to talk about.

Joker smiled widely, the anger had, again, quickly disappeared.

"It's not time yet."

.

Joker slept through most of the day, jumping awake whenever anyone beside Batman entered the room. Bruce could see why it was thought that Joker never slept.

Batman sat and watched him for almost 9 hours, during that time they shared only around half an hour of conversation that went beyond jokes and insults.

Batman managed to gather that in the first year of Joker’s existence as The Joker he was taken to a hospital, the doctors there had tried to give him various treatments for his illnesses and physical abnormalities, but the anaesthetic they used hadn't affected him. He'd sat through an 4 hour operation to rectify a problem with one of his kidneys, while fully conscious and able to feel everything.

"That sounds horrendous,” Batman gasped, he could feel a lump of nausea forming in his throat, "Did they not realise you were still conscious?"

Joker smiled, letting out a huffed chuckle, "About half way through, when I opened my eyes, by that point it was too late to turn back."

Batman screwed his face up in distaste, "That must have been… horrible. How could you go through that?"

"Well I didn't know any better; that may have normal for all I knew… Plus I was a  _little_ crazy so that kinda helped."

Batman shook his head, to have lived through that… no wonder Joker was mad.

Joker chuckled again, "That's not the worst thing I've lived through. Not even the second worst!"

How could someone have suffered worse than that and not died?

"What was…?" Batman asked hesitantly; he almost didn't want to know.

Joker rolled his eyes, "I'd rather let your imagination run wild on that one… Just know it had something to do with paperclips."

The conversation fizzled out when a nurse came in to check Joker's vitals.

It was around 11 pm when Batman got a call from Nightwing. Joker's eyes lit up when he heard the buzzing coming from Batman's cowl.

"Oooh Batsy, it's Nightwing calling for a quicky!"

Batman put the call on hold. "How did you even guess? About Nightwing."

Joker shrugged, "Not too hard. The kid hangs on your every word."

Bruce frowned, "And then I assumed you  _knew,_  even though you were only guessing."

"Yeah…" Joker smiled as Batman pressed the button on his cowl to take the waiting call. "You're so stupid…"

Bruce waved his hand to get Joker to be quiet, "Nightwing."

"Batman. What kept you! Bane's fucking escaped again!"

Batman jolted upright, "What?"

Joker clapped a hand to his mouth "What's happened?"

"Bane,” Batman said shortly. Joker furrowed his brow; sounded like Batman would have to leave soon than intended…

Nightwing continued to explain the situation"There was a cartel delivery, east docks. We were surveying, he just appeared, and started attacking everyone!"

"Send Robin here, try to keep him under control, I'll be there as soon as I can."

Batman started pacing nervously as he waited for Robin; he was nervous about fighting Bane, and about leaving Tim alone with Joker.

Even though he was weak, he could still probably overpower the child. It had happened before.

"You'll be fine Batsy, stop stressing your pretty little head,” Joker smirked. "I mean, just because Bane's almost killed you 2, 3? times before. Doesn't mean it'll happen tonight."

Batman stopped, turning his head towards Joker, "Stop it, you're not helping."

Joker chuckled, "I'm not trying to. I'm trying to psych you out."

"Stop it,” Batman snapped.

The clown pouted, "Aww. Well then, how about a kiss for good luck?"

Batman shook his head, "No,” he growled.

"I'm gunna punch your kid in the face if you don't,” Joker said threateningly.

Bruce let out a deep sigh, "You'll probably end up punching him anyway."

"Oh come on, just one little kiss…  _please,” Joker_ cooed, holding his arms out to Batman like a toddler wanting to be picked up.

Batman huffed, he took a small step towards the begging clown, "Promise you will behave while I'm gone."

"I p-r-omise!" he squealed slightly as Batman advanced towards him, as if he were about to be given a present he'd wanted for years.

Joker wrapped his free hand around Batman’s neck as the vigilante leaned in to give him a quick and gentle kiss. Though through Joker's hand it turned into a longer kiss, Batman moaned gently and ran his gloved hand through Joker’s hair, he could feel Joker smiling into the kiss, he found himself smiling back…

There was a short knock on the door, Batman practically leapt back, into the wall. "Yes?" he mumbled, wiping his mouth on the back of his hand.

Doctor Mahogany opened the door, though he didn't enter. "Batman? There's a child here looking for you."

Robin pushed past the doctor, walking to Batman, "Nightwing really needs help. You should go, now."

Batman glanced over at Joker; the clowns face was flushed as a result of their kiss, Bruce could tell his own was too. "Ok. Stay with Joker, make sure he doesn't leave the room, I'll be back once Bane is subdued,” he started towards to door, "Be good,” he growled at Joker as he left.

Joker smiled at the door as Batman closed it behind him, "I have to be on my best behaviour, or else he'll cut me off."

"Cut you off from what…?" Robin asked, narrowing his eyes.

Joker grinned widely as the child took Batman's seat at the foot of the best.

"Take a guess, kid…"

Robin's mouth twitched in discomfort, he struggled to not say 'eww'.

The clown let out a small chuckle, "Oh calm down boy. I'll have you know that what we are doing is no different to you and that super-spawn."

Tim leant forward slight, feeling a mixture of disgust and confusion, "How the hell is it anything like the same? We're completely different. I am not some stone cold vigilante and Superboy is not some criminal drug addict, we are not mortal enemies and he has not killed hundreds of people."

Joker shrugged, "Two people falling in love. How different can the two stories be?"

The young boy suddenly stopped, his face dropping into a confused frown.

"…And I'm not a drug addict,” the clown added.

"D-Did you just say you were in love,” the boy nearly whispered.

Joker shrugged again, "I guess. No big."

Robin frowned again, "How the hell can you be in love? And how can you say that it's not a big thing?"

"It's just an emotion. Emotions are nothing."

Robin shook his head, "How can  _you_  of all people say that? You are one of the most emotionally driven people I know of. You do whatever you want based on your  _emotional_ whims."

The older man chuckled, "Yes I let my emotions guide my actions, but that doesn't mean they're important. It's naïve to think otherwise …"

"So, I'm naïve to think that love matters?"

Joker nodded, folding his arms, as if he'd already won the argument. "In short."

Tim crossed his arms in answer, his voice dropped slightly as he spoke, becoming more serious and defensive. "At least my love is reciprocated."

Joker threw his head back and laughed "Oh! Low blow! It is reciprocated, he's just a bit cold."

"…Don't I know that…" the young boy mumbled.

Joker smirked slightly, finally… "It's not his fault. It's mine really."

Robin frowned "…How's it your fault?"

Joker shifted forward on the bed, he wasn't used to sitting still for this long; it was making his legs go numb.

He noticed the teen straighten himself up as he did so, he thought Joker might be about to make a jump for it, but why would he? The conversation was just getting good!

"Well, I take so much of his time and energy, he has no time for the emotional needs of little kiddies. He has to be emotionally distant in case I decide I want to kill you, I don't think he could handle that again,” Joker sent a cold smirk at the boy, Robin let out a small huffed sigh.

The smile on Joker's face warmed slightly, "Because of me he's had to repress his emotions, to think more logically."

Joker noticed Robin's eyes drop to the floor. "It's ok though; give it four or five days and I'll be dead, you'll have him all to yourself…"

Robin lifted his eyes back to Joker's, "I'm sorry,” he said quietly.

"For what? Everybody dies. I'm just happy I got to have my time with him before I go,” Joker said, smiling widely, though it didn't look sincere.

"He'll miss you… I think." Robin said, sensing the tinge of sadness in the clown's voice.

Joker chuckled lightly, "I know he will. I can tell by how he _kisses_  me,” he put a slickly sweet inflection on the sentence that made Robin almost shiver.

The child flared his nostrils, the mental image of the two men kissing made his stomach flip…

Joker smirked, he was having fun now, "I'm going to miss his kisses, he always tastes like  _apples._ And how he kinda holds my head, like he never wants to stop…" He would have continued talking like this, but he could feel heat starting to rise in him; he wanted to embarrass Robin, not himself… "So what's your boy's  _approach_ to it?"

"I'm not going to tell you that." Robin said, his body hunched slightly, defensively.

Joker shifted in the bed again, struggling to make himself comfortable, "Sounds to me like you're having problems? Superboy too quick for you is he? Or are you?"

Robin's mouth dropped open in disgust, but Joker continued talking, the clown furrowed his brow in thinking, "Out of you two, who tops and who bottoms? I'm guessing superboy tops, he seems like that type. And I suppose, you are one of Batsy's kids; you're used to taking orders and such? Yeah, you're the bottom, definitely."

Robin couldn't stop his insides from squirming, "Oh my god shut up,” he said through his teeth.

"Not gunna tell me?" Joker said, realising Robin was near the end of his tether, "Don't you trust uncle Joker?"

Robin raised himself to his feet, "Of course I don't fucking trust you! You dislocated my shoulder a few weeks ago remember? You're a worthless criminal, all you do is hurt people, I have no fucking idea what Batman sees in you."

Robin put a finger to his ear, calling Batman, "Batman, please," he almost whimpered, "I don't know how much longer I can stand this man."

"Just a little while longer Robin, we're almost done here."

Joker fidgeted excitedly, raising his hand like a child, "Oh, oh, tell Batman I say hi!"

Robin gave Joker his best imitation of a batman-glare, "Please hurry up Batman…"

He hung up.

"Aww, you didn't tell him I said hi!"

"I'm not here to help you, I'm here to stop you from escaping." Tim took his seat, determined to stay in this room until Bruce got back.

Joker rolled his eyes, "You couldn't stop me if you tried. I'm not going to leave because I don't want to, I want to see Batman watch me get weak and sick and die."

The colour seemed to drain from his face, "W-Why would you want that? You're only going to hurt him. Why would you do that?"

A hard smile appeared on Joker's face, "Because it will help him."

Tim frowned, his mouth still hanging half open.

Joker let out a huffed chuckle, "It'll do more good than bad. Just wait, you'll see."

"Hard to see it at the moment." Robin said coldly.

Joker smiled, "Me dying will force him to accept emotions that he doesn't want to admit he has. It will help him."

Robin smiled slightly, "So you're going to force him to realise he loves you. By dying. That seems counterproductive."

"Only for me,” Joker smirked, he'd started to gaze around the room; he was becoming a bit bored, "Do you know where the tv remote is?" he said as he shifted in his bed.

Robin quickly found and handed Joker the remote. He wasn't sure what Joker was doing, he'd never known the clown to do something that wasn't for his own benefit. He wasn't sure if what he was doing was selfish or not.

It was odd whatever it was.

Robin sat in silence as Joker flicked through the channels. He stopped on an old episode of the Simpsons, exclaiming "Oh this one again, I love this one!"

"How can you watch this? You're dying, and you're watching cartoons?" Tim said, frowning in confusion.

Joker shrugged, "Why not? Everything else I wanted to do in my life I've done."

Robin's face continued to contort in confusion at Joker’s content.

"Don't you think you could do something a little more worthwhile?"

Joker scoffed, not taking his eyes from the tv, "Oh you silly little bird, I'm not like you, I don't feel the need to make up for the lack of attention I received from whomever by trying to save the world or whatever shit it is you do when you're not fucking that superchild."

Tim ran his fingers through his hair and shook his head, "Jesus Christ… There is just no talking to you is there? I asked a simple question and you do everything but give me an answer."

Robin fumed silently as Joker ignored the teen (the fun little thing that he was). The door swung open and Batman entered without a word, Nightwing followed but wasn't nearly as quiet.

"Hey rob, did everything go alright?" Nightwing asked as Robin got to his feet.

"No, this guy is a dick, I don't want to have to do this again. I'd rather fight bane." Robin walked to the door and slammed it behind him as he left the room.

Batman frowned at Joker, "What did you do?"

The clown smiled and chuckled lightly "Go and ask him yourself."

Batman shook his head and left the room, leaving Nightwing to watch over Joker.

.

Batman chased after Robin as the boy dashed up the stairs, "Robin,” he shouted, dashing up two flights of stairs to catch up to him.

He grabbed him by the shoulder, "Robin…" Tim turned to meet him.

"I'm gunna go to Kon's…" he mumbled, trying to pull himself from Bruce's grip, but the vigilante's hand only tightened.

"Robin. I want you to be able to talk to me, not just go running to Superboy's every time something's troubling you,” Batman tried to sound upbeat, but he was becoming really concerned by Tim's behaviour.

Robin cast his eyes to the floor, unable to look into Bruce's eyes "I- I can't. I can't talk to you."

"What? What did he say?" Batman said, beginning to lose patience, he'd almost had enough of Tim's childish antics.

"He… started talking about stuff. Just making me uncomfortable for the sake of it…" Tim's voice trailed off, he didn't wish to divulge more than he had too about exactly what the conversation had made him feel.

"If Joker said something about me, I can promise it is not true,” he knew what Joker could be like; putting people on edge to the point of making them lose their minds. It was his party trick.

Tim let out a slight, nervous, chuckle, still not looking Batman in the eyes. "No, he. It wasn't about you, not really, I don't even know if he did it on purpose."

Bruce frowned, "Robin, what did he say?"

"He started to talk about me and Kon… intimate stuff."

Nightwing spent almost the whole of the next day watching over Joker, he sat and texted on his phone, with his feet lifted on the bed. Batman didn't know he had his phone with him, if he did he'd kill him.

Bruce and Tim had talked, and had then decided to spend a bit of time together, they'd said that almost 6 hours ago, Nightwing was starting to get worried.

Dick tried to talk with Joker, just to keep him from getting restless, but the conversation kept turning back to Batman. Something Dick didn't want to talk about.

Joker crossed his legs, lounging back lazily with his hands behind his head. He let out a loud sigh, "Well then Dickybird" he had said within the first minute, "looks like I've got you all to myself…"

"…Yay." Nightwing grunted listlessly.

Joker rolled his eyes, "I'm not too thrilled about it either. I'd rather have my Batman by my bed."

Nightwing frowned gently, walking to the lone seat at the foot of the bed. "Well you'll have to make do with me."

"Yes, yes. Second best is better than nothing… I suppose you  _do_  have a nice arse, nothing compared to my big bad bat's, of course,” Joker said, smiling widely.

Nightwing let out a huffed grunt, glancing briefly towards his own behind. "Joker,” he growled.

"Oh, you never did get the bat-growl right either. Yours is like an angry kitten, Batman’s can turn your legs to  _jelly_ ,” the clown hummed gently, remembering the noise that escaped Batman's lips all too many times. "Mmm, turns me on just thinkin' about it."

Quickly Dick had stopped the conversation. He felt the same though…

Ten minutes later he began again.

He put his hand to his chin, "Why," he began to ask, speaking slowly, "Do I get the feeling that you don't like me…?"

Nightwing glared at Joker, a small hint of sadness sketched on his features. Why was Joker asking such stupid questions? He should know why Dick didn't like him, it was so obvious.

"Is it 'coz good ol' daddy bats is gay? And gay for me of all people! Doesn't seem so  _good_  now does he?" Joker cooed gently, pouting mockingly.

Nightwing could feel his temper starting to rise, but tried to quell it, Joker wanted to make him angry, but Dick wouldn't give in. "Just because he likes having sex with  _clowns_  doesn't make him a bad person."

Joker chuckled loudly, "Oh he doesn't just like it he  _loves_ it."

Nightwing frowned as a pang of angst slid in his chest, "Quiet, Joker."

Joker's smile grew, "You're upset because he's  _mine_  now. You had your chance and  _screwed_  it, and not in the same way  _I_ screwed mine,” he let out a loud chuckle.

Nightwing sat in silence, knowing that he couldn't leave the room, but knowing that if he continued talking then Joker would goad him into hitting him.

Joker tilted his head gently, "Oh? Have I hit a nerve there?"

"Simply because I refuse to  _kidnap_ and _rape_ my romantic interest doesn't mean I 'screwed my chance'." Nightwing was unable to stop himself from defending himself.

Joker chuckled deeply, Dick frowned and said he didn't want another chance, not with Batman, Bruce had made his feelings perfectly clear, he was going to try to put them behind him.

Though that would be hard.

He'd look over every now and then and Joker's head would be lulling as he began to fall asleep, jolting awake after a few seconds.

He looked very obviously ill. Batman was supposed to 'love' Joker, but while he needed him most he was off doing something else?

"Joker… You know you can sleep if you need to,” Dick said after Joker jumped awake for the 5th time.

The clown shook his head, his eyes unfocused through lack of sleep, just shaking his head made him feel dizzy, "No, not here…" he slurred in tiredness, before leaning towards Dick, his hand on his chin, "Who are you texting, Dickybird?"

Nightwing shrugged, not responding with words. Joker raised an eyebrow, "Girlfriend?"

"Flash, if you must know,” Dick mumbled, as if it were something to be ashamed of.

Joker let out a short 'aww', "Boyfriend then…"

"He's not my boyfriend,” Dick said sharply, tearing his eyes from Joker as he got yet another text from Wally, this one saying 'LOL, u poor sap ;)'.

Joker narrowed his eyes slightly, there had been a tone of disappointment there in the young man's voice. "Leave some for the rest of us, it's not fair if you're going after every meta-human around; first Batman, now Flash, what next?  _Manhunter?_ "

Joker huffed slightly when Dick didn't respond, "What happened with Flash?" he finally asked, "When you were younger you spent all your time together. Then suddenly he's gone?"

"We're still friends. Hence the texting." Nightwing mumbled, not wanting to divulge too much. They had been romantically involved for a short time, but Wally had cut it off, saying that he didn't want to be second to Bruce in Dick's mind. Wally had begun spending less time with Dick, he'd had to spend more time at home after his uncles death. Dick had tried to help out, but Wally simply didn't want it. He'd said he didn't want the stress of a relationship piled onto of everything he was already going through, and eventually, apart from the occasional mission together, they had stopped seeing each other all together.

"You want to be more?" Joker asked gently, smiling slyly.

Nightwing scowled at Joker, again not responding, he turned his body slightly, facing away from the clown, focusing on his phone.

"Batman will have your head if he finds out you've got your phone out,” Joker said after a couple of minutes, talking now only to stop himself falling asleep.

"So?" Nightwing said coldly, not taking his eyes from the phone.

Joker smiled, "So you're putting your want to talk to Flash over approval from Batman,” he winked, "You want him."

Dick finally pulled his eyes from his phone, "Or maybe I just don't want to be bored out of my skull?"

"Didn't used to bother you: remember that time he had you watch my cell in Arkham for 10 hours?" Joker said as he shifted in his bed, pulling gently at his cuffs.

Dick's eyes flittered back to his phone, "Well I've changed since then."

The clown smiled, "Yes, now you like Flash more than Batman."

Nightwing frowned again, waiting for Wally to text him again, holding the phone limply in his hand, "Neither of them are interested, so why does it matter?"

Joker chuckled, "Oh yeah, ginger-boy  _doesn't_ want to get in your pants. Rich."

Dick jumped as Joker flung himself forward, grabbing the phone from him, quickly cowering in the corner of the bed holding the item. "Oi!" the younger man yelled.

"One second,” Joker said, hiding the phone in his hands, typing a few words. "There you go…" he smiled, handing the phone back.

"What did you do?" Dick asked angrily, looking through the phone.

He'd sent a text to Wally, who was still marked as KF in the phone. Joker smiled widely, giggling to himself as Nightwing read the text, 'Do you want to fuck?'.

Nightwing frowned sharply, "Oh my god!" he roared, "You bastard!"

Joker laughed loudly, excitement growing inside him as he readied himself for a punch up. But it didn't come, Nightwing sat back down on his chair, fuming as he sent a text of apology to Wally.

Joker pouted, "If you were Batman I would have lost a bunch of teeth just then…"

"I'm not Batman,” Dick scowled, texting frantically, "He's told us not to hurt you. I don't want to be responsible for your death. Now shut up."

"What you gunna do if I don't? You can't hit me…" Joker tittered, Nightwing ignored him.

"So what did he say back...?" Joker asked tentatively.

Nightwing stared up at the clown, a hard frown on his face, "He's not replied."

"What do you want him to say back?" Joker asked as a small smile grew again on his face.

Nightwing shrugged, his eyes darting away, "…dunno,” he mumbled gently.

"Do you perhaps want him to say yes?" The clown cooed almost mockingly.

"Shut up." Nightwing glared at the clown. He did want him to say yes. He knew it was time for him to try and get over Bruce, it had been a long time coming, too long. And Dick did love Wally, had done for years. There had been a constant battle in Dick's head between the two.

It seemed that now, Wally was winning.

Dick's phone suddenly buzzed, Joker jumped at the noise and squealed with laughter, "What's it say?"

Nightwing looked down at the phone, "H-He's calling me."

He stared at the phone, and waited for it to ring off.

"Why didn't you answer?" Joker smiled, crossing his legs and grasping hold of his ankles, rocking back and forth where he sat. This was brilliant, so much fun, like being at a sleepover or something.

Nightwing blushed slightly, "I wouldn't know what to say."

One of Joker's eyebrows twitched upwards, "Try the truth?"

"Why do you even care?" Nightwing said, waving his hand dismissively.

"Because it'll stop you from hurting my darling bat,” Joker growled a little as he talked, as if it were a threat.

Nightwing felt a pang of angst in his stomach, "I'm not trying to hurt him. I can't help feeling what I do."

"You're so dense…"Joker growled angrily. "…Look here bird boy. The only person who's allowed to cause  _my_  bat pain is me."

"Shut up Joker. Don't make me sedate you." Nightwing said, smiling despite his harsh tone.

Joker's mouth dropped into a comical 'O' "Nuh-uh, can't do that. Bat's will be awful mad if you kick my bucket for me,” he chuckled darkly. "You know, if you weren't such a pussy he probably would have picked you."

"I'm not a pussy!" Nightwing said angrily, he let out a silent sigh and forced a smile onto his face, "Go on then, tell me, in your _grand_ mind, why? Why do I have no shot with Batman?"

Joker shrugged, "Oh I don't know If I feel like telling you now… Oh alright,” he chuckled, "Firstly, he loves me. Second, you're his adopted son- I mean seriously? How messed up are you? Third, you and him don't work as a couple. As a team you're great, but Batman needs someone who'll challenge him, in every way, not some lackey-slave-lapdog who he can go to for a quick fuck."

"How can you challenge him in ways I can't?" Nightwing said, forcing himself to stay calm and play along.

"You always do what he wants. I don't. You let him think, I  _make_  him think. Subtle differences that make him love me not you. You're better off with that speed-freak."

Nightwing shook his head, the clown was either trying to make him angry or trying to give him some, very bad, advice. He looked down at his phone. "Oh god…" he mumbled; he'd just got a text from Wally.

"Is he pissed you didn't answer?" the clown chuckled, holding his head up at an odd angle, trying desperately to see the screen of the phone.

Dick hid the screen, the text simply saying 'Dude, call me.'

He wanted to call him, explain what had happened, but he couldn't do with Joker in the room, it would be a hazardous conversation without having Joker chiming in.

"He wants me to call him, but I can't."

"Why?"

"I don't want people listening in on my conversation."

Joker tittered loudly, "You mean  _me?"_  He shifted in his bed, bringing himself closer to Nightwing, "It's ok, I promise I'll be quiet, I wouldn't wanna miss this…" He wrung his hands together and chuckled.

Nightwing lifted an eyebrow, "You doing things like that doesn't inspire confidence."

Joker chuckled again, it wasn't supposed to, it was supposed to make him uncomfortable.

He glanced up at the clock, Batman had been gone for 9 and a half hours now. He was so bored. He only had a few days left and he was wasting them here? A sudden want for Batman flooded him, he wanted to spend his last days with Batman, not his stupid kid.

He wanted Batman.

He wanted to talk to Batman, make him understand, make him kill him, he had to get Batman here, or else everything would fall apart. This wasn't supposed to go like this. It wasn't supposed to take this long.

"Well you know… We could go up to the roof? It's windy up there, so I won't be able to hear you, and I'll still be handcuffed so I won't be able to escape…"

Nightwing chuckled loudly, small lines appearing around his eyes as he did.

"W-what?" Nightwing choked, still laughing, "After this many years of fighting, you actually expect me to fall for that?"

Joker shrugged "Not really. But I want a cigarette, and they won't let me smoke in here."

"You don't smoke." Nightwing almost snapped, Joker tried to pull himself out of the bed, but the handcuffs held him in place, unable to even make his feet touch the floor. "Joker stop it, don't make me get Batman."

"Oh please do, I could use a blow job about now!" Joker said, struggling with the clinking handcuffs.

Nightwing got to his feet, "Joker I said stop it. I don't want to hurt you."

Joker tugged at the handcuffs roughly, they started to dig painfully into his wrists. Dick held a hand to his ear, "Batman, quick, Joker's acting out,” he said quickly, Batman responded with a simple 'ok'.

Joker grunted as he pulled at the cuffs, contorting his arm to try to pull his hand from its tether.

"Come on,” Joker said, his voice filled with frustration as he pulled and ground against the cuffs, if was almost as if he would pull his own hand off to get free.

Dick's heart started to race, what had caused this? What should he do? He rushed to the bed and pushed Joker down, pinning him to the bed, blood was starting to come from his wrist where the cuffs had cut into them.

"Joker, stop!" Nightwing shouted, holding the clown still as he continued to struggle, he'd started kicking into the air, Nightwing clambered on top of the frail man to stop him from hurting himself.

The clown began to stop struggling and Dick crushed into him.

"That's enough Joker, what's gotten into you?" Nightwing said unnecessarily loud; his face hovering only inches from Joker's own.

Joker suddenly forced his head upwards and planted a soft kiss on Dick's lips, making him jump backwards, falling off of the bed.

Joker began hollering with laughter as Dick wiped his mouth, growling "You bastard, that's disgusting."

Joker sat back on the bed, seeming now completely calm, still laughing as Dick stood back up. "I got you,” he said, smiling widely.

Nightwing spat, "Yuck…"

Joker smiled widely, looking down at his mutilated wrist and tutting, stupid body; having limits less than his mind. "Batman doesn't seem to mind."

Dick frowned at the state of Joker’s arm; blood dripping from the hand cuffs, dribbling down his limb. He found a pack of tissues and dragged them along the man's arm to pick up the blood.

Joker giggled gently as Nightwing mopped up the blood, the vigilante was still frowning harshly. "You made me call Batman for nothing…"

.

Batman watched as a nurse cautiously stitched up the long cut on Joker's wrist. "You didn't have to do this,” he growled in confusion, "If you wanted me here you just had to ask Nightwing to call me."

Joker blew a raspberry, chuckling as the nurse flinched at the noise. He looked up at Batman and gave a large smile. "I could have, but then I wouldn't have got to kiss him."

Bruce turned his head to Dick, who was leaning against the wall, seeming to almost cower as Joker mentioned the action. Bruce furrowed his brow, "You two kissed?"

Dick held his hands up defensively, he shook his head, he looked sick, "Not my idea Batman."

Nightwing was so happy that Tim wasn't here, he'd get so much shit for this if that kid found out.

Batman looked back at Joker, the clown smiled brightly at the nurse as she packed her things up and walked out of the room, mumbling a goodbye as she did. Joker's gaze switched to Batman, "She's pretty don't you think? Lovely little blonde. Perfect for you Batsy."

"What?" Batman said, glancing quickly at the door to make sure the nurse had closed it.

Joker shrugged, tittering gently, "She's caring, has a nice voice, she  _looks_  perfect. Why not?"

Batman shook his head, turning now completely to Dick, "You let him harm himself."

"He had his phone out too!" Joker hollered loudly, still grinning massively.

"What?" Batman growled, frowning deeply.

Nightwing glared at Joker, stupid clown, making thing difficult for the sake of it.

Batman took a step forward, holding out his hand, "Give me the phone."

Nightwing clasped his hand to the pocket that held his phone "No,” he said sharply.

"He's courting the Flash,” Joker said happily before bursting into peals of laughter.

Batman continued to hold out in hand, his eyes cutting daggers into the younger man, he'd told him off about this before, and threatened to block the signal several times.

"It's my phone Batman, I pay for it,” Dick said, backing himself into the wall and making sure the phone-containing pocket was furthest away from Batman.

"That doesn't matter. You know I dislike you  _chatting_  when you're supposed to be doing something important, like this,” he gestured towards Joker. He was supposed to be watching the clown, he should know how easily Joker could escape from those handcuffs if he'd actually tried. If he'd had only half his concentration on the clown he could have been out before Nightwing even noticed.

…So why hadn't he?

Why hadn't Joker leapt out the window or… something. Why hadn't he left?

Why hadn't he slipped out of his handcuffs? He had done so many times before.

"Fuck you Batman,” Dick yelled, "I'm not some lackey you can just push about. I'm not your Robin anymore."

He walked from the room, slamming the door behind him as he left.

Batman didn't pay any attention to Nightwing's outburst; he'd done it many times before, he'd come back in a short time. He could never hold a grudge for too long.

"Why didn't you leave?" Batman asked Joker. The clown didn't answer the question, he was clutching his stomach, roaring with laughter.

"O-Oh, he is so  _good_!" Joke said, smiling still.

Batman frowned and repeated his question, if there was one thing he hated it was being ignored.

Joker shrugged as his laughter halted, "Oh I don't know. Maybe I just wanted you all to myself, maybe I just wanted to see what he'd do."

"You've  _hurt_ yourself, you've got 3 stitches…" Batman eyed the cut on Joker's wrist, the handcuff had been moved to the other wrist in order to stop irritation.

"You've given me worse,” the clown said bluntly, he pulled up the sleeve of his shirt, revealing a long, gnarled stretch of skin, "Remember that?"

Batman nodded, feeling somewhat disappointed in himself as he stared at the scar. He'd given that to him after he'd killed 5 people. Just shot them point blank, one by one. He'd had no choice, he'd had to do something.

"Yes,” he mumbled, not able to bring himself to look at the scar.

"Aww,” Joker cooed, "You upset 'coz you hurt me? Don't be, I like it when you hurt me, it helps me to remember."

Quickly he pulled off the hospital gown to display his torso. He pointed to one of his scars, "This one was when I tainted the water supply,” he pointed to another, "When I tried to kill the mayor." He pointed to another, "When I got drunk and broke into yo-uhh  _Bruce Wayne's_  house. That butler of his is quite quick with a sword I'll give him that."

Bruce surveyed the clown's body, this was the first time he'd been able to look at it in detail; the unusual white skin peppered with patches of pinkish grey. Old cuts and burns and whip marks.

"How did you get that one,” he finally said, leaning over to touch the longest line on Joker's body, one that ran down half of the left side of the man's torso.

Joker traced it with his finger, stopping just short of Batman's hand, "I'm not sure, I'm guessing that It was when I was young; it's certainly the oldest of them, looks like it was done by a cleaver; definitely a rectangular shaped knife."

Batman removed his hand, frowning lightly, "How can you tell?"

Joker shrugged, still tracing the line, "The edges are clean, so a sharp object, this little bit here," he pointed to the small lump at the end of the scar, "rounded edges don't create this kind of exit wound; it would flick up, not down, so it must have been rectangular."

Batman huffed as he looked at Joker's body, unsure of the emotions that now leapt in him. He had an odd felling growing in his chest but he wasn't sure what it was, it wasn't lust, or distaste.

He ran his hand up Joker's side, gently feeling the warmth of his skin.

"Batman?" Joker began, smiling sweetly, "Can we go to the roof?"

"Why?" Batman asked, still running his eyes up and down Joker's body.

Joker squirmed slightly, seeming a little uncomfortable with his reason. "I'm dying Batsy, you know it I know it. I wanna go outside. Look at the scape of Gotham."

"Joker, you're not supposed to leave the room, you're too unpredictable,” Batman said, taking his eyes from Joker's scars.

Joker frowned gently, looking sad, he didn't like seeing Joker sad, it wasn't natural. "I'd have to ask doctor Mahogany,” Bruce said gently.

The doctor said it was ok, that it was best to do what he wanted within reason to stop Joker from acting out.

"He says you've got to be in a wheelchair,” Batman said when they'd finished their conversation. "And be cuffed to the chair."

Joker moaned in anguish "Fine,” he said angrily, he'd been cooped up in this tiny room for a day and a half, he'd do almost anything for a breath of fresh air now.

Joker stared coldly at the dark knight as he unlocked his cuffs. Doctor Mahogany had come into the room and was now unfolding a wheelchair.

Mahogany smiled at the clown as Batman pulled him from the bed, he stumbled slightly and sat in the chair, indignant as Batman re-attached the hand cuffs, and shackled his legs.

Joker sighed indignantly as Batman wheeled him out of the room, Doctor Mahogany following, and sat silent in the chair as he was pushed into the lift.

He blinked as the doors closed, then turned to the doctor, "I like lifts, elevators. Do you like them?"

The doctor nodded, furrowing his brow slightly, "Yes, sir, I suppose."

"I like  _this_ one most. Know why?" The clown continued excitedly, a grin growing on his face.

Mahogany shook his head. Joker giggled at the confused look on the doctors face, "Because, Moggy, this is where Batman first told me he loved me."

Batman growled in anger as the doctor turned to him, frowning gently, "W-What?" the doctor asked.

"I've never told you I loved you Joker,” Batman glared at the clown, who chuckled in response and said "You're not thinking fourth dimensionally enough, Batman."

"What?" the vigilante leant over Joker as he squirmed with laughter in his chair.

Mahogany raised a hand, realising that Batman was becoming agitated, something about being alone with Joker in a small space as this seemed to put him on edge. "Batman, sir, I think he means that you may not have said it yet, but he thinks you will do at some point in time."

"Why would he think that?" Batman grumbled, turning to the doctor, seeming to ignore Joker completely as he spoke.

Doctor Mahogany shrugged as he tried to link what he knew and assumed of Joker to form a logical argument. "Maybe he's trying to goad you into actually saying it. If he's got it in his head that you love him…"

The doors to the lift swung open and Batman pushed the chair out onto the roof.

"You know how he can get, better than anyone." Mahogany continued as he trotted after Batman and the shackled clown.

Batman let go of Joker's chair and stood beside him, trying to plan his words.

"Why did you really want to come up here Joker?" he asked cautiously, glancing at the clown.

Joker looked over the scape of the land, feeling the wind whip against his face.

He chuckled lightly, "Hey look." He nodded over at one of the buildings, Ace chemicals. "Where all this started, the day that I was  _born._ "

The clown smiled slightly "I don't think I would have turned out this way if it weren't for you."

"How do you mean?" Batman asked, confused as to why Joker would start saying something so seemingly personal in front of Doctor Mahogany, usually the clown would keep his actual feelings locked away from the sight of doctors.

"I would have been  _so much worse._  All the hatred and fear inside me, with no one to channel it towards. This world would have  _burned,” h_ e spoke with a cold flat tone, another that Batman had not heard before.

"…Fear?" Bruce found himself asking, Joker had never seemed to have any 'fear' he'd began to doubt that the clown even knew what it meant.

"Fear?" Joker asked in return, "I never said fear, you're hearing things."

"…Freudian slip…" Doctor Mahogany muttered from behind them, Joker ignored him, under normal circumstances, Batman thought, Joker would have killed him for making that slight remark.

He didn't understand why Joker was acting this way, maybe the aneurisms were having a more profound effect than they'd thought. Did Joker even know what he was saying at the moment?

Joker turned his head back towards the lift, Batman tensed slightly even though he knew Joker wouldn't be able to escape before he got hold of him.

Joker smirked, "Hey Batsy, your boy's over there."

"What?" Batman asked, his head turning towards where Joker was looking. Nightwing was huddled in a corner with his phone to his ear. How had Joker seen him?

"Dickybird!" Joker yelled loudly, "Having a phone fuck are you?"

Nightwing ignored them, turning away and putting his finger to his ear as he continued talking.

Batman decided to honour Dick's privacy, grabbing the handles of Joker's wheelchair and pushing him further across the roof, away from Nightwing and his private conversation.

Joker sighed in slight annoyance, being pulled away from the source of such valuable entertainment.

"You said fear,” Batman said quietly as Joker began looking around the landscape again.

The clown shook his head, saying a brief no, seeming to concentrate on the buildings in the distance.

"You did,” Batman confirmed.

Joker furrowed his brow, looking up at Batman's hard face, "Why won't you admit it?" He asked quietly. "That you love me."

Batman narrowed his eyes, "Because I don't."

"You do,” Joker stated firmly, "I don't know why you won't say it."

"I care about you. But I do not love you,” Batman tried to speak slowly, sound calm, but the words sounded angry as they left him.

Joker squirmed upright in his chair, "Yes you do,” he stressed, "You do. Because _I_  love _you_."

"Joker it doesn't have to go both ways, it is possible to love someone and not have them love you back. Like you and Harley, it's unreciprocated,” Batman growled slightly as he talked, trying to stress his point, but gently.

Joker frowned, he was becoming upset, his eyes growing red as he talked, "But if I love someone they're supposed to love me back, that's how it's supposed to work."

Batman bit his lip gently, it seemed Joker was becoming confused by this; feelings he wasn't used to.

'Hatred and fear' Joker had said, but Batman had changed that? But changed it to what? What if what it'd changed to became more dangerous. A Joker fuled by obsession and rejection?

Though that Joker probably wouldn't get a chance to show himself.

"That's not how it works Joker, you may love me but I don't love you back."

Joker rolled his eyes, "…Too damn right. If you loved me, you'd  _kill_ me."

Batman's face contorted with anger, "I would never kill you whether I loved you or not! I will never kill."

"There will be a day where you hold a gun and you will pull the trigger,” Joker shouted back, sounding equally angry, "I just wish you cared enough to let it be me!"

Anger erupted inside of the vigilante, he stormed towards the lift, ready to leave Joker in the hands of Doctor Mahogany, he'd had enough of Joker's crap.

"Sodomite!" Joker yelled after him, the word stopping him in his tracks, making him turn his head back.

"W-what?" he said, anger replaced with confusion, taking a few steps back towards Joker.

Joker tittered gently, "You heard me. Can you honestly say that I am not the person who most deserves to be your first? After all we've been through, all the other  _first's_ we've endured and enjoyed though out the years. Tell me I'm  _not_  worthy."

For once Bruce understood what Joker meant. Joker had caused so much during his time, surely if anyone deserved to die it would be him.

The clown smiled at Batman, the vigilante standing like stone, seeming to actually think of doing it. "You see Batman? People like me don't deserve a happy ending!" His small smile grew to a grin, "You know I deserve to die. You know how much better the world will be without me. All I ask is that you be the one to do it, not some illness,  _you_."

Doctor Mahogany jumped as Joker pulled a gun from nowhere, and held it out to Batman.

"Where did he get a gun?" The doctor shouted, but no one seemed to notice him.

Batman took the gun from him and held it limply in his hand.

Batman stood still, a blank expression on his face; it would be so easy. He could pull the trigger and shoot him, it would all be over. No more of this madness. No more suffering given by him, or to him. He wouldn't have to watch him die, watch him go through these mood changes, change from one person to another in a matter of seconds.

It would be so easy.

He was ripped from the thought as the gun was pulled from his hand, Dick had run over at Mahogany's shout, the boy's voice managed to make its way through the haze in Batman's mind, gently saying "Batman, let go."

The vigilante let out a soft, haggard breath as Nightwing pulled him into an embrace and whispered to him, "Remember  _why_  you won't do it."

.

"What was that?" Flash asked over the phone, Dick could hear the smile on his face.

Dick peaked over the wall he was sitting behind, and saw Batman, Doctor Mahogany and Joker coming from the lift, "Uh, it's just Batman and Joker."

"Oh…" Flash's voice dropped in tone, he sounded disappointed.

Dick frowned, pressing the phone hard against his ear, "What?" he said, curious of his friend's tone.

"You're gunna hang up now and run off to see what he's doing, like you always do,” he mumbled as he talked down the phone.

The corners of Dick's mouth turned up into a small smile, "No I'm not, I told you, I'm not like that anymore."

Flash rolled his eyes, leaning back on his seat, and running a hand through his hair. "Are you sure…?"

"Yes,” Dick said forcefully, smiling simply from the sound of Flash's voice.

Flash's smile quickly returned, though now his voice had a hint of condescension to it, "Coz, you do know that that's why we broke up in the first place."

Dick nodded, "Yes I know, I remember the constant fighting…"

"Well what do you expect?" Flash said, giving a small chuckle, "You left me on my birthday because Batman had told you to come home, you didn't even argue it."

"I was only 14! What did you expect me to do?"

I expected you to get all angry and teenager-y, not to bend over like some…" he paused in thinking, "slave boy."

Dick laughed, throwing his head back, "Oh? Slave boy am I?"

"To him yeah! …I could only wish you would be mine."

Dick paused for a second, deciding what path to take with the conversation, "Well I can be your slave boy if you want?"

Flash smiled widely, "Really..?"

Dick gave a small 'uh-huh', then waited tentatively for Wally to speak again.

He gave a small huff of happiness, "I might like that…" He let out a small sigh, "You know what… talking like this doesn't feel right. Could I come over tonight so we could talk properly…?"

Dick smirked, "I was wondering how long it'd be before you asked. Of course you can."

There was suddenly a loud shout behind him, there had been noise before that but this was different, they sounded scared.

Flash frowned, "Rob what was that? Did he just say something about a gun? Isn't Joker there? Does Joker have the gun?"

Dick shrugged, "Yeah, but Batman can handle it. I'd rather talk to you."

"No. Dude, that's Joker. Go. I'd rather have you hang up on me than have someone die. I'll come over later ok?"

Dick chuckled, "Fine, but this better not come back to bite me in the arse later."

Flash smiled, "'k, I promise."

"Ok, bye."

With that he hung up and turned his head to the source of all the noise, his eyes widening in shock.

...

Tim sighed and shook his head as he looked at his phone.

He was laying on the sofa of his team's headquarters, his head in Kon's lap and his feet pressed on the wall.

"What's the matter?" Kon asked, taking his eyes from the tv to fix them on his boyfriend's gorgeous face.

"…Just, Nightwing, says I've gotta go to the hospital."

Kon raised an eyebrow "Why? What's happened?"

Tim shook his head, "Nothing. I'm going to be expected to sit in a hospital room with a mad clown while Batman is out doing things that matter. As always."

"That's part of the job. Someone has to do it." Superboy said as he ran his hand through Tim's ever-messy hair.

"I know, but it's not just that, he always treats me like a child. I'm not. I should be given more responsibility."

Kon laughed, "Look, just look at everything you do here. And you say you have no responsibility. Most kids would kill for what you've got. You're too hard on Bats."

Tim rolled his eyes, "Well. I 'spose, I had a nice talk with him yesterday."

"Oh? 'Bout what?"

"You mainly."

Kon scoffed, "Good things I hope?"

Tim shrugged, "He talked to me about sex, about  _losing_ my _virginity_  to  _you_. It was awkward."

"Poor you." Kon said, holding back a wide smile, he found the thought of Batman talking about sex hilarious. "He knows we've not done it yet right?"

Tim nodded, "It's like he has a radar for virgin-Robins"

Kon laughed, holding a hand to his face, "I-If you were trying to make Batman sound like a pedophile, then I think you succeeded."

"Oi." Tim said, frowning, "Shut up, as if he doesn't get enough of that from the press."

"Sorry, it just sounds funny when  _you_ say it."

Tim started to get to his feet.

"And your response proves how much you care."

Tim stopped, turning to his boyfriend, "Of course I care, that was never the issue. The issue is that I'm a teenager now, and they still expect me to act like the kid who will do all their grunt-work. He can't expect me to see what I have and still behave like a happy little kid!"

Kon knew what he meant, he'd been there too. They'd witnessed the deaths of 3 people that week, most people didn't see that in their lifetimes. It wasn't right for someone as young as him too see something like that. Such horrors…

Tim took a step forward and took Kon's hand, "I.. I can't be like that anymore, I'm not who I was anymore."

Kon reached up and pulled Tim's face to his, giving him a soft and gentle kiss "You don't have to be. I love you no matter what, you can be as happy or as mopey as you like, I'll still be here."

Tim gave a small smile, blushing gently, "You always know how to make me feel better,” he straightened himself up, running his hands down his shirt to rub out the creases, and running a hand through his hair to put it back in place. "I should go."

Kon nodded, watching as his boyfriend walked from the room, "I'll see you later."

...

He remembered that day; what happened, how it happened, but what still shocked him, what still hurt him, was how unimaginably painful it had been.

A child, losing their parents because of one idiotic man. He had been a child.

In one foul-thought second, everything changed. Everything he ever knew was suddenly under a different light.

Innocence is a precious thing, and he'd lost his.

Doctor Mahogany took Batman into his office to calm down, leaving Joker in Nightwing's more than capable hands.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Doctor Mahogany asked as he searched through his filing cabinet, looking for Joker's file. He glanced briefly at Batman, who now sat on one of the chairs in the corner of the office.

Batman shook his head, he could work this out for himself.

He refused to answer, he wanted to go to bed, to curl up and never be heard from again. He felt like he had after Joker had raped him, but more intense, as if it were his mind that had been tainted now and not just his body.

Although his mind had taken a beating from both events.

Come to think of it he had been acting a bit weird lately, towards Joker. Almost submissive.

He would never have held a gun to him before, no matter what.

This whole thing had messed with his mind.

Batman sighed gently, his eye's falling to the floor.

Doctor Mahogany took a seat behind his desk, "I will not repeat anything you say to me."

"I…" Bruce forced himself to begin talking. Doctor Mahogany waited patiently, his eyes soft… non-judging.

"I promised. I promised that I would never use a gun." He couldn't look anywhere but his feet, he felt so ashamed of himself.

He held a hand to his face, "I can't believe it… I was going to shoot him."

"But you didn't"

"But I was so close!" He suddenly found himself on his feet, his heart racing, "Weak! In body and mind. First I let him…" He stopped himself from talking…

First he'd let Joker rape him, now Joker had him on the edge of breaking his ultimate rule.

Doctor Mahogany swallowed hard, "I know that what Joker did to you. It's understandable that you'd react this way."

"What?" Batman said, suddenly feeling sick, how did Mahogany know?

"It's a form of Stockholm syndrome, not uncommon for people in an abusive relationship such as your and Joker's." Mahogany said, denting his fingers, trying to sound as calming as possible, Batman was well known for his temper and Mahogany would rather go home with no broken bones…

Batman frowned sharply, his temper rising quickly, "Joker and me are not in a relationship."

The doctor couldn't stop himself from smiling, "…You spend an awful lot of time together and you have seemingly regular intercourse. Seems like a relationship…"

"How did you even find out?" Batman growled, his face red and hot.

Doctor Mahogany shrugged, still remaining as calm as possible despite the dominating frame looming over him. "Joker told me. Batman. It's nothing to be ashamed of, it's not the kind of thing you can hid, the trauma will show it's self in ways you may not even notice."

Batman growled again, if he didn't know better he'd think he were about to cry, "I do notice. I've been acting so fucking… odd."

Mahogany nodded, "…You need to sit down and talk about this. With someone you can trust. Someone who won't judge you."

Batman shook his head forcefully, "No. Why did he tell you? Was he bragging as if I was some fucking conquest for him?"

Doctor Mahogany shook his head gently, "He told me that he didn't want to do it, he had it in his head that he had to do it. I don't know why, he wouldn't tell me."

The frown still stayed stuck on Batman's face, "I have to talk to him…"

Batman entered Joker's room, followed by Doctor Mahogany. He had a solemn, angry look on his face, until he saw who was in the room.

"I swear you're all gunna pay! I-" Harley stopped mid-sentence when she saw Batman enter the room. She turned her head to Joker, who seemed to be doing his best to ignore her. "Puddin'" she pleaded, she tried to go to him, but she had a guard at each arm, and a doctor standing behind her, holding her still.

Batman’s eyes quickly darted across the room, to Nightwing. The young man was sitting in the corner, he looked complacent, bored even. Dick looked at Batman, that well-rehearsed 'Harley is stupid' look.

It made Batman's stomach settle slightly, made him feel a little calmer.

She turned her head angrily to Batman, "What've you done to him, B-man?"

"Nothing, Quinn,” Batman said sternly.

She struggled against the guards, trying to get closer to Joker, "Yeah you have, he looks like he's about ready to die, what've you done?"

"Harley,” Joker growled, causing her to still immediately, "Shut up,” his eyes flicked to one of the guards holding her, "Why's she even here?"

Doctor Mahogany cleared his throat, "Her doctor thought that if she were to see you in a state like this then it may cause her 'hero worship' of you to diminish slightly, make her treatment a little easier."

"You're just going to make her mad. Stupid…" Joker shook his head, signalling to the Doctor to take the woman from the room.

Harley started squirming again as Joker talked, trying to get to him. The guards struggled to hold her, but when Joker raised his hand to her, she stopped immediately, hanging her head; he said nothing to her, didn't call her an idiot, or swear at her. Something must be really wrong. He looked… sad. His face was sunken and he looked so damn tired.

What had Batman done to him…?

Joker stayed quiet as Batman walked to his side. Harley's eyes fixed on Joker, wondering why he was acting so placid.

She struggled slightly, still trying to move a little closer to her 'boyfriend' "Mr J?" she whined in that annoying tone she used when she wanted something.

"Harley,” Joker grumbled, all too seriously, he was so angry that they'd brought her here, to see him like this; in a hospital, awaiting death… "I want you to leave. And never come back. Forget you saw me today."

She began struggling again "Puddin' no!" she screamed, realising that Joker was serious.

"Harley,” Joker said sternly, "it's the only way. You know what's happening. I need this to happen."

Batman frowned, standing in the corner watching the situation progress, readying himself to jump should either party try anything.

What did Joker mean? Harley knew what? As far as Batman knew Joker and Harley had had no contact. This would be the first time they'd seen each other in almost 4 months. How long had this been going on?

"Mr J please, don't make me go,” harley pleaded, Joker staring at her coldly, a red cloud of anger was almost visible around his head.

Joker found himself digging his nails into his own hand, clenching his fists so tightly that his knuckles turned white. "Harley. Do what I say."

Tears quickly appeared in Harley's eyes, "I don't want to." She said weakly, shuffling on the spot and the tears started to run down her face.

Doctor Mahogany frowned as he turned to Harley's doctor, "Take her away, it's upsetting both of them."

"I'll have to talk to you before I leave,” the other doctor said, beginning to leave the room, the guards dragging a kicking and screaming Harley behind them.

Doctor Mahogany followed them, looking back briefly at Joker. The clowns eyes were cast to the floor, he looked genuinely upset.

After the door closed Joker lifted his eyes, looking up at Batman, "Why would they do that? Why would they let her see me like this? Are they idiots? Do they know nothing?"

He shook his head, seeming to shake off the foul mood in a second, "So, my darling Bat. What's got you so upset?"

.

Batman frowned down at Joker as he lay in his bed, the clown looked back at him; a large smile on his face. But his eyes betrayed him, he was upset, his eyes were filled with pain and loathing.

"Bats?" Joker asked, the fakery of his happiness obvious in his voice, Joker hated fakery, but there was no way he would show how upset he was while that boy was in the room.

Batman turned to Nightwing, "Nightwing, can you leave for a moment please? I need to talk to Joker."

Dick nodded and got to his feet, "Alright… I'll just be outside if you need me."

Batman watched in silence as Nightwing left the room. He calmly turned to Joker.

He stared down at the white frail man, he was so thin, he always had been, unnatural looking. White skin pulled over his long bones, not much muscle and hardly any fat separating them.

How could he have let this man overpower him? Bruce was, in comparison, an Adonis. The difference between Joker and him was as vast as that between himself and Bane. How had Joker gotten the upper hand?

Bruce thought back to when Joker had shown him the scars on his torso, not long ago, he had been scared that seeing Joker like this would cause… unwanted emotions.

It had, but not the ones he had expected.

As he looked down at Joker he realised, what he had felt, it had been anger. But not anger towards Joker. Towards himself.

He had overpowered Joker so many times before, there was proof of that all over Joker's body. So why had he not been able to that time?

But, Joker was right if this hadn't happened then he never would have found out how ill Joker was. And he never would have experienced  _this._

"The truth, Joker,” Batman finally said, pulling himself from his thoughts.

"A tomato is a fruit!" Joker said, still wearing a hard, false smile.

Batman's frown cut into Joker, eventually the other man let his smile drop, rolling his eyes as he grumbled "Fine. Truth about what…?"

"Everything. Why have you done this? How long have you had this vile thing planned? What, in the name of hell, do you hope to gain from all this  _shit_ you're causing? Just tell me the truth!"

Batman sounded obviously distressed, Joker let out a short coughed sigh, lifting a hand to brush it through his green hair, "Fine. Fine. I've not got long left, so yes. Like the idiotic villain in a film; I'll tell you  _everything._ "

He began to speak, long and in detail.

"I've told you different versions of my past, yes?" Joker began, talking in an odd monotone.

Batman nodded, pulling up a chair, sensing that this was going to be a long speech on Joker's part.

"I've told you that I've not remembered. That's always been true, Batsy… Until recently."

Joker pushed an imaginary pair of glasses up his nose, and read from a book that wasn't there, giving a hard cough as he did. "'HCP1220: an experimental drug that could cause unknown damage to certain areas of the brain'" He closed the non-existent book. "Or, in the case of someone such as myself, who suffers from severe memory loss. It seems, that it caused me to start to  _remember_."

Batman frowned, cocking his head slightly as he shifted on his chair, placing himself into a more comfortable position.

Joker dented his hands together, eyes filled with excitement at finally being able to tell someone what had happened.

"My dreams, Batsy, remember? They changed. They weren't dreams anymore."

It had started when he'd first been given the HCP1220. His body had dulled in feeling, and he was sleeping more. He'd always hated sleep, the screaming that filled his head and the unimaginable dark, the overwhelming cold and the sense that you were alone.

He shook his head gently, shivering at the memory as he described it.

But it had changed, during the hours he slept colours slowly came to his mind, and the screaming seemed to change, morphing slowly from the non-purposed wails it had been, into something more focused.

The dream progressed rather quickly, pieces were skipped, the sound wasn't clear, he slowly began to realise that the reel of film playing in his mind weren't just random scenes and images, they were memories.

"One minute it was fuzzy shapes, the next I was a kid about to be hit with a hammer… It was my father I think,” Joker said, his voice heavy with angst, the smile wiped from his face.

Batman sat confused, trying to absorb the information just given to him.

Joker chuckled suddenly, "Well, I mean, we all have issues with our fathers but I think mine was particularly bad."

"What about your mother?" Batman asked suddenly. The mental vision of Joker; a young boy, beaten like that filled his mind, where had the mother been? Why hadn't she stopped this senseless abuse?

Joker's eyes fell to the floor, "She knew, he beat her too, _worse_. She just said it was him showing us how much he _loved_  us, and we should be _happy_  he paid any attention to us at all. Stupid woman,” he let out a small sigh, "We thought it was normal."

The clown drew a large smile on his face with his finger, "Be  _happy,_ keep  _smiling, laugh_ more,” he said in a mock female voice, remembering one certain part of his dream, a memory, he'd been upset; the man had been shouting at him.

He'd sat crying on his small bed, and his mother had come in and simply told him to 'buck up'.

"That's terrible,” Batman growled, a knot forming in his stomach.

Joker let out a small strained titter, he shook his head, raising his hand and coughing loudly into it, "No, don't you see? It explains everything."

Batman frowned, "What, how? How does it explain  _anything_?"

"I love you Batman. We've been saying it for years, and not even realised it, don't you see?" Joker said in a tone of excitement, squirming subconsciously in his bed.

Bruce furrowed his brow, "What?"

Did Joker think tha-…

He'd said that he was told that his father beat him because he loved him. Did Joker think that was how someone showed love…?

"Joker. I don't beat you because I love you. I beat you because you hurt people, and I have to stop you."

Joker frowned gently and shook his head, his breathing juddering slightly, "You do, I know you do, that's why I had to show you. I had to make it right. I had to prove to you that we feel the same; I love you, and you love me."

"…No. Joker I don't,” Batman said quietly, he felt his heart sink slightly, Joker… Bruce could see the logic behind Joker's thought, he could see why he would think it, but it just wasn't true.

Joker sighed, obviously Batman wasn't ready to admit it yet, he would be soon, Joker was sure of it. He better hurry up though, or he'd be admitting it to the clowns grave…

"I was confused at first,” Joker began again, leaning back on his bed and fluffing the pillows again; as he'd been talking he'd slowly inched forward, tugging gently on the restraining handcuffs.

"I didn't get why these  _memories_ kept playing for me. But I started liking them. It was nice, knowing where I came from,” he gave a small chuckle; it felt so odd to be saying this. At first he'd thought he were just going crazy, he'd not told anyone about them, not even Moggy.

The clown shook his head, "I dunno how you handle 'em; memories, they just jumble everything up."

Batman almost smiled, Joker seemed to be acting a little naive…"Memories are good Joker. They make you realise why you're fighting, what you're fighting for."

Joker laughed, coughing again, harder this time, "I totally agree!" he gave a small shrug, "I did wonder why it didn't feel quite as good when I killed those guys a few weeks ago."

Batman frowned, "Wait, killed who?"

The white skinned man shrugged again, "I dunno, just some guys."

Batman's brow furrowed deeper, he couldn't be bothered to argue, Joker seemed fragile. Bruce didn't want to set him off. "That explains… nothing."

Joker raised an eyebrow, "Yeess it does… God Batman, you're dense."

"No, it doesn't, and how can I even be sure that you're telling the truth!?"

Joker gave a small chuckle, and another string of deep coughs, shifting on the bed in discomfort.

"Are you ok?" Batman asked, his voice suddenly changing in tone as Joker doubled over through the effort of his wheezing choughs.

Joker nodded, bringing a hand to his chest, "Yeah,” he gasped, "Just finding it a little…hard to breath."

Batman pulled himself to his feet, his chair squeaking noisily as he did, "I should probably get Dr. Mahogany."

Joker shook his head, trying to stop himself coughing, "No…. I-I'm not done talking,” he reached out a hand to grab at Batman's cape.

Batman pulled the material from Joker's hand, taking another step towards the door, "Yes you are, Joker."

Joker kept his hand outstretched, still trying to reach Batman, "No… I need t-to tell you everything" he coughed loudly, small strings of spittle falling from his lips, "Shit… no, not yet. I need to…"

Suddenly Joker was gasping and retching on the bed, giving wheezed breathed curses at his body's inaptitude.

Batman's eyes widened as Joker sat choking on the bed, his heart thumping loudly in his throat, he shouted out the door, asking for a nurse. He darted to Joker's bedside and took the clowns hand "Joker, I need you to calm your breathing."

"I-I'm f-fucking t-trying" Joker gagged with his words, bringing up a small amount of foamy gloop.

Batman rubbed up and down Joker's back as Dr. Mahogany rushed into the room, followed closely by Nightwing.

One glance and Nightwing new something was wrong; Bruce's face had gone stark white his eyes were completely focused on the coughing, wheezing clown in front of him.

Batman felt like he was going to throw up, this was it, Joker was going to die, here and now, this was it.

Oh god… this was it…

Dr Mahogany pushed Batman from his thoughts, shouting out to one of the nurses "He's gone into hypertensive shock. Get a respirator, now!"

Bruce's vision started to dull, a fuzz appearing in his mind, he was going to collapse.

He felt something tug on his arm, and raised his head to see Dick yelling at him, "You've got to come with me. We're getting in the way."

Dick pulled him the few steps out of the room, Batman stumbling slightly as he walked, trying to stop himself throwing up as more doctors and machines were rushed into Joker’s room.

"Are you ok?" Dick asked as he gently pushed Batman down into one of the chairs. Bruce could do nothing but shake his head.

He sat, his head spinning, staring at the door to Joker’s room as people rushed in and out, shouting unclear phrases and questions and responses.

He felt sick. He wanted to ask what was happening, but if he did he would throw up.

Joker had been fine. They'd been talking, like normal, like the usual banter before one of their fights… although a little more meaningful that time.

He felt a shock of pain ring through him as he heard someone shout 'defibrillator'.

This was it.

He sat for what felt like hours, feeling sick, feeling dizzy… Dick sat opposite him, he kept glansing down at his phone every minute or so. After a while he stopped, raising his eyes to Bruce, leaning in to take Bruce's hand.

"It'll be ok, yeah,” Dick said, the look on his face betraying his upbeat tone.

Bruce swallowed hard, pulling his hand from Dick's grasp, trying not to cry.

The groups of people entering and leaving Joker's room slowly quelled, until only Dr Mahogany and a nurse or two were in there.

Mahogany opened the door, a sorrowful look on his face, "He's ok,” he said as he closed the door.

Batman sighed deeply. Blinking rapidly to stop tears coming from him, his heart ached.

Dick nodded, "Good."

"He's on a respiration machine, in a chemically induced coma."

Batman furrowed his brow, closing his eyes tightly, "W-What happened?" he managed to say.

"The aneurism has…swollen. Basically, it's causing his brain to… not send messages to the rest of his body. It's stopped his lungs working properly,” the doctor glanced back at the door, his hand still on the handle, "I'm surprized he's managed to go on this long, as far as we can tell he must have been having trouble for the past few days."

"When he collapsed in the cave,” Dick suddenly stated, "That must be when it started…"

"Most likely,” the doctor said, nodding gently, "If we'd known sooner he would have been able to do an emergency operation. But it's too late now. His body has started shutting down. We can't do anything."

Batman could feel his heart echoing in his head, only the voice of Dr Mahogany was cutting through.

"We can keep him alive for… the next day or so. Long enough to handle his accounts, but…"

"He's dying,” Batman croaked out.

"We already knew that,” Dick said to Batman, "We've been saying it for the past week."

But… now it was actually happening. They weren't just words. It was reality, it was happening.

 _This_ was it.

Dick let out a short huff, Bruce didn't look well… "We should get you home Batman. You look ill."

Batman shook his head. He didn't want to leave. He wanted to see Joker. He needed to see Joker.

He got to his feet, walking to the door of Joker's room, pulling it open.

Vomit instantly bubbled in his stomach; Joker was lying unconscious on the bed, tubes coming from his nose and a mask covering his mouth. There was a large machine by the bed, noisily pushing oxygen into Joker's lungs.

He was in a forced sleep.

This looked so wrong…

"I want to go home,” Batman heard himself say as Dick appeared in his peripheral vision, the younger man patting a hand to Bruce's shoulder.

"'Kay,” Dick mumbled, "Come on…"

Dick led him by the hand, back to the car.

.

Bruce lay almost lifelessly on his bed, he hadn't slept, he didn't want to. He just lay there, staring at the spot Joker had been in on his bed.

He kept seeing Joker, in his mind's eye, those tubes coming from him…

It wasn't right.

Joker had always hated people seeing him vulnerable. The thought of him even existing in this state…

It was wrong.

It made Bruce feel sick.

There was a soft knock at the door.

"Come in…" Bruce grumbled half-heartedly.

Alfred opened the door, holding a hot cup of tea, a worry filled look painted on his face.

"Joker's awake,” the old man said. Bruce's head jerked up from his pillow.

"What?" he said, sitting himself up, "H-how."

Alfred shook his head, "They didn't say, but sir. He asked for you."

Bruce nodded and climbed out of his bed, "Ok, bring me my-"

"-No. Sir. He asked for Bruce Wayne."

Bruce furrowed his brow, sitting back on the bed, staring up at Alfred, "What."

Alfred handed Bruce the tea, "The hospital just called me. Joker is asking for Bruce Wayne. They say he has something to ask you."

Bruce gave a confused nod, quickly drinking his tea and getting to his feet.

Why would Joker call Bruce Wayne?

Bruce rushed himself dressed, and within minutes he was in the car, and at the hospital again.

He felt the small rush of nausea flood through him, not as strong as before, but still there.

Maybe the initial shock had worn off.

Maybe he would be able to speak without that overwhelming dizziness filling his head.

No one noticed as he entered.

The nausea did increase as he walked up the stairs towards Joker's room, but it didn't increase by much.

It had only been 5 hours, long enough for Joker to stabilise, and regain consciousness.

He hadn't been there, Bruce thought to himself, he hadn't been there when Joker had woken up.

The thought entered his mind that Joker might have been scared; waking up and Batman not being there. He quickly pushed the thought from his head.

He couldn't think that, it was stupid. Joker had woken up plenty of times without Batman being there. Plenty of times he'd woken in a strange place. Plenty of times he'd woken in pain.

But, still, Bruce regretted not being there.

He wanted to hear what Joker had wanted to say.

That might have been the last time Joker would go to sleep, and wake up… And Bruce hadn't been there.

He had to stop for a second, take a few deep breaths, this was sick.

This had to be some kind of joke. Just, Joker playing tricks.

A sick joke.

He couldn't really be about to die.

He couldn't be.

Bruce opened the door to Joker's room, not knocking.

Joker was lying in bed, awake, the mask was no longer on his face, now only the small tube which lay across his face, small nubbins going into his nose.

Doctor Mahogany was standing over the machine that was feeding him oxygen, pressing seemingly random buttons.

A smile spread across the white man's face and he began to speak weakly, "Brucey-baby. How did I know you'd come…?"

Doctor Mahogany straightened himself up, turning to face Bruce, "Sir,” he said rushing forward to shake Bruce's hand, Bruce didn't take it, he was simply staring at Joker, as the man lay helpless in his bed.

He didn't even have the handcuffs on anymore. There was no point to them Joker wouldn't be able to get three steps without collapsing.

Mahogany looked between Bruce and Joker, then smiled briefly, "His kidneys are on the way out now. His lungs are trying, but losing."

Joker nodded, smiling gently at Bruce, "Yup. I've got less than a day left."

His voice sounded soft, strained, forced… Weak.

"Is there nothing you can do?" Bruce asked, a last hope of any kind, he knew it was impossible, once the organs started shutting down there was nothing that could be done, they couldn't and wouldn't give him any transplants. Even if they could let out the aneurisms, the damage to his organs would be too much… He was too weak for the surgery anyway.

Mahogany shook his head, "He says he wants to right some wrongs." He turned his head to Joker "Most unlike you, sir," back to Bruce, "apparently he's wronged you most…"

"…You can leave now Moggy," Joker said impatiently.

Mahogany nodded, and promptly left the room, saying "Any trouble, just yell." as he closed the door.

"Joker," Bruce started to talk, but the words stuck in his throat, "W-why have you-"

"Because, darling…" Joker was struggling to talk, it made Bruce's insides ache.

It sounded so unnatural. Joker always talked, could and would always talk.

"I'm not done talking," The clown said with his usual large smile. "And I know that 'you-you' and 'this-you' react differently. I need the 'this-you' reaction."

Bruce frowned a little, taking his seat by Joker's bed.

Just let him talk. He was dying. Bruce should just let him talk.

It didn't matter anymore. Why he'd done it, how he'd done it. He was dying.

There was nothing Bruce could do.

"I've told you why I had to…" He waved his hand, assuming Bruce could guess the next word, "You know. Do you understand why?"

Bruce nodded gently; Joker did it because he was under the delusion that Batman and Joker fought because they loved each other, and the way to change the conditions of this 'love' would be to finally break the last barrier, and have sex.

"Good," Joker wheezed, "…I thought that, by getting you to admit that you love me, it might make you a little more susceptible to the idea of killing me, before  _this_ happened. But obviously you're even more stubborn than I thought."

Bruce bowed his head a little, giving a slight nod, "I could never kill you Joker."

Joker rolled his eyes, listlessly lifting a hand to adjust the tube on his face, "Well I know that now… Before, I always thought, 'nah, he would do if I gave him a p-proper opportunity, if I told him it was what I wanted' but no, you had to go and be an arse about it… But you had the gun, in your hand. Y-You knew it was what I wanted, you could h-have just pulled t-the trigger, and this wouldn't have happened."

Joker had been able to tell how badly Batman had wanted it… he saw it in his eyes, the same one he saw when they fought. That same want.

He wished Batman had killed him, why couldn't have just pulled that trigger? Then he wouldn't have had to suffer through this.

Bruce's eyes were filled with pain now. Joker wished Bruce had just shot him…

"Because I will not have this," Joker said stubbornly, "as much as I like to joke about you sitting by my bedside like a grieving widow… I will not have this."

Bruce shook his head, "Joker, you are dying, this is happening. There is nothing you can do."

Joker laughed, tipping his head back as he did, "Oh my dear, there are always options, there's always something you can do… F-For example. There's something you can do for me, now."

Bruce didn't speak again, simply shook his head.

He knew what was happening. He knew what Joker was about to ask.

"I will ask you once again."

"Joker, no!" Bruce shouted, tears beginning to come to him, "You cannot come to me while you're like this. You cannot ask again."

Joker rolled his eyes again, "Fine, god, you're such a baby…"

Joker sighed loudly, the breath juddering slightly as it left him. He shifted slightly, a large amount of pain beginning to radiate up his side, "Fine. Then know, you've driven me to this. Because I will not die like this. I will not die from illness."

Joker reached over the side of his bed, pulling a little black box from under the bed. "This,” he said, showing the box to Bruce, "Is a timed detonator. Not that I really need to tell you, you've seen them before. There's c4 in key areas of the building. This is going to blow the roof off this place."

The small box had glowing red numbers on it, reading 1:40 and declining.

Bruce rose to his feet, "How did you get that?"

Joker shrugged, "I've had this p-planned for a while. I just had one of my men bring it in, during all the commotion, earlier,” Joker tittered gently, "Why do you think I ran off after you first brought me here? I needed to know where you were taking me so I could arrange all this!"

Bruce stood, his heart beating loudly in his head, "I-I…"

Joker smirked, "So now. You can either sit with me, for the last minute of my life, and jump out of the window just before the bombs go off. Or you can scurry about trying to save people… though we both know that one minute isn't enough time to save anyone…"

Bruce felt a surge of anger flood him, "You're a sick bastard, Joker."

Joker laughed loudly, "Oh ain't I just! I just wanted one last hurrah."

Bruce growled loudly and rushed from the room.

Mahogany smiled obliviously at the smart-suited man.

"Doctor. We have to get everyone out now. This place is going to blow up" Bruce said hurriedly.

"W-what?"

"Now!" Bruce shouted, trying his best to not revert to a Batman-voice.

Tears had begun falling from his eyes as he rushed through the halls, yelling at nurses and doctors, "Joker's planted bombs! Get everybody out!"

Anarchy began erupting around him, patients and doctors rushing from their rooms and trampling towards the exit.

He held a finger to his ear-he'd kept a com in his ear, just in case, and thank god he had- "Dick! Joker's planted bombs in the hospital! Get here now!"

Dick replied with a swift 'On my way.'

Amongst the ensuing panic he felt something tug at his sleeve, and looked down to see a small girl, he was sure he'd seen her before, she looked lost and confused.

"What's happening..?" she asked sleepily.

"Come with me,” Bruce stated bluntly, pulling her by the arm and towards the packed stairs.

He could hear Doctor Mahogany and Doctor Sing shouting for people to remain calm, move in an orderly fashion, but people weren't listening. They were pushing and knocking people, several elderly people in the rooms they had passed and simply been left to fend for themselves.

He looked down at the small girl, still looking shocked at the situation, unaware of what was really happening, he wasn't going to have enough time to get her out.

There was a fire escape with only a few people on it.

Bruce dragged the small girl out onto it, pulling her down the two flights of stairs.

As they ran from the bottom of the metal stairway there was an unbelievably loud bang, followed by several others.

There was a bright flash of light, and suddenly everything went black.

Nightwing came onto the scene mere seconds later.

The destruction was… unimaginable.

Body parts and blood and fire, bricks and wood splintering the floor.

Dick took a deep breath. It wasn't as if he'd not seen things like this before, but still he couldn't stop the rush of negativity that caused his stomach to sink.

He looked around, seemed to be a basic recovery now. Where was Bruce? He should ask him what happened.

He strode to a paramedic who stood nearby, having only just avoided the blast himself. "I need you to get some medical kits from the ambulances and help some of these people."

The man nodded, he seemed disorientated, "Okay…" he said as he started to totter away.

Nightwing said the same to all the Doctors and Nurses he could find who weren't injured themselves.

He couldn't see Bruce anywhere.

Once the police and more ambulances arrived he felt it was safe to begin searching, he stopped for a second to send a text to Tim – he hadn't answered when he tried to call him over the com system- 'Come to the hospital now!'.

He began trudging through the mess that was the hospital ruins, almost the whole place had been levelled, it must have taken a ton of explosives to cause this much destruction.

There were bodies strewn over the floor, Nightwing checked each of them, calling the doctors to the ones that were breathing.

Soon enough he came across Bruce, covered in rubble, shielding a sobbing girl. "Oh shit. Bruce!" Nightwing shouted, checking the man's pulse as a doctor rushed over. He was alive.

Tim appeared on the scene. His eyes growing wide as he looked around. What had happened here?

He rushed to Dick's side, his eyes affixing on Bruce, lying unconscious on the floor. Immediately he felt sick, he knelt at Bruce's side, beginning to remove shards of glass and splinters of wood from his mentor's skin.

"Are you ok?" Nightwing asked the young girl, trying to be professional despite the heavy feeling of doom that now rang in his head as he watched Tim clean up Bruce's face, wiping the blood from the man's face.

The girl shook her head, "My arm doesn't look right…" she said through tears, the doctor quickly turned her to a nurse, the girl's arm was broken.

Nightwing turned back to Bruce, he was unconscious, barely breathing, large lacerations over his back and chest, long gashes on his arms, "Is he ok?" he asked the younger boy.

"We need to get him to hospital," Tim said shortly, trying to stop tears appearing in his eyes.

"Get a stretcher over here," Dick snapped at the doctor.

He stayed by Bruce's side as he was put into an ambulance, watching as it drove off.

He wanted to go after it. Make sure Bruce was ok.

Bruce would be fine, Dick was sure of it.

For now he had to make sure everyone was ok.

And, if possible, find the Joker.

.

"Dude, it'll be ok." Wally said down the phone to Dick.

Dick huffed slightly, looking down at Bruce; lying in the hospital bed, the man was covered in bandages, an IV drip delivering liquid to him through a tube.

He was in a coma. He had been since they brought him in almost a week ago.

Dick looked over at Tim, he was texting Kon again… most likely saying the same things Dick and Wally were.

"I hope so. Listen, Wally… thanks for putting up with me like this,” Dick said, feeling himself choke up a little as he listened to the gently beep of the heart monitor.

"I'm not 'putting up with you'," Wally said, Dick could hear him smiling… "I kinda, love you, a bit. Anything I can do to help you feel better, I will do."

Dick blushed, feeling his face warm with emotion, "I kinda love you a bit too…" he sighed, "I just don't want you to think that he's taking precedence over you."

Wally chuckled, "It's ok. He's in a coma for god's sake, I can't get mad at you for focusing on him."

Flash had come to terms with the fact that Dick had feelings for Bruce… But it had been over 10 years, and Wally's feelings for Dick hadn't gone. He was willing to try again. And to try harder this time, to make things work.

"I'm coming over tonight," Wally said reassuringly, "You sound like you could use a good time…"

Dick hummed gently, letting a tiny smirk come to his face, "Yeah I could. I can't wait to see you…"

Tim rolled his eyes, "Dick, really? Under aged boy, right here. I don't want to hear you talking like that…"

Dick narrowed his eyes, "I didn't actually say anything naughty."

The younger boy shook his head and got to his feet, "I'm going to call Kon…"

Dick nodded, watching as the young boy left the room.

He let out a deep sigh into the phone.

"This is really hitting you hard, eh…?" Wally said quietly.

Dick nodded with a light 'uh huh', and put his head in his hand.

"Do you know what you're going to do if… if he…" Wally choked up slightly as he talked.

Dick nodded again, closing his eyes, focusing on the small noises around him, "…Alfred's sorting some stuff out now, but… he's made me the beneficiary… I'm just gunna… do what he wants…"

He shook his head briskly, "I dunno… I feel like this isn't real. Like this  _can't_ be real."

A soft knock echoed from the door, and a doctor walked into the room.

"Wally, gotta go, I'll call back later ok."

"Ok. Be alright, ok?"

"Yup,” Dick hung up the phone, and turned his head to the doctor. She was frowning, that couldn't be good…

She had a folder clutched to her chest, she smiled at Dick, a tiny smile.

Dick knew that smile, he'd seen it before, at his parents funeral, everyone had looked at him with that smile on their face.

"Mr Grayson," She said solemnly, as if asking although there was no real question. "We've got some bad news…"

Dick let his eyes flutter close as those words stabbed him… Bad news…

He swallowed hard, trying to halt the nausea growing in him. "Yes…?" he said when he finally felt able to talk.

He could already feel tears coming to him; Bruce was dying wasn't he?

Damn it this wasn't fair!

How could this happen…?

He was Batman for god's sake.

Batman wasn't supposed to die!

The doctor took a deep breath before she began talking, "It has been 6 days since admission, and Mr Wayne hasn't shown very much improvement… Usually, when a patient has been… like this… for over a week their condition starts to worsen, and the likelihood of them waking up begins to fall. Mr Grayson…"

She was going to tell him that Bruce was going to die wasn't she?

Dick took a deep breath, still managing to stop himself crying.

"If he doesn't show significant signs on improvement in the next 24 hours, then there may be nothing we can do."

Dick nodded, his face hot from the emotion that was swelling in him. "'Kay…" he managed to croak out. "Leave, please…"

She nodded, and left the room, pulling the door close quietly.

Dick felt tears explode from his eyes.

No.

This wasn't fair.

Bruce couldn't die.

He couldn't.

"Bruce, please."

The tears ran down his face, dripping onto his shirt, leaving dark marks on the brown material.

"Bruce, wake up, please…"

.

At first everything was black. Then the soft sting of pain echoed red in his mind, overpoweringly strong.

Something was wrong, Bruce knew that for sure.

He remembered… someone laughing.

It was Joker. Joker had been laughing, and everyone around him was screaming.

That all-consuming laugh… so loud and powerful. There was room for nothing else in his mind.

He didn't want anything else in his mind.

The pain soon disappeared, and that blackness enveloped him again.

Leaving him with the sounds of laughter.

.

Light began to ebb through the darkness.

No.

He didn't want it there.

It was too loud, distracting.

There was crying, beyond the light, someone was crying.

He'd rather hear laughter.

Let the laughter come back.

No.

The light grew, as did the crying.

Soft whimpering.

Someone was saying his name.

"Bruce, please… Come on, this isn't fair…"

Fuzzy shapes hovered in front of him, slowly becoming clear.

He was in a hospital room. Dick sat next to his bed, slouched at his side, crying to himself.

Bruce exhaled gently, trying to talk, having to strain and force some kind of sound from his throat. "Di…"

Dick didn't hear him, overcome with the noise of his own sobs.

"Dick,” Bruce choked out, the effort of the word making the breath catch in his throat.

Dick's head popped up, tears streaming down his face, a smile burst on his lips at the sight of Bruce's only-just-open eyes.

"B-Bruce!" Dick yelled, flinging himself forward to hug the older man, "Thank god."

"Where are we?" Bruce asked groggily.

"The hospital, oh god, I'm so happy you're awake, I should get the doctor to check you over."

Bruce's head was quickly filling with memories, "Wait. Dick. Where's Joker?"

Dick backed away from their hug, his eyes seeming to go everywhere but Bruce's face, he sat back on his chair, all the excitement drained from him, he gave a suddenly solemn "Uh…"

"Dick,” Bruce repeated, straining with his words, "Where's Joker?"

Dick swallowed hard, taking a deep breath, he had no idea how to tell Bruce this…

"Dick!" Bruce growled loudly.

Dick closed his eyes, exhaling slightly, "We… We found him… he died before we could get him to a hospital."

Bruce's face instantly drained of its colour, he felt as if his insides had suddenly disappeared. A massive hole in his chest, "He's dead?"

Dick nodded, finally looking at Bruce. "I'm sorry."

Bruce suddenly found tears leaping in his eyes, "Dick. Can you leave, please."

Dick nodded, "I'll find a doctor."

The younger man got to his feet, pulling out his phone as he did to call Tim and tell him that Bruce was ok.

Leaving Bruce on his own.

Joker was dead.

No

Joker couldn't be dead.

He couldn't.

Tears started to dribble down Bruce's face.

…He couldn't…

"…No…" Bruce said, lifting a hand to his eyes, wiping the tears from his eyes. He pulled the bed sheets from him, and forced his legs over the side of the bed.

He wasn't dead, it was a trick.

He was here somewhere, laughing at him.

He could see him now: Sitting over the security camera, hollering with laughter as he watched Bruce crying over Joker's untimely demise.

Even though they both knew, had known, that Joker's death was not undeserved.

Bruce pushed himself onto his feet, losing his balance a little, he steadied himself on the bed.

"…Joker…" Bruce whimpered, feeling himself start to falter as he tried to take a step.

His legs shook violently underneath him, he tried to steady himself, but despite his efforts he plummeted onto the granite floor.

His breath shook in his chest, the warmth of pain spreading through him.

Block it out. He'd done so a million times before.

But the pain didn't leave.

Why hadn't it gone?

He found himself retching, throwing up nothing, shocks of pain in his body and mind.

Please let it end.

Make the pain stop.

"Bruce!" Dick shouted as he re-entered the room, rushing to Bruce's aide.

"Dear god,” the doctor whispered to herself, bending at Bruce's side, "Help me lift him. I think he's ruptured his stitching."

Bruce felt the pain worsen slightly as Dick lifted him, and placed him on the bed, "Bruce, what did you do?!"

Bruce gave several juddering breaths, still trying to block out the pain in him, "I need to f-find him."

"What?" the doctor said, putting her hand to Bruce's forehead; he was overheating.

"I need to f-find Joker… a-and tell him…"

The doctor frowned, "He's delirious, we may need to sedate him a-"

"No!" Bruce shouted, "I n-need to…"

Dick held his hand to Bruce's, squeezing it gently, "Bruce calm down. Joker's dead, you have nothing to worry about, just calm down."

"No! No, shut up, you bastard!" Bruce yelled, tearing his hand from Dick's, bringing it to his chest to clutch at where the pain felt worst.

"Mr, Wayne, you have to calm down,” the doctor said, her tone desperate as the beeping of the heart monitor began to grow erratic, detecting Bruce's stress.

Bruce tried to shift in the bed, but Dick held him fast, "Let me go, Dick. You let me go right now."

"No, Bruce, you need to stop. This is enough,” Dick shouted into Bruce's face.

"No! Joker isn't dead, he's never dead, I need to find him! This can't be how this ends!" Bruce shouted back, Dick didn't flinch as Bruce glared at him, he stood firm, pushing Bruce into the bed.

The doctor readied the syringe of sedatives, she lifted the syringe and injected it into iv tube that led into the man's arm.

Bruce immediately started to still as the blackness started to consume him again. But this time there was no laughter, only heavy, black, silence.

.

When he woke again the physical pain that had flooded him seemed dulled, and everything looked fuzzy.

When he woke he was told he'd need physical therapy.

He'd protested.

They hadn't backed down.

So now he half stood, leant against a metal rail, trying to walk to the end.

"I told you, I'm fine, I can walk," He moaned yet again, having said the same thing every day for the past week.

"And I told you, Mr Wayne, I'm not letting you leave this hospital until you walk to the other end of that rail,” the doctor said back.

Bruce bit his lip to stop himself answering back. He'd been so snappy lately. He just wanted to lay in the dark and die. He wanted to go on patrol, but the mere thought of putting his mask back on made him feel sick.

Tim and Dick were doing their best, and Flash and Superboy came over every other night to help out.

They didn't really need the help.

Now that Joker had died the streets had quietened slightly. The minor criminals at least seemed to have put themselves to bed. It had crossed his mind that Joker had paid them to make a commotion, to keep Batman busy.

…He couldn't watch tv anymore. Every channel was doing documentaries on the Joker's life, trying to figure out who he had been.

Not that it mattered.

It wouldn't change anything.

Bruce didn't want to know anymore.

But he hated to see the wild stories they came up with.

He let out a deep sigh and took a few shaky steps forward, his muscles aching as he did. 10 steps and about 5 minutes later he reached the end of the rails.

"See? I told you,  _I'm fine_ ,” Bruce growled angrily, his eyes beginning to sting with tears.

He was fine.

He kept saying it to himself.

He was fine. He was ok.

"I don't think you are, sir…" the doctor added.

.

Bruce sat again in his hospital bed, waiting to be discharged. Dick and Tim sitting by his bed.

He didn't know how long he'd been in hospital.

He was sure they'd told him, he just didn't care.

He wanted to die.

To just shrivel up into nothing.

Joker was dead.

He missed the memorial service.

He didn't want to go.

He didn't want to sit amongst the criminals and press photographers, with people wondering why Bruce Wayne was there.

Maybe they would guess?

The papers would be flooded with stories and rumours; Bruce Wayne, the Joker's secret lover. He imagined a story about their affair, saying that Joker had killed himself in order to prove how much Batman had meant to him.

The thought made him smile. For the first time since waking up.

He should have gone.

Then, at least, the lie would be over.

"You ready to go Mr Wayne?" the doctor asked as she walked into the room.

Bruce nodded, lifting himself from the bed, and sitting himself on the wheel chair.

Dick smiled and thanked the doctor as they walked with Bruce to the lift.

Tim shuffled slightly as the doors closed, looking down at Bruce, "Are you ok?" he asked softly.

"…I loved him,” Bruce said in a whisper.

"Yeah,” Dick said with a sad smile, "We know."

.

**Author's Note:**

> ...Am I allowed to request comments?  
>  I'd love to know what you thought :3  
> (though yes, I am aware that there are probably spelling/grammar mistakes, and that the storytelling was a little shoddy... I did write this 2 years ago, gimme' some credit xD )


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